Confoosedgal Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Hello all, Been a long time since I posted here! I'm 27. I work full time. I also attend college full time. I'm an incredibly ambitious and driven woman who looks for the same in people. I started dating a 36-year old with an 8-year old daughter. I got along with him and we had great chemistry on our first date. On the first date, he admitted he doesn't drive due to driving anxiety. He said that he Ubers, LYFTS, or his brother takes him places. My best friend has this too and I figured I liked him and could till give it a shot. He also PROMISED he would ALWAYS find his way to me and I would NEVER have to pick him up or go out of my way. He said that MULTIPLE TIMES. After the first date, I started questioning where he lives. Since he has a daughter and he's 36 I assumed he had his own place. He admitted he still lived at home with his parents. When I asked if I could come over, he said no because he and his daughter actually share his bedroom! And his parents would be bothered by it either way. He claimed he moved back in with them after his divorce and that he's just "saving money." However, he's been there for about 6 years now so I'm not too sure about that. He can't help the driving anxiety, if he's to be believed, but he CAN move out of his parents house. I still decided to give it a shot. After 2 weeks of dating, I noticed he started scheduling our dates by his house. he started suggesting our dates be at the park across the street from his house or he would purposely schedule dates in cities that were well passed HIS city. This would ensure that I would be able to pick him up and drop him off as his house would be on the way to the date. He thought he was being clever by doing this but I knew exactly what he was doing AND it was actually 45-60 minutes away from me! I only did it twice but after the 3rd time I told him it was too far & we needed something in between both of our cities. Initially, he promised to always UBER but that flew out the window so fast. Then, it was revealed he only works part time 25-32 hours. He only gets his daughter on weekends and he doesn't go to school. So, what the hell does he do with all of this time? How is he saving money? He attempted to use his daughter as the reason he cannot work full-tme or attend school, although he only gets her on weekends. He said he MUST be available to her 100%. After 5 weeks, over a phone call, I nicely and politely told him we just weren't compatible and we wanted different things out of life. He told me I was just too high maintenance and nobody would be able to meet the standards I have set. He claimed no other woman has had an issue with what he has and does not have except me. And that he's dated many women. And that if I continued dating him, I would see theres more to him and to life than "some dumb car and a house." Would YOU date this man? Do you believe I'm high maintenance or is this guy a loser and unable to see it? Only thing this guy has going for him are his looks and his charm as far as I can tell.
MsJayne Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Yeah, Loser Alert. No transport, lives with his parents, makes lame excuses, then makes out like you the one who's hard work because you won't fall in line with his pathetic lifestyle. Keep seeing this guy and one day you could be working three jobs while he sits around polishing his inadequacy. I'd normally say run away, but in this case I say drive away - and step on it. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Come on now: trust yourself! You laid your this devastating story ... with a half-dozen examples of him misleading you ... and not having his act together ... hiding not having his act together ... and then you fall for him calling YOU high maintenance. I think you ought to congratulate yourself for catching the red flags and getting out so soon. Nice job! ... I'm not going to say he's a loser, but he's not the kind of man who is a good fit for an ambitious, sharp woman. The sooner he owns up to that the better for him ... and the less time wasted by the woman. In other words, this guy had no business wanting to date you. You were clearly out of his league. He should have figured this out on date #1. Congratulate yourself ... OMG, you are so away from high maintenance. You are self-respecting. 3
ajequals Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 your on the right track. if he's not driven how is he going to succeed in life. his response to you is sour grapes. that driven man you seek is out there ,my son is one of them but he's taken in Tennessee. not married but she wants to be ...lol
Trail Blazer Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Clearly the guy you've portrayed in this thread is a loser with a captial L. Just ask yourself, if not for his looks, would you have pulled the pin earlier? Or not even gone there at all? You know the answer, we all know the answer. That guy is a waste of time.
carhill Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 I've been around high maintenance women. Everything is about them, the world revolves around the minutiae of their psyche. Drama central. In this case the guy couldn't muster a more creative retort so went with high maintenance. At least he didn't use the c word. Some people can't accept rejection gracefully. In any event, onward.
haikss3 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Guy sure talks the talk but don't walk the walk. So you said it right to him - you two are not compatible. The guy is in his comfort zone and happy while you want more in life for yourself. If he didn't had problems with other girls then he should date them not you. So yeah, don't expect him to change, but rather search for the guy who is your type.
Twizzlestick Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 I think it’s quite an irony you get a true taste if someone’s character when you part ways after dating a short time. Prob moreso than all the weeks of best behaviour. In this case childish resentful comments rather than “oh I’m really disappointed but ok...” etc etc.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 No, you're not being high-maintenance. Dude is overly-defensive because he knows he's slacking at life and it shows. I highly doubt every other woman he's dated has been fine with his situation. His knee-jerk reaction to being dumped was his ego talking. You did the right thing. There are too many red flags here which all suggest this man is doing nowhere near enough to get his life on the right track. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 He claims to have dated many women and yet claims that you are the only one with an issue? Well , where are the other many women that had no issue? Ask him how these women are that are fine with his situation? What an idiot to come out with that pathetic response??! You are looking after number one! That is you! And no , you are not high maintenance at all, rather he is. Good on you !
beentheredonethat77 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 I agree with Maggie, hes the high-maintenance one here. I'd give him a big skip.
schlumpy Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 I was surprised it took you so long to pull the plug but I am curious about one thing. When you started your post you gave a short bio that seemed to indicate that you are an ambitious and driven person and want that quality in a SO. The guy you picked was the exact opposite of what you described. How did that happen?
TheFinalWord Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 He's lying about the car. It got impounded or something. Do you know if he is employed at all? Yeah, there's more to life than house and cars, but it also speaks to his responsibility and maturity. He is also indirectly lying by trying to get you emotionally hooked, before you figure out he doesn't have his act together. Do you feel safe with a guy like that? I agree with the others, I'm unsure why you're even sticking around this long.
Kelliousme Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Divorced at 36 with an 8 year old daughter, lives with parents, works part-time only (mediocre job?), doesn't own a car, lies, gives false promises/a million excuses to why you can't go over... No lol. Just no. On top of that, given his claims after you "nicely" broke up with him, he's very immature and childish. Good thing you got rid of him
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Your picker is way off. You are 27, not 37, stay away from guys like this. 36, divorced with a kid, can't drive, would have been instant dealbreakers for me at 27... He had the looks he had the charm... but nothing to back it up. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 You are not high maintenance. Something is off about him. I'm not going to say he's a loser but he is certainly not ambitious or worth dating.
Gretchen12 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 You should know whether or not you're high maintenance. Anybody can say anything. Why should you care? I want to be picked up at my place some times. If a guy has anxiety he can pick me up in an uber. If that makes me high maintenance, then that's what I am.
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 I know parents will happily do anything for their kids, but for him at 36, "saving money" at the expense of his ageing parents for 6 whole years, does not show him in a good light. I guess his "anxiety" shows up in other ways too. He is working p/t maybe because he cannot hack full time. As a person on the "up", you do not want to end up being a surrogate parent and therapist to this guy. Keep walking, do not let him guilt trip you into giving him a second chance.
Blind-Sided Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 I'm not going to put a label on anyone because........ This is dating in the early stages. Regardless if he's a looser, or just in a bad spot in life... or you are high maintenance... the truth is, you have expectations that weren't being met with this person. Not every date has to turn into a relationship. DO NOT feel guilty by your actions, or his comments. Now, if you come here saying, "I dropped this looser because he only had a VW, and I expect my man to have a Porsche."... then yes... I will say you are high maintenance. LOL. 3
kendahke Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) He told me I was just too high maintenance and nobody would be able to meet the standards I have set. He claimed no other woman has had an issue with what he has and does not have except me. And that he's dated many women. Then where are they? He dates them, but can't keep them. I wonder why? And that if I continued dating him, I would see theres more to him and to life than "some dumb car and a house." Yeah, a bum sitting on his rump waiting to be saved like a damsel in a tower. Would YOU date this man? Do you believe I'm high maintenance or is this guy a loser and unable to see it? No. He's a loser/overwhelmed with life/coddled by his parents/depressed/not in any hurry to steer his life ship away from the rocks of old age. Any of those things means he has no business trying to get into relationships with anyone but a therapist/financial planner/life coach. Only thing this guy has going for him are his looks and his charm as far as I can tell. And that fades with time, along with health. Edited October 14, 2019 by kendahke 1
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 He's a man child...kind of like the character Chris Elliot plays on Everybody Loves Raymond or Get a Life. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 A dad who's too lazy to work full-time? Woah, that's bum-level loser. You have basic standards and he doesn't meet them. Losers will always find someone else to blame for their shortcomings.
mortensorchid Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Guy sounds like a loser. You can do better than him, just move on.
Author Confoosedgal Posted October 15, 2019 Author Posted October 15, 2019 I'm the OP here. I'm incredibly surprised by how many positive responses were on here. Usually, the responses are always against me! I dropped him already. I liked that he was a very sweet, handsome, charming guy. And, we had a ton of chemistry, sexual and otherwise which is why I continued to give it a shot and the benefit of the doubt. If he stuck to his word by Ubering out to me or to our dates, I probably would have continued dating him. But that on top of many other red flags immediately pushed me away. The reason I doubted myself, is because I had another boyfriend who said the same thing to me and my mother told me I was too picky. So, it sort of hit a nerve with me. But, yeah he is still trying to convince me to give him a shot through text messages and claiming that I'm the only woman in the world who's had an issue with his current stage in life. So, I'm like okay you can go ahead and date those women then. 2
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