Blind-Sided Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 .. When he's NOT making jokes, he's a really good listener and he can be incredibly light and funny in other ways. ....... Have you simply asked him to stop making those kinds of jokes, because they make you uncomfortable? If he is a good guy, and a good listener... then he should stop if he knows they make you uncomfortable. Yes... he should be able to pick up on it... but some guys just need to be told. 1
elaine567 Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 Yes... he should be able to pick up on it... but some guys just need to be told. She already told him directly and succinctly. How many times do guys need to be told? 1
Author Confoosedgal Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 The responses were a lot more positive once I shared a bit of the reason I put up with it. When I thought about some of the responses on here I realized I DO like his attention, not the disgusting pervy remarks, but everything else. I have a lot going on in my personal life and can't date right now because of lack of time and my health issues. He CAN date but women don't stick around long for many reasons I won't get into. In a way, we were both using each other for attention. We would text from morning until night almost everyday but never actually hang out. I wanted the friendship and the attention, I just do NOT want the pervy remarks. And he can't seem to respect my requests for him to stop. After I created this thread, I told him I've been losing weight since my recent diagnosis. And he texted me, "If you lose any more weight, I'll be too disgusted to have sex with you. No matter how hard you tried something, it wouldn't happen. So that works in our benefit." I get that he was joking and that was NOT even CLOSE to the types of things he usually tells me but I was angry that he turned my diagnosis into another vulgar joke about having sex with me. After reading these comments and him making his own comment, I just stopped replying. He became nervous and by the next morning wrote out this apology saying he was just joking around and he didn't mean to offend me and he was just trying to make my situation feel lighter. I just don't understand why ALL of his jokes lately have to do with sex... ALL of them. So, I stopped replying to any text that discussed sex and I lied and told him I was dating someone new to see if that would stop his messages. Funny enough, once he believed someone else was in the picture (there isn't anyone) and I stopped responding to his sexual "jokes" he turned into a completely different person. He stopped texting as much, he barely responded to my messages, and in one of his last messages he wrote, "What's up? What do you want?" That was an enormous indicator that he was just waiting for me to date him again or sleep with him again. Once I stopped giving his nasty messages any acknowledgement and started "dating someone new" his true intentions came through. I'm honestly a little disheartened by it as we were still somewhat close and told each other everything. But, as I've read in some of these responses, he was taking advantage of my vulnerability, he was taking advantage of me. I'll probably try a support group and look for stronger support and better friendships.
TheFinalWord Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 (edited) I think he thought he could wear you down. A lot of men think that women play hard to get and that if they just keep pursing, she will eventually fall for him. The fact you slept with him and kept hanging out with afterwards gave him some confidence that this was the case with you. I think the jokes were his attempt at gaming you, which obviously was not good game. Ultimately, I don't think he is some predator or anything. I think he's just kind of a loser with women and he was attempting to chase you and use game to win you over, albeit in a very bad way. But yeah, he was obviously interested in you. I think you had to know that though. Edited October 27, 2019 by TheFinalWord
bene Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 This man is not your friend. His comments are vulgar and crass and he knows that these aren’t really jokes. Please look after yourself. Even if you’re lonely and don’t have many other friends you are better off talking to a support group, therapist or internet forum.
preraph Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 I'm super glad you pointed out that repeatedly saying rude things isn't a joke. He's an idiot. Why are you even still being friends? Just block him. All guys do NOT joke like that.
rjc149 Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 After I created this thread, I told him I've been losing weight since my recent diagnosis. And he texted me, "If you lose any more weight, I'll be too disgusted to have sex with you. No matter how hard you tried something, it wouldn't happen. So that works in our benefit." Wow what an absolutely disgusting thing to say to someone when the weight loss was disease-related. This was literally nauseating to read. 1
kendahke Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 He became nervous and by the next morning wrote out this apology saying he was just joking around and he didn't mean to offend me and he was just trying to make my situation feel lighter. He basically admitted to you that he knows your feelings on his jokes and he really doesn't care how they make you feel as long as he can say it to you AND YOU LISTEN TO THEM. He's after your audience, not you in particular. And he's not on block, why? Your phone does have a block feature, so I'm wondering what you're getting out of being insulted time after time with him? Complaining to us about it isn't going to make him stop. You nailing the door shut by blocking him is what he needs to understand.
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