QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Hello all, Over a week ago I met online a guy. He asked me out, we were talking a lot about our shared interests (we have a lot in common). The problem is, I was asking him questions and he was answering but he was rarely asking me questions back. Also when I was telling him something he did not really dig deeper, e.g. I told him I was living abroad and he did not ask where, what I was doing there etc. He was not talking constantly though and didn't seem to be arrogant or narcissistic. After a date he told me he had a good time and asked me out again. Now we exchange some messages during the day but it's same thing.. only asking me back the same questions I ask him and not really commenting on what I say. Should I even meet him again? I am so frustrated with dating and I rejested so many guys because of red flags and also was rejected myself that I really lost hope I will find 'my guy'...
winny Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 instead of taking this so seriously why don't you casually ask with a smiley .. "you can also ask me some questions, you know? " that should encourage him if he is shy/introvert. based on what happens next you can take a decision. 2
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) I was wondering if I should do that or not. I am thinking maybe he is simply not that into me Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 He probably is into you, but not asking questions seems to be a conversation fault which is increasingly common. I don't know why it's happening, but it's a thing. Either that, or I'm just becoming increasingly aware of it. Anyway, if you want to give him a chance, flag it. If you don't care, then end it. But do give him the reason of "you don't ask many questions, so it appears you're not interested in me" 2
winny Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 He probably is into you, but not asking questions seems to be a conversation fault which is increasingly common. I don't know why it's happening, but it's a thing. Either that, or I'm just becoming increasingly aware of it. yeah this happens to me as well. I ask a question, they give an answer but then don't ask anything back to keep the conversation going. People have forgotten how to converse LOL 3
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 And it's not just young people. I'm in my 50's and find it in people 15 years each side of me. 1
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) Oh gosh.. people are that self centered or what? Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Yes indeed. It drives me nuts. Thankfully my core group of friends do show interest in each other and make sure the whole table is included in conversations.
Flame Aura Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Sounds like he is inexperienced with women. Depends if you want a man who knows how to talk to and act around a woman or a boy who is clueless like this guy and hopefully gets more confidence in the future.
Maddie82 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 You're making too much of a big deal out of this. You just want allot of attention but he just sounds a little shy. It also sounds like he really likes you though. He will open up more when he gets more comfortable with you. 1
salparadise Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) You're making too much of a big deal out of this...... I agree. He may be self-conscious, or he may be second guessing questioning as being too personal at this stage. I don't like it when people I barely know ask too many prying, personal questions. I also don't like made up questions, like what superpower would you most like to have and why. There's a lot more to good conversation than incessant interrogation. Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 Well, I think I cannot make it... Today he wrote me something about our planned meeting on Sunday. I asked him how was his day yesterday (he was working long hours) and he answer and did not ask back. I need someone who pays attention to me. I don't need tons of it but normal question about my day, plans for the weekend, anything! 2
Maddie82 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) So you need ALLOT of attention? Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
crispytoast Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) I I don't like it when people I barely know ask too many prying, personal questions. I also don't like made up questions, like what superpower would you most like to have and why. There's a lot more to good conversation than incessant interrogation. Yep. I don't like people to ask me a bunch of questions. And so I don't ask many either. I figure we'll share what we want to share when we want to share it. Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 So you need ALLOT of attention? Is one question a day about your day a lot of attention? If I like someone I am curious how is he... 1
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Is one question a day about your day a lot of attention? If I like someone I am curious how is he... I think we're discovering who else here doesn't understand basic social skills... "So what have you got planned for your weekend QueenMay?" It's not rocket science. 3
Maddie82 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Is one question a day about your day a lot of attention? If I like someone I am curious how is he... The way you described it sounds like you want allot more than that. Instead of asking us (because we don't know him) why don't you tell him it's OK to talk to you more and ask about your day because you like that kind of thing. He might be relieved. Some people don't want to come across like they are prying.
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 Do you think I should give it a shot and call him out on ahy he is not asking me questions or just tell him it will not work out?
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) .....why don't you tell him it's OK to talk to you more and ask about your day because you like that kind of thing. He might be relieved. Some people don't want to come across like they are prying. How should I say it to not make it sound rude? "I've noticed you don't like asking questions, am I right?". Maybe it will make him think? Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Maddie82 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) I wouldn't blurt it out just like that. That's just putting him on the awkward spot. Be kind, smile. Tell him it's ok to talk more and ask you questions because you like that as it shows genuine interest. Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 That's a nice way to put it. Far better than "I've noticed that you're not interested in anyone but yourself" Just spend a moment considering if my suggestion is actually what's going on. I know quite a few who this explanation fits. 1
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) @basil67.... I am close to simply finish this but then it will not hurt to give it a shot. If it will not improve I will know he is just self centered 100% Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
chillii Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Could be any of a few things. He's quiet, or a bad conversationalist, or just not that interested, l'd give it a little nudge as people have suggested, see what he's got to say.
amaysngrace Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Don’t make “you” statements because it puts people on the defensive by sounding accusatory. Instead try “I” or “we.” And you don’t need to be asked questions in order to talk. Find your voice and just talk. If you’ve lived abroad and you want him to know where then include it in the conversation. If you want to talk about your day then say “I had the best day” or “something so funny happened today” and go from there. You can set the tone as well, it does take two.
Author QueenMay Posted October 18, 2019 Author Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) @amaysngrace.... I have to admit that I am guilty of not sharing much about myself and focusing on another person. I definately should think about that Edited October 18, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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