Why is ex rubbing it in my face.

[Lifegoeson12]

To cut a long story short my ex and I broke up, we tried to remain friends after the break up but it didn't work. We ended up fighting like we where still together. I cut all contact with my ex after our last fight.

 

A reached out a few weeks later over an email, saying that as we tend to see each other we should at least be civil. I got a nasty email back explaining that he has never cut an ex out of his life before and that I made it very easy for him to do so and that he couldnt see us being friends anytime soon. Now I didnt cheat or I wasnt a needy ex we just had a few ups and downs.

 

Anyway I replied to his email and apologized for any of my mistakes in the relationship and that I couldnt be his friend after the break up becuase I still had feelings for him. I accepted my wrong doings in the relationship and explained my feelings etc and that I didnt want to be friends to which he changed his tune and said he really hopes one day we can be friends.

 

Anyway I left it on a positive note and ended up bumping into him, he came over with the biggest smile on his face, gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek and asked me how I was doing etc. Now I have been using the break up as a way of getting into great shape and I know he noticed becuase I caught him checking me out as we where talking. He even mentioned that I looked good in my new clothes. We chatted for a bit and I left to meet some friends.

 

I just cant understand how come he hasnt unblocked me if he was so happy to see me and we chatted like friends. I'm not saying I want to jump back into friends or even text him if he did unblock me but I really thought we both had moved past the negitives.

 

Am I wrong in thinking that unblocking would have been the nice thing to do? I would have unblocked him if it was the other way around.

 

I don't want to get back together, I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been but a friendship down the line I wouldn't mind.

 

Why would you keep someone who you are now on good terms with blocked?

[ExpatInItaly]

He not have unblocked you for several reasons. Among them could be:

 

1) Because he doesn't actually want to resume a friendship at this point and doesn't see the sense of re-opening an avenue of communication.

 

2) He thinks unblocking might give you false hope for a reconciliation.

 

3) He has met someone else and doesn't want messages from the ex coming through

 

4) He simply hasn't thought to do so

 

You had a pleasant encounter. I would leave it at that. There would be no point in keeping in touch right now. A big mistake a lot of us make is trying to apply our own behaviour to others, claiming that we would have done X, Y or Z in their shoes. But other people aren't us. We can't really know what their motivations are or assume they'd behave as we do.

 

A friendship down the road might be feasible, but not while you are still healing. You say you don't want to get back together, which may be true, but the very fact that you're rattled that he didn't unblock you reveals you are not ready to be friends yet. Your feelings are still too strong. And that's okay. It's normal after a break-up. Don't put so much focus on why he does what he does; concentrate on your own healing, which will include not even checking if he's unblocked you.

[basil67]

Big smile, hug and kiss when bumping into him was him being pleasant. It doesn't mean he wants to have you in his life.

[Maddie82]

Why should he unblock you? Just because you bumped into each other in the street once and were civil doesn't mean that he has to unblock you. He hasn't done it because he doesn't want to. Accept it and move on.

[d0nnivain]

Why would you keep someone who you are now on good terms with blocked?

 

Being able to be pleasant in person makes you civil. That is no reason to give an EX the intimate insights into your life provided through social media. Plus, most new SOs would not be happy that you are still connected to an EX. You keep them blocked because you are smart.

[scooby-philly]

I'm sorry I missed it - but where are you talking about? Social Media? If you're true about NC then stop snooping.

 

I know - just write before I wrote this, I was literally tempted to go on to the dating website I know my most recent ex is on to snoop. But I caught myself. I'm getting past the pain and grief stage and I don't want to relapse. I did not do anything wrong and I couldn't have been more lovely and I don't need to beat myself up or send myself spiraling into "why"?, etc.

 

Just let it go. For now. Just let it go.

[preraph]

Maybe he doesn't want you to see photos of what he's been doing and with whom, or possibly even the lack thereof. Don't get up false hopes. It sounds like it was pretty well over. He knows where to find you if he wants to ask you out and have a proper relationship. Even if he decides some night when drunk and lonely to have sex with you, that doesn't mean anything either. That's fairly common in recent breakups. Hold onto your dignity.

[Lifegoeson12]

I cut contact with my ex about a month ago, total radio silence.

I got into an argument with him and told him I never wanted to speak to him again.

 

Fast forward to now and he is being super nice, He blocked me on Whatsapp and I removed him from my social media. Anyway, I had to email him to let him know I found some of his stuff and that I would leave it at reception for him at work. He wouldn't allow me to drop it in, he wanted to collect it off me in person. He was being nice and funny etc in his replys. He even asked if he could unblock me on whatsapp.

 

I met up with him, he shook my hand and we chatted for a little bit.He was bragging about getting a promotion in work. I got him the job but It felt like he was trying to rub my nose in it. He told me that I should follow him on instagram, and now that we can communicate I should reach out. I did follow him only to see he is now on vacation with his new partner. I feel like he done that on purpose and is trying to rub my nose in it. I lost weight got into great shape, went from auburn to blone and made some great changes yet all I got from him when we met was a hi blondie. I asked him if he had anything nice planned or vacations and he said no but is posting about it on his instagram.

 

Now I feel awkward. I want to unfollow him and block him but I feel like that would make me look childish as we just got back in touch but I just don't feel as if I am 100% ready to see him with someone else. I am happy he is happy, sad its not with me but I am happy for him and I want to be happy. I was totally fine until he came back into my life. I have made so many changes for the better since our break up, people have commented on the fact that I am no longer the same. I used the 4 weeks of no contact to change areas that needed to be changed. He just got into another relationship.

 

Seeing him again sparked the attraction for me but I keep telling myself I can and will be over him soon enough. But I do wish we could have worked it out. I know its over!!

 

Why would he ask to unblock me, add me on instagram and want to stay in touch if he has a new partner? Is it rub my face in it or to try make me jelous.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Sounds like he is content in his new life and just wants to bury the hatchet. Instead of having bad vibes floating around, he is being cordial.

 

Since being in contact with him is setting you back, but you don't want to re-block, try to "hide" his profile, if that's an option. Your emotional health comes first, so don't be afraid to re-block if it comes to that.

 

You seem to be a bit jealous, which is totally normal under the circumstances. It will pass. Keep in mind that while you've been making wonderful self improvements, he just hopped into another relationship right away. Right now he is still in the honeymoon phase with the new woman, but his old issues will resurface since he hasn't addressed them.

 

Healing takes time. Keep making great improvements and moving forward.

[stillafool]

I don't think he's rubbing it in your face but now wants to be a friend because he has moved on. In your other thread you said you didn't want him back. If it's bothering you following him then don't. You won't be seeing him anymore anyway so just block him to help you move on too.

[preraph]

Oh, he's not being nice. He is rubbing it in your face and wanted to see if you'd unblock him because he wants to think you still want him. Block him and leave him blocked. Guys aren't trying to be friends with their exes. Block him and forget what he thinks about it. Just do it and leave him behind.

[elaine567]

A nice guy would have unblocked you and warned you he was now in a relationship again, not set you up for a shock... That was deliberate.. He is NOT your friend block him and move on.

If you continue viewing his SM, he can keep dropping in the odd "bragging" pic of his new gf, designed to make him feel good and to make you feel bad...

[schlumpy]

I'm so sorry you still have intense feelings for him. I knew how this would end up the minute I read that he wouldn't let you leave his things at reception.

 

How would he have stopped you? Why did you even call? Just show up with a box and plunk it down on the desk and say this is for the jerk up stairs. (Insert name where I used jerk)

 

He fed you false hope so he could get the message across to you about his great new life without you.

 

Is it childish to block him again? I think it's childish of you to take that kind of slap in the face and not hit back.

 

Quit parroting all the pop-psychology crap that we are fed today about anger being bad and we all need to seek nirvana.

 

Do something for yourself. He certainly did.

[TheFinalWord]

He may not be doing it exclusively to make you jealous, but he does want you to see that he has found someone else.

 

He's shown his true colors. Instead of trying to work things out with you, he dates someone else.

 

He assumes because he's moved on, that you have too and that it is okay to re-connect on social media and to see his dating life. He wanted you to see that to get the last word. Though I wouldn't assume he is posting exclusively for you. But if he can rub it in a little bit, yeah, he is doing that too. In short, he's obtuse and inconsiderate of your feelings.

 

Because he is ready, does not mean you have to be.

 

I would tell him that you are happy is he happy, but you are not in a place where you want to see him with someone else yet. For that reason, you need to remove him from social media. Maybe someday, when you have moved on and you are dating someone else, you can re-add each other. But it's not healthy right now. If you care about his opinion, you could tell him that and that you aren't removing him out of spite, but so that you can heal and move on. What he does with that is up to him.

 

Don't worry about how he perceives you. You're not together which means you have to put your needs first. And for you, following him on social media is hurting you and holding you back from healing.

 

PS: I see you did the 30 day no contact rule. That rule is BS. If he was trying to contact you during this time and you ignored him, that could also twist his interpretation of things. But you'll have to let us know if he tried reaching out and if you ignored his attempts by following the 30 day no contact gimmick.

Edited October 15, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[ExpatInItaly]

It''s time for you to protect your own well-being and delete him from social media. Who cares what he thinks?

 

Do you really want a front-row seat to the blossoming of his new relationship?

 

Worry less about what he will think, and more about acting in your own best interest.

[Maddie82]

 

He was bragging about getting a promotion in work. I got him the job but It felt like he was trying to rub my nose in it. He told me that I should follow him on instagram, and now that we can communicate I should reach out. I did follow him only to see he is now on vacation with his new partner. I feel like he done that on purpose and is trying to rub my nose in it.

 

I think this is just your imagination. He has moved on and risen up in his career and his personal life. You are clearly not over him if you think he was doing these things deliberately.

 

I lost weight got into great shape, went from auburn to blone and made some great changes yet all I got from him when we met was a hi blondie.

 

You made these changes just for him to notice you? Why, when you know he is with someone else?

 

Now I feel awkward. I want to unfollow him and block him but I feel like that would make me look childish as we just got back in touch but I just don't feel as if I am 100% ready to see him with someone else. Seeing him again sparked the attraction for me but I keep telling myself I can and will be over him soon enough. But I do wish we could have worked it out. I know its over!!

 

Why would he ask to unblock me, add me on instagram and want to stay in touch if he has a new partner? Is it rub my face in it or to try make me jelous.

 

He's not in the same place you are. He only see's you now as a friend and obviously hoped that you two could remain friends now. But this is not the case for you so yes, unfollow and block him. If you don't, you wont be able to move on.

[rjc149]

Now I have been using the break up as a way of getting into great shape

 

This is why you'll end up better off than him, because you are motivated to keep improving yourself.

 

I used the 4 weeks of no contact to change areas that needed to be changed. He just got into another relationship.

 

Change -- for who? Sounds like you are doing this all for him.

 

If you can't handle seeing him with his new partner, block and unfollow. Whatever he thinks of it or interprets is his problem. If at any point in the future he wants to reach out to you, he knows how.

[Lifegoeson12]

To cut a long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend a few months back and I used the pain and heart break to motivate me to become the best version I can be. We don’t speak often but I have bumped into him a few times and he has messaged me on social media the odd time.

 

Now I’m quite proud of my transformation, I went from a slightly overweight auburn to a blonde Bombshell. I lost weight, got super toned and really improved myself inside and out. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in mentally and physically. I get compliments all the time from people and my family and friends have told me countless times that they can’t get over my transformation.

 

Not that it really bothers me, but my Ex never once commented on my changes not even a I’m happy to see your doing well. He follows me on Instagram and watches everything I put up, randomly likes my pictures and so on yet not once has he said good on you or congrats on the health change. He was bragging to me about a promotion he got in work and I was genuinely happy for him.

 

Why wouldn’t you compliment someone even if it was your ex, surely if you seen someone who really worked their ass off you’d at least think wow fair play to them.

 

I’ve no interest in getting back with him but I do wonder of all the people I’ve had in my life he is he only one who hasn’t said a thing. I have had older ex’s reach out and say wow you look amazing. If it was a friend who didn’t say anything i would assume it was jealousy but I can’t imagine my ex would be jealous of my changes.

[Gaeta]

No.

 

 

 

A few years ago I lost tons of weight and turned into a hot mama. I never EVER even thought I should get a compliment from an ex. Once I got a message from a guy I had gone on 2-3 dates with and he had not called back. When he messaged me saying we should get together I told him to F off.

[Flame Aura]

Wow do you only think about yourself all the time??? Self-centered much?

 

You broke up with him a few months ago - do you really think he's over you? No he's not, especially if he is watching everything you do on social media.

 

Why on Earth would he start complimenting you? You are the one who probably broke his heart, and now he knows you are getting a lot of attention.

 

Last thing he is going to do is say 'Wow you look so good and happy now congratulations, I'm glad that the ending of our relationship was the catalyst for these changes, just shows you are better off without me, hope you meet a great guy'.

 

Give the guy a break. Why do you care anyway? You shouldn't.

[Blind-Sided]

1) Why the heck should he complement you? Doesn't matter the story of who did what... but he's not going to tell you what he thinks.

 

2) Why do you care? Before you say you don't... you obviously do. That's why you made a post, and have thought about it.

 

3) Why are you thinking about it? Good for you that you got into shape. But maybe he thinks your new hair is ugly? (Changed colors)

 

OK... in my case, my ex started to loose weight before she even dropped anything on me. This is actually a point some of the local women have laughed about saying "I guess she's already off to find a new man". She also had her hair dyed, and she posted a picture on FB with her new look. Now, I think her hair looked nice, but she had some weird expression on her face like someone in the back seat of the car just farted. Everyone I know... including her friends that were staying neutral said that was an extremely bad picture of her. But all the people who were on "Her Team" was saying how beautiful she looked. When I asked other women about that, I was told... "Women are mean, and they will just laugh behind her back, but tell her she looks nice." (could be happening to you)

 

I know, that even though she has lost weight... in her case, that just made her butt saggy, and boobs droopier. (actually made her jowls sag too) Honestly... for her... to carry a little more weight (10 lbs) made her look better.

 

And finally... regardless of what she has done to herself... she has now become ugly because of what she has done to her kids, and family. (kind of funny how that happens)

 

Anyway... my 2 cents... take it for what it's worth.

Edited November 5, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[Versacehottie]

First congratulations. Second, i don't think you should expect that compliment from him. Lots of potential reasons: perhaps he's not over you, perhaps he's not the type to give compliments in general (maybe that played a part in the break up); not everyone communicates in the same way overall btw--some people connect through noticing things about each other, commenting etc and others are more in the moment, doers or about themselves frankly. Other reasons could be that he doesn't see it as his place to comment on transformations you have now that you are no longer together--also he might think it had something to do with getting rid of him that you are now in a "better" place so it's kind of weird to congratulate on that when being rid of him is potentially the reason. Lastly another reason is he might have wondered why you couldn't do all this when you were together and be slightly bitter about it. Perhaps he's even slightly jealous (i.e. the first one to a better life after a breakup is the winner mentality).

 

ps this is just yet another possibility but perhaps he thinks you looked better with the previous hair color. Definitely possible. Anyway, it's your life, your body. Take the compliments from those who give them and remember you did it due to your connection with yourself and what you want for yourself and rejoice in that. Stop worrying about him. Good luck.

[kendahke]

He's not checking for you anymore. That's the plain and simple answer.

 

Why isn't the fact that you did this for yourself, I presume, and not to fish compliments from this particular ex, enough?

 

He most likely doesn't want to go there because he doesn't want to create some false hope with you for him to keep following up, emotionally, with more and more attention when he's done with that aspect of your relationship.

[Whodatdog]

He probably doesnt like you that much anymore.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm curious why his validation is so important to you.

 

You claim to get loads of compliments from everyone who encounters you yet you can't seem to handle the fact that your last ex hasn't joined the cheering squad.

 

I'd spend more time self-reflecting on that.