contel3 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Not sure if this the good section. I am a woman involved in an fwb situation with a guy. He doesn't want committment which is alright with me. Its quite nice in and outside the bedroom, but he's being way too intimate and romantic during sex. It's kinda making me uncomfortable and makes it harder to keep my emotions in check. At the same time he's not very experimental and doesn't really want to try new things. I have tried suggesting new positions or sex outside the bedroom but he always refuses. So I am wondering: why have an fwb to have only vanilla, slow, looking eachother in the eyes relationship kind of sex? Why doesn't he want to experiment and try new things? I am quite monogamous by nature and Im starting to feel unhappy in this arrangement as Im not getting enough variety. The sex is good, its just not what Im looking for in a casual arrangement. I am thinking about moving on, but Im wondering if there's a fix. I feel ridiculous for feeling this way lol. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Only he can answer that. IMO if this is over stepping the boundaries of your arrangement address it right away, then decide to end it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 I'm a little confused, are you saying you would be open to having a relationship with him but he is unwilling to commit or are you saying its unsatisfying? You seem to blur the line here. The ideas are contradictory. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 FWB almost always end with the woman developing feelings for the guy. Sex is a bonding mechanism more so for women than it is men, FWB runs against nature. You may be blaming him for being too romantic when it is really just you interpreting it that way,...after all you also said he is too "plain" about it as well,...the two kind of contradict. But regardless, in any case,...FWB always fails after a while because it is unnatural. So if you enter into a FWB you have to accept up front that it is only gong to be for a short time, that in the end there really isn't much "benefit" to it, and it will end with one of the two developing feelings (usually the woman). Sex isn't a sport,...it runs deep into human spirit and emotions. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 So I am wondering: why have an fwb to have only vanilla, slow, looking eachother in the eyes relationship kind of sex? Why doesn't he want to experiment and try new things? Why do you think he doesn't want to experiment and try new things? Why are you settling for a vanilla, romantic FWB? Why are you sticking around? The whole point of these types of relationships is that you can break them easily. I am thinking about moving on, but Im wondering if there's a fix. I feel ridiculous for feeling this way lol. What kind of a fix are you thinking of employing? Why hasn't it been implemented already? You have way more power than you seem to believe you have to end this and move on. Why aren't you doing it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author contel3 Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 Why do you think he doesn't want to experiment and try new things? Because I've tried proposing more racy ideas, but he always rejects them for more traditional kind of sex. I haven't moved on yet, because it was good for a while and I only recently started getting bored. And I kinda want to keep it going as long as possible so I don't have to sleep around. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 The answer is so basic that the question itself is confounding. It goes like this: Hi, fwb. I need more variety as I've mentioned in the past. If you are not comfortable providing that as my fwb partner, I will find another one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 If you're an attractive woman, you're unlikely to need to "sleep around" too much. Shop around instead. Date, but don't bed, except with the men who seem to really fit your criteria early on. Then be extremely candid and up front that you're interested in FWB but nothing more and see if the man accepts. If not, then move on. I suppose you might encounter a few who agree to this but "aren't right" for FWB, but that seems to be happening anyway. So you may have to try out a few, it's true. PRW's point about bonding is quite valid IMO. That said it's also true that everyone's a little different and folks have different attachment styles etc. But you shouldn't be shocked if FWB sex starts leading to bonding eventually in many of the men (I don't think it's just women). Possibly the current FWB has sensed you starting to lose interest/crave variety that he doesn't provide, and ramping up the romance is a (possibly unconscious) attempt to keep the FWB thing going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 So there you have it....you must communicate to him your issues. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 He's in love with sex. Those goo-goo eyes are just because he's having sex. It would make me uncomfortable too if all I wanted was sex. And yeah, I guess if the sex isn't good enough and sex is all you want from him, better set him free. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Well maybe it's time to find a new FWB. You aren't comfortable with his romanticism and the sex is too vanilla so I guess it's time to end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 There are certain rules of engagement with a FWB relationship: 1. No feelings allowed 2. It should be fun Sounds like this guy is developing feelings & you're bored. So unless you want a relationship, it's time to end this before you hurt him more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 You seem to blur the line here. The ideas are contradictory. Not really, she wanted a FWB. She wanted an all singing all dancing kind of a FWB who was up for trying new exciting stuff. But this guy is not up for new exciting stuff, he is not Mr SuperStud just a soppy romantic guy in bed. A gf would no doubt love that kind of stuff from her bf, but the OP is a FWB and she is getting bored regarding the sex and worried with all this loving type stuff he is doing, she will get attached to him. She needs to stop the FWB arrangement asap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 FWBs don't last forever and sounds like this one just came up on its shelf life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 So I am wondering: why have an fwb to have only vanilla, slow, looking eachother in the eyes relationship kind of sex? Why doesn't he want to experiment and try new things? Because that's apparently the kind of sex he likes. He doesn't associate the same emotions with the eye-locking that you do. It doesn't necessarily qualify as "relationship sex" for him. He doesn't want to experiment with you because, well, see above. He knows what he likes and he sticks with it. It could also be because some people associate sexual experimentation with a certain degree of vulnerability, stepping outside their comfort zone. And that might be something they only want to do with a partner they have an actual emotional investment and relationship with, not just a FWB. If you're tiring of it, and want more excitement, this isn't your guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 If you don't want any form of emotional intimacy in sex, there are plenty of men who would be pleased and happy about that. You should break it off with your current fwb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 The answer is so basic that the question itself is confounding. It goes like this: Hi, fwb. I need more variety as I've mentioned in the past. If you are not comfortable providing that as my fwb partner, I will find another one. not that direct, but you need to lay your cards down on the table Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 The answer is so basic that the question itself is confounding. It goes like this: Hi, fwb. I need more variety as I've mentioned in the past. If you are not comfortable providing that as my fwb partner, I will find another one. Effectively summing up why FWB is a cold, disposable practice in a cold, disposable world. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author contel3 Posted October 18, 2019 Author Share Posted October 18, 2019 not that direct, but you need to lay your cards down on the table Tbh I don't want sex completely devoid of emotional intimacy. And yeah, I have trouble being that direct as I don't want to hurt his feeling or have him turn super cold on me. I don't want it to be transactional, just more varied and wild. I have tried communicating in a more round about way. We also do things outside the bedroom, so I have tried proposing new activities, I have tried asking for doggy style (he won't do any position where you can't see the others face, even when I ask for it), sex on the sofa, being blindfolded, I have tried telling him we should try new things in and outside the bedroom as I'm getting bored...for him to tell me he would love to try new things and then carry on as usual. I'm not sure, have I not been direct enough? I agree that I should and will move on. The point is for it to be fun and it isn't anymore. I am a bit worried about finding a new guy though, some guys looking for casual sex tend to be on the very rough side and don't care about your sexual satisfaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Tbh I don't want sex completely devoid of emotional intimacy. And yeah, I have trouble being that direct as I don't want to hurt his feeling or have him turn super cold on me. I don't want it to be transactional, just more varied and wild. I have tried communicating in a more round about way. We also do things outside the bedroom, so I have tried proposing new activities, I have tried asking for doggy style (he won't do any position where you can't see the others face, even when I ask for it), sex on the sofa, being blindfolded, I have tried telling him we should try new things in and outside the bedroom as I'm getting bored...for him to tell me he would love to try new things and then carry on as usual. I'm not sure, have I not been direct enough? I agree that I should and will move on. The point is for it to be fun and it isn't anymore. I am a bit worried about finding a new guy though, some guys looking for casual sex tend to be on the very rough side and don't care about your sexual satisfaction. Not sure what's wrong with this guy... that kinda stuff would be right up my street... if you happen to be in the UK I know someone to take his place, drop me a message 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Truth is it is fun for him the way things are. He is not changing as the things you propose are not seen as fun for him, else he would do them. He is not your bf, he doesn't "need" to please you. He is having some nice uncomplicated sex the way he likes it, why would he want to do stuff he doesn't like doing? Try not to mess with his head. If it isn't for you, then just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 If someone is rough in bed without your consent, if they don't stop when you say, this is sexual abuse. Don't tolerate this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Unfortunately that's the case with FWB, you can't get what you want either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 If it is not right, then end it. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 If it is not right, then end it. Yeah I don't think you should require serious conversations, ultimatums or have to beg just to try doggy style. Boring. Link to post Share on other sites
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