He doesn't ask me questions

[Gretchen12]

Just relax. A good conversation is rarely a series of Q&A's. In fact I think people who are not good at holding a conversation end up throwing out one question after another because they don't know what to say so they keep throwing it back at the other person. You can get input and learn about someone by usind lead-ins and setup's that are not in the form of a question. But online dating is a Q&A format because it's technology, so the gathering of information is dry and formulated. Some people even have prepared in advance a list of questions to ask. When you do OLD a lot, it changes how you interact. So you're probably not used to the lack of questions to answer.

[Versacehottie]

In general I don't think you are wrong for wanting questions and I stick by what i said earlier. Just want to give you additional feedback that if after this first date, you guys have just been talking on the phone and texting, then don't expect a lot of questions. Lots of guys just use these to check in and set up the next date or push things that direction. They don't need to get your life story or talk a ton that way. I think in the future with him or whoever you need to evaluate more on how he communicates in person--that is more a real gauge of how compatible you are in this area of communication and if there is enough "there". Lots of guys i know are blunt and basic AF over text. And really it's a missed opportunity to get to know someone or have deeper conversations over text or even the phone. These are better in person. Changing the guy won't really guarantee that you get much different on this since so many of them do it so i think you should lower your expectations if you are meaning over text or in phone conversations. Good luck

[crispytoast]

When someone doesn't ask you questions about you, they are one of two things: Self centered or uninterested. Some do not grow out of their self centeredness of childhood, that's to be sure. I for one was very self centered as a kid until one day someone told me all I do is talk about myself to others. That changed me and now I stay a mystery to others and make sure to talk about other things not related to me.

I would disagree that it equates to self-centered or disinterested only. For me I just feel like lots of questions feel like an interview. Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions. But I always liked either witty banter or talking about ideas than asking questions about each other. What someone thinks about so and so thing makes more interesting conversation than talking about background or living situation at least that's how it feels to me. There seems to be an overwhelming opposite to that though from the females in this thread so perhaps this whole time women have been putting up with me long enough to find about my other redeeming qualities.

Edited October 20, 2019 by crispytoast

[basil67]

Yes, good conversation isn't a series of Q&A's. But, at least for besties, it does involve showing interest in things which are important to them. The rebellious teen or the parent going into hospital - and to show that we care, we ask. Or even the big "Are you OK?"

 

A few posters have mentioned simply offering up info without having been asked. Yes, this can work. But it's also a thing that some will hear this info and turn the conversation promptly back to themselves. You see, asking a question shows that we're listening.

[babybrowns]

OP, this is a very legitimate red flag. I was dating a guy EXACTLY like this and ended up being with him for 3 years because everything else was great. And guess what, deep down I was unhappy. Because he wasn’t that interested in *me*. Would never ask me questions, would never go ‘deep’, just wouldn’t be bothered about getting to know me and what makes me tick. When I was telling him about serious stuff that matters to me/personal big things that happened in my life, he would suddenly interrupt the conversation by pointing out a cute pigeon or something. It ruined things in the end.

[d0nnivain]

QueenMay

 

Just to be clear. I am not suggesting you stay with a guy who doesn't ask Qs or exhibit genuine interest in you for 3 years. I understand why babybrowns was unhappy & unfulfilled in that scenario. I am suggesting that maybe you give him 3 dates or 3 weeks, whichever is shorter to see if it's shyness / poor conversational skills rather then lack of interest. When you powered down he perked up but that business about him being more all over your promiscuous alter ego / fake profile is at least a yellow flag not be to ignored.

[Calmandfocused]

This happened to me a few months ago.

 

Went on a date with a guy, conversation flowed, he seemed very nice and on paper was a good match for me in terms of his work, kids etc. However ...

 

The whole evenings conversation focused on him. His work, his kids, his hobbies. All about him. The only things he learnt about me was the little bits of information I offered him about myself. I reflected afterwards and realised that he didn’t ask me one single question all night. Nothing!

 

I’m sure he was a nice guy but it put me right off him.

 

When he asked me for a second date I politely declined.

 

Op, you have my vote for passing on this one.

[olivetree]

I won't even be friends with people that don't ask questions, let alone date them.

It does not get better.

The conversation doesn't flow.

 

I'm noticing a lot of people not only don't ask questions, they don't even acknowledge your input into the conversation.

So even if you talk about yourself unprompted, the conversation is totally disjointed, like two people talking at each other.

So annoying.

 

OP, I'd move on if I were you.

Especially since he is only asking questions now that it seems you've lost interest.

[QueenMay]

Yeah, so after our first date he was contacting me every day asking how my day was, how was a trip I told him about, etc. We went for a date few days ago, it was nice, he walked me to the subway (I don't know him well enough to go by car with him), asked if I got home safely. However, still notasking me much. I was rather talking about myself. I told him I like jazz and he asked me out again for a jazz concert.. It's just he seems to be a nice guy, a bit shy and probably inexperienced so I will go out with him 1-2 times more to see if it will improve once he feels comfortable with me.

He is an only child though, so I'm thinking it might be the reason for his behaviour.. well, I don't expect any improvement

Edited October 22, 2019 by QueenMay

[d0nnivain]

Thank you for giving him a chance.

 

The more you post, the more I see him as a quiet, reserved introvert. He is interested because he's listening. As an only child he may not be the best talker.

 

My husband is a very quiet person. I misunderstood his quietness for lack of interest which is my bias here.

[QueenMay]

Thank you for giving him a chance.

 

The more you post, the more I see him as a quiet, reserved introvert. He is interested because he's listening. As an only child he may not be the best talker.

 

My husband is a very quiet person. I misunderstood his quietness for lack of interest which is my bias here.

I don't know if anyone cares but I wanted to give an update in case someone had similar problem. I talked to this guy about why he does not ask questions. He started to ask them after I discussed it with him. He was simply shy and a bit closed off. Now our communication is much better. So it's not always worst case scenario and it's important to discuss things openly You never know, you can loose great guy becasue you assume something which may very well not be true.

 

@d0nnivain thanks for advice