How to Ask for a Second Chance?

[JEG88]

So I dated this woman for almost 2 months until recently. We have great sexual compatibility, but - at least initially - I felt we didn't have much else going on. Maybe it's that I'm multi-dating so am weighing options that made me think this, not sure.

 

The last time I saw her this past weekend, I aired my concerns. We talked about it and decided to break off for now, but not to the point of never talking again. It was hard since in hindsight, it felt like we both got attached to each other and in reality did enjoy each other's company outside of just sex.

 

It's been almost a week and I regret having that conversation. I've had plenty of time to sleep on it and figure if I miss the idea of her, vs. her as a person. And it's still the latter for me.

 

I feel like that's a sign, especially after this long considering I am seeing other women. I'm in the boat of wanting to ask for a second try.

 

Question is, what would be the best way to go about asking? I figure I would break the ice with a text asking if she would consider giving us another shot. I would think this is a low-key way to ask rather than putting her under the pressure of meeting up and answering face to face. Plus I'm not sure if she's still feeling emotional about it and wouldn't want to open that can of worms yet.

 

Will probably say something along the lines of realizing how we did have a good time together outside of the physical stuff, that she doesn't owe me anything but I would like to try again sort of thing.

 

Just not sure if I should air it all out via text in a one-shot effort? I feel like on one hand this may come off as desperate, but on the other I'd want her to have all of my core thoughts in case she did want to meet up to discuss it.

 

Thanks in advance.

Edited October 18, 2019 by JEG88

[Gaeta]

So you are ready to date her exclusively? If not I see no point of contacting her.

 

 

 

Messaging something this important through text is weak. You call her or meet her.

[JEG88]

So you are ready to date her exclusively? If not I see no point of contacting her.

 

Messaging something this important through text is weak. You call her or meet her.

 

Yes, I would want it to be exclusive and would communicate as such.

 

Definitely haven't psyched myself up beyond a text yet honestly. I still think a simple, short text asking if she would consider it would be a good "feeler" before diving into it on a call or in person no? Wouldn't want to blindside her to see things go sideways during a conversation is all.

[Gaeta]

It's a definitive NO for text. You are a grown man, take a risk and prove to her you mean it. Sending a test text is weak. Just pick up the phone and jump in both feet. If she rejects you so what!

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree that texting this comes across as weak and super low-effort - not good after you just broke it off. I agree with the suggestion to call her. If she doesn't answer and you want to put more detail in a text or email, fine. But at least make the effort to place a darn phone call first.

[preraph]

Is this the woman it was lackluster sex between the two of you or the other woman?

[JEG88]

Thanks all, I feel like I'm just being a wimp about it until I work up the courage to call her. Appreciate the kick in the butt.

 

Is this the woman it was lackluster sex between the two of you or the other woman?

 

No, the lackluster sex one was the one who wanted to stay friends. This is a different woman.

[basil67]

I think you're making a mistake. A person who's a good fit won't leave you feeling so lacklustre at the start.

[JEG88]

I think you're making a mistake. A person who's a good fit won't leave you feeling so lacklustre at the start.

 

That's just it. I don't think I gave things a fair shake with this woman from my OP the first time around, as I've been multi-dating which probably made me compare and cloud my judgment with all of the "what if" exercises.

 

I feel like giving it a proper shot the exclusive route would help get past the lingering thoughts I've had of her (which again, I feel is a sign despite me seeing other women to try to distract myself and forget) and see if things would really work or not. To be able to give it the proper mental/emotional energy.

[basil67]

If she was 'the one' she'd stand out head and shoulders above all the other women you've been seeing.

[Lotsgoingon]

I think you're talking yourself into liking this person ... and I think a great person for you will stand out ... even if you meet 100 other people.

 

But if you insist on doing this, get your rap together. I would say avoid apologizing ... don't mention the whole comparison issue ... Just say I think we can have a better time or good time going out. I like your energy and I want to give that side of our relationship time to develop.

 

Apologizing is draping a wet blanket ... You're bringing (you want to think) positive, upbeat energy ... and your upbeat energy says you enjoyed time with her and think things can develop. And that's the truth: you want to see if something develops.

[winny]

LOL looks like after dating around you realized how many weirdos are out there and understood her value.

[winny]

If she was 'the one' she'd stand out head and shoulders above all the other women you've been seeing.

 

She should not date OP. Because I feel he is someone that can have sex with multiple women at same time and thats not right or fair to this woman. She can do better.

[smackie9]

Op I think you are only doing this for yourself and very little consideration for her or how she feels. You act like you are taking a risk, when its her that would be taking the risk being exclusive with someone that want to give her a “fair shake”. If she have ever had the chance to read what you posted I doubt she would give you the time of day.

[basil67]

Yep "give it another shot" is the key to my heart (not)