fromheart Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Unfortunately that's the case with FWB, you can't get what you want either way. And that's a good point. You seem to want it your way; FWB but with a lack of of intimacy that suits you. To meet someone who is happy with being disposable AND fulfills your needs is going to be difficult. People who don't care about your sexual satisfaction, are going to be prevalent in the world of casual sex. Such behavior is not right, but you are also not concerned about giving intimate satisfaction. So for some, that's a green light to not give sexual satisfaction. Had an ex who had a lot of casual sex. She'd trained her body to separate sex and intimacy, to the point that she couldn't give intimacy even when she wanted to. I on the other hand, have never separated the two as though the sexual experience can be wild and out there, its also a caring and trusting one. Your inside of a woman in a very sacred space at the end of the day. Or sexual experiences make us, this might be an opportunity to reflect on that.
stillafool Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 I am a bit worried about finding a new guy though, some guys looking for casual sex tend to be on the very rough side and don't care about your sexual satisfaction. Neither does this one from what you've described.
stillafool Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 He is having some nice uncomplicated sex the way he likes it, why would he want to do stuff he doesn't like doing? Exactly. This is what he wants from his FWB. You guys just aren't compatible as FWBs. Time to end it.
FMW Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Just like with any other type of relationship, compatibility with a FWB is important. Sounds like you're simply not sexually compatible. He has a preference that he won't stray from and you need more variety. (Something that occurs in committed relationships as well.) From my own experience, regardless of how others see things, my FWB relationship is definitely not cold or impersonal or without emotion. It's the only one I've ever had or plan to have since eventually I do want a "regular" relationship again. But for almost a year it's been working pretty well. Obviously not everyone is cut out for FWB, but again, it seems your issue, OP, is about compatibility. Finding someone who wants what you want and HOW you want it. 1
Author contel3 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Posted October 19, 2019 I don't know if I expressed myself wrong. It's not like I don't want any emotional intimacy at all or that he hasn't been considerate. I'm not a machine and I don't sleep with people I don't have at least some connection with. It's more that I don't really feel much sexual energy if that makes any sense....usually even in loving relationships I've always felt this sort of basic instinct...that makes you feel wanted on a primal level. Now its gentle, intimate but I don't feel like he wants to **** me!
Author contel3 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Posted October 19, 2019 Just like with any other type of relationship, compatibility with a FWB is important. Sounds like you're simply not sexually compatible. He has a preference that he won't stray from and you need more variety. (Something that occurs in committed relationships as well.) From my own experience, regardless of how others see things, my FWB relationship is definitely not cold or impersonal or without emotion. It's the only one I've ever had or plan to have since eventually I do want a "regular" relationship again. But for almost a year it's been working pretty well. Obviously not everyone is cut out for FWB, but again, it seems your issue, OP, is about compatibility. Finding someone who wants what you want and HOW you want it. I think this might be quite spot on.
preraph Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 ^ It feels too familial. Again, incompatible for this arrangement.
stillafool Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 I don't know if I expressed myself wrong. It's not like I don't want any emotional intimacy at all or that he hasn't been considerate. I'm not a machine and I don't sleep with people I don't have at least some connection with. It's more that I don't really feel much sexual energy if that makes any sense....usually even in loving relationships I've always felt this sort of basic instinct...that makes you feel wanted on a primal level. Now its gentle, intimate but I don't feel like he wants to **** me! That's okay. It isn't the fault of either of you. A compatible FWB will make you feel the way you want to. This guy isn't it.
Author contel3 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Posted October 19, 2019 That's okay. It isn't the fault of either of you. A compatible FWB will make you feel the way you want to. This guy isn't it. Yeah I guess...somehow though I feel like as a woman I should not feel this way. This kinda worries me.
stillafool Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Yeah I guess...somehow though I feel like as a woman I should not feel this way. This kinda worries me. What way? That you aren't entitled to sex the way you want it?
Author contel3 Posted October 19, 2019 Author Posted October 19, 2019 What way? That you aren't entitled to sex the way you want it? Well no, of course I shouldn't do anything I don't want to. It's probably quite antiquated, but I feel like I should not want dirtier/wilder sex. Like others have mentioned sex is also a bonding experience. While I really enjoy a vide variety of things, some of it isn't really "caring"...
stillafool Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Well no, of course I shouldn't do anything I don't want to. It's probably quite antiquated, but I feel like I should not want dirtier/wilder sex. Like others have mentioned sex is also a bonding experience. While I really enjoy a vide variety of things, some of it isn't really "caring"... LOL, some married people only like wild/dirty sex but still are in love with each other. Some couples bond over dirty/wild sex. There's nothing strange about what you want you just have to find the right partner. I would go as far as to say more women are now into dirty/wild sex than ever before.
FMW Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 contel3, you don't need to worry about yourself. Most of us women have our moments
dramallama Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Yeah I guess...somehow though I feel like as a woman I should not feel this way. This kinda worries me. Why are you worried? You're allowed to embrace your sexuality, it's not the 50s any more. I had a FWB for just over a year and we explored each other's fantasies and had a brilliant time - it was just the tonic after a long stale marriage. I think you just need to find someone you're sexually compatible with and then own that you're a sexual woman - it's AMAZING, don't be shy.
preraph Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Well no, of course I shouldn't do anything I don't want to. It's probably quite antiquated, but I feel like I should not want dirtier/wilder sex. Like others have mentioned sex is also a bonding experience. While I really enjoy a vide variety of things, some of it isn't really "caring"... Some of it is humiliating, and that's when you say no, not my cup of tea, or "I don't like being made to feel like a prostitute." But do whatever you like and are comfortable with. And don't do if you're not . Casual sex isn't necessarily a bonding experience, if it's done right. Just sayin'.
PRW Posted October 20, 2019 Posted October 20, 2019 PRW's point about bonding is quite valid IMO. That said it's also true that everyone's a little different and folks have different attachment styles etc. But you shouldn't be shocked if FWB sex starts leading to bonding eventually in many of the men (I don't think it's just women)Never said it was just women. I said it was stronger with women, and it is.
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