rjc149 Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 Really? Some women love "weak, submissive and supplicating" men who put them on a pedestal, and buy them romantic gifts... Not every woman wants a "macho" man. Real life is complicated... I think you will find not many women are attracted to guys who "firmly and gently set her straight"... she may accept it but resentment tends to build... As for context here . We do not know that the OP is a weak, submissive, supplicating man, he may be a bit of a tyrant who throws gifts around to make up for his bad behaviour and she got a "dig" in as she is fed up of his "sorry" gifts and would rather he just behave... Some women may want a weak, submissive, "beta" man following her around like a butler at her beck and call, because it validates her emotionally and offers her security in the relationship. I think that's a rarity. I don't think the majority of women will remain sexually attracted to these types of men, and I think it's *extremely* poor advice for a man struggling in a relationship to tell him it's okay to be a weak, submissive little sycophant and to not stand up for himself lest she resent it. We don't know the specifics of the relationship, you're right. He could be a tyrant, he could be emotionally manipulative and abusive and he uses these gifts as leverage. But, based on the fact patterns provided, she is reacting to him and treating him in the manner that a woman would when she is losing respect and attraction for her man, and is pushing him away. So either he tells her what's okay and what's not okay and "sets her straight" on how he wants to be treated, and if she doesn't respect his wishes, he walks and never looks back. 1
rjc149 Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 Just saying, my reaction to my GF sending me a gift would have been "aw geeze, that was sweet! Thanks I feel so loved" ...and then immediately thinking of a gift to get her. It wouldn't be "damn that delivery girl was FINE!" You know, because that would be really f--king mean and it would upset her. 2
Allupinnit Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 To be fair though, she has asked that he cut down on doing those "showy" things. At this point she may see it as manipulative or disingenuous - to get a specific reaction from her and not out of selfless affection. It's not even a holiday or special occasion that would warrant that sort of gesture. 1
rjc149 Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 (edited) To be fair though, she has asked that he cut down on doing those "showy" things. At this point she may see it as manipulative or disingenuous - to get a specific reaction from her and not out of selfless affection. It's not even a holiday or special occasion that would warrant that sort of gesture. True, I didn't gather that bit. If he's showering her with unwanted gifts in an effort to cull favor then yes, that's manipulative and profoundly repulsive to women. If he wants to pay for love, he can go get a hooker. The 'hot delivery guy' comment was probably her way of finally getting through to him to stop it with the excessive gift-giving because it's not appreciated. Maybe I was the one looking at this out of an even greater context. Still, she needs to just break it off with him instead of disrespecting him more and more and hoping he leaves with his head down, and he needs to learn how to be a more confident attractive man. Edited October 17, 2019 by rjc149 2
winny Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 if you are in a relationship then you do not call people of the opposite sex as hot in front of your BF/GF. that is rude and disrespectful.
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) Guys have this whole 'testing' theory happening. I'm a woman and I don't buy it for a minute. These male dating gurus are taking what is basically insensitive behaviour and turning into some type of complex text. It's not a test, it's poor social skills. Edited October 18, 2019 by basil67 4
ExpatInItaly Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Guys have this whole 'testing' theory happening. I'm a woman and I don't buy it for a minute. These male dating gurus are taking what is basically insensitive behaviour and turning into some type of complex text. It's not a test, it's poor social skills. I agree, Basil. I’m a woman too. She’s not “testing” you, OP. She’s either rude or annoyed you keep gifting her. Or both. It’s not that complicated. 2
OatsAndHall Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 Here would have been my response, given the context you have laid out in this thread and others. Her: "That biker... He was damn hot!" Me: "So, let me get this straight. I just sent you a gift because you're having a rough day at work and you're more focused on the "hot" delivery guy? I'm going to tap out on this one for a bit as that comment stung. I think we both need some time to think about where this relationship is going." Her: -Insert gaslighting- Me: "I'm not going to fight over this. That comment hurt and I need some time to reevaluate where I am in this relationship." Take it for what it is, my friend. 2
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 I agree OP may have brought this upon himself by being so beta that she lost respect for him. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. She is not 100% invested, OP is reacting by chasing her down, she is reacting by lacking respect toward him. In every scenario the conclusion is the same, he is more invested than she is. This relationship isn't meant to be. . 1
rjc149 Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 A woman being insensitive and disrespectful toward her man is often a reaction to his unattractive behavior, not necessarily an inherent flaw in her character. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. 2
OatsAndHall Posted October 18, 2019 Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) I agree OP may have brought this upon himself by being so beta that she lost respect for him. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. She is not 100% invested, OP is reacting by chasing her down, she is reacting by lacking respect toward him. In every scenario the conclusion is the same, he is more invested than she is. This relationship isn't meant to be. . Although I agree that the OP needs to have more backbone in the situation, I can't personally excuse his SO's behavior. If she isn't invested, then she needs to be an adult, break it off and move forward. Especially when she's just received an expensive piece of jewelry from him. If she were mature, she would take one look at that gift and say, "I'm sorry, but I can't accept this. I'm really not sure about where I stand with in our relationship and I need to think about things." But, she's managing to have her cake and eat it too and there's no way around it. Edited October 18, 2019 by OatsAndHall 1
fromheart Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 (edited) Her: "That biker... He was damn hot!" Me: "So, let me get this straight. I just sent you a gift because you're having a rough day at work and you're more focused on the "hot" delivery guy? I'm going to tap out on this one for a bit as that comment stung. I think we both need some time to think about where this relationship is going. Her: "That biker... He was damn hot!" Me: "Then you should go for him, as you are now single. Could I have the gift back? I could get a refund." Edited October 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote edited
fromheart Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Guys have this whole 'testing' theory happening. I'm a woman and I don't buy it for a minute. . Real women don't indulge in childish 'tests.' Life's hard enough already.
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