notthatintome Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 It is no secret that I am rubbish at dating. I don't know how many times I have come on here with my latest disaster. I have a type - younger (7-8 years), live miles away (1-3 hours drive) and are very good looking. My friends tell me just to be with someone who is local but I would if there was someone I actually liked! I join clubs, meet lots of people and its not that I'm short of offers, I am just not that excited about anyone. I look younger than my age, which doesn't help. After swiping hundreds and hundreds of men over the last year, there have only been 6 that i have actually liked! Two I went on a date - both i chased a little too hard but we have stayed friends and talk quite often. One i never went on a date but message from time to time. One was not interested in me at all. The latest one... He is my dream guy - literally. We got on so well (via message). I didn't think he would be interested in me as he was 7 years younger and very good looking - he could literally have anyone he wanted. I thought he was too good for me so I didn't read too much into it. Early in the messaging, he said we couldn't start anything as we live 3 hours apart. He then starting flirting with me and said we could meet for a random night instead- although that would have been amazing, I have learnt that I just can't handle having one night stands. So I didn't respond and made a joke of it. I killed his flirting attempt pretty much He then changed his tune and kept messaging asking me so many questions about my life - he seemed so interested in everything! We seem to get on so well and we had a similar sense of humour. He asked me if I had ever done a long distance relationship before. He had been single for two years. The last time we messaged was a few days ago and he was sending long messages and it was fun and upbeat - he said he wished i lived closer. He asked me about the dating app we both were on and I said that I hadn't been that fussed and he replied that he doesn't take it seriously. I was the last to message saying I was going out. And that was it, I haven't heard from him for three days. As i was the last to message, i thought the ball was in his court and I really didn't want to chase. Now i'm thinking i may have come across as disinterested as i was so cautious but I don't know if he was all that interested in the first place The thing was is I was going to be in his area next week but I was too scared to say incase it looked like i was chasing him - stupid rules. I kinda wish I had - It would have been good to meet him at least. What shall I do? Message again or just leave it? I find the whole thing so depressing - I wish I wasn't so fussy.
FMW Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Text him about being in his area next week and tell him if he's interested in getting together to let you know (that definitely puts the ball back in his court). Don't hang on so tight to "rules". You can text twice in a row without it being considered chasing.
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 This guy is jerkin yer chain. You are right he can have anyone, and his radio silence probably means he met someone else. Remember any guy that was interested, he would be on your doorstep taking you out on a date. So the moral of the story is, stop getting sucked into these massages. The proof is in the pudding, meaning actions speak louder than words. 3
stillafool Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 I join clubs, meet lots of people and its not that I'm short of offers, I am just not that excited about anyone. I look younger than my age, which doesn't help. Looking younger than your age is never a turn off for anyone. So that is not preventing you from meeting men your age. You just like younger men and that's your business; but it's not that you won't attract older men your age either. You just don't want them.
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 In general your type -- younger, handsome & far away isn't working for you. Maybe it's time you learned to date against type: set your parameters for local men only. With this guy, 3 hours is not long distance but it is geographically undesirable. All this messaging you are doing is meaningless. Nothing counts until you actually meet. Until you meet you have no idea who the other person is. You only know what they project & they could be lying or at least putting their best foot forward. The so called Rules are not to be taken literally. They are about self confidence & self esteem. It's not 1950 any more. If you are interested in the man, take some initiative. If you are unwilling to do that, just walk away. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 I don’t know your past post history How old are you? You being older than you look trying to go for younger men can be a big isdue if you are35+ and thry are younger and want children but not in the next few years. If you are lying about age can lead to trust issues. Stay local and stop being unrealistic. 1
preraph Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Realize you may be pulling better looking guys long distance only because they ARE long distance. Because you can never know if they already have a local partner of some type. They may be intentionally just looking for hookups they can do out of town and never get caught. 2
kendahke Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 What shall I do? Contact him... light and breezy... see if he sounds interested/happy/talkative and says something about making a date to meet up with you. If he doesn't, then he's not checking for you that hard. If he does, then make the date and meet him before you start constructing who you wished he'd be. That way, he's less likely to disappoint you without knowing it or why. If there are no guys in your area, maybe a change in location might be what you need in order to date locally... or addressing with a therapist your aversion to intimacy.
alphamale Posted October 20, 2019 Posted October 20, 2019 he's probably married or has a gf, he could also be gay, who knows? it's all a crapshoot 1
basil67 Posted October 20, 2019 Posted October 20, 2019 I can't figure out why you kept messaging with him. He didn't want to do a 3hr distance and you didn't want casual sex. Conversation should have ended then. That said, if you've looked at hundreds and hundreds of men and could only find six that you're interested in, then the problem clearly lies with you. Of course, you can be choosy if you want, but don't complain about the consequences of your choices. 1
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