Hannahhawks87 Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 I have know this guy for about 2 years now. We have been on dates and started seeing eachother but we stopped for a while. We have been in constant contact with eachother for the past 2 years apart from when he told he was going to work in America (I'm in the UK) for 8 months.we didn't talk for about a month then we started speaking again. When we did meet up we used to have sex and talk about life. We became so close! Anyway, he has know gone away to America for 8 months and I have really started to miss him. I basically said to him do you see us being anything more than casual and his reply was I don't know as I will probably be coming back to America for a few more years. I said that wasn't really an answer and he told me he wasn't sure what he wanted. Before he went away, he told me he didn't want to hurt me. I have been silly and told him I have been on a couple of dates with a couple of guys and told him I slept with one. He seemed generally upset when I told him that and started saying I can do better. What is your verdict on the messy situation I've got myself into?
preraph Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 He isn't interested enough to make any commitment at all to you, and he's leaving the country. You certainly should be dating other guys. As far as his reaction, a lot of guys want to believe no one can replace them, and some guys are judgy if they see you're sleeping with dates. But he's out of the picture now, really. He will not be hanging on to this relationship, so you must not either. You go date other guys and do whatever you want to do and don't cling to this relationship. It's a dead-end road. He's trying to not hurt your feelings, but YOU do not figure into his decisions, and that's clear. I'm sorry it's turning out this way for you. Date other guys. 2
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 He is being subtle but "I don't want to hurt you," "I'm not sure," and "I don't know what I want," means he's not interested in pursuing anything with you....he was there for a good time, but not a long time. Even if you mentioned dating other guys, that made no difference. He treated this as casual because that is all he expected and wanted from this arrangement. He wants you to move on. 1
basil67 Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 You're a FWB to him. That said, I'm not sure why you told him that you slept with someone else. Why create drama when you could have ended it neatly? 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Yes, he's speaking in code for "I'm not interested in dating you seriously." Anytime someone worries about not wanting to hurt you ... basically that means they don't want to date you. I remember the first time a woman told me that ... it took me a little while to figure out. When someone likes us, spending time with us is utter pleasure ... they want more of us ... The last thing they are thinking about is how to avoid "hurting" us. And based on the messiness of the situation ... and the time you two have spent away from each other ... it doesn't sound like you guys were ever very steady in the first place. 1
alphamale Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 American girls love guys from the UK. They especially like their accents. You shouldn't leave the light on for this guy cause he'll be having plenty of "fun" in the good ol' USA 1
snowboy91 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 This is a lot less messy than you think. He cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you, but at the same time there isn't enough on his end to want to stay and commit to you. His career prospects in the USA are probably also a big deciding factor, I doubt it's about another girl. The easiest way out of this is for you both to let go. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 He doesn't see himself getting serious with you, but doesn't know how to be direct and tell you that. I would extricate yourself from this now before you get hurt any further.
kendahke Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) I have know this guy for about 2 years now. We have been on dates and started seeing eachother but we stopped for a while. We have been in constant contact with eachother for the past 2 years we didn't talk for about a month then we started speaking again. When we did meet up we used to have sex and talk about life. I have really started to miss him. I basically said to him do you see us being anything more than casual and his reply was I don't know as I will probably be coming back to America for a few more years. He told me he wasn't sure what he wanted. Before he went away, he told me he didn't want to hurt me. I have been silly and told him I have been on a couple of dates with a couple of guys and told him I slept with one. He seemed generally upset when I told him that and started saying I can do better. What is your verdict on the messy situation I've got myself into? Your involvement is over. At least for as long as he's in the states. You and he were FWB's--but even so, it wasn't his business who you were having sex with. You shot yourself in the foot with that. The logistical distance now is cooling off his feelings for you because it's a 7 hour plane ride over an ocean back to the UK. I'd let him go enjoy his life in the states while you get on with your life in the UK. Edited October 14, 2019 by kendahke
chillii Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Either way l dunno why he'd be worried about hurting you now you slept with someone else so l dunno why he's not just calling it. But whatever the case he's just not interested enough.
mortensorchid Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 He's not interested enough in you (or chooses not to be) to give you something firmer than a FWB situation so keep your options open. Chances are you'll reach a point where you'll never hear from him again.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 15, 2019 Posted October 15, 2019 I have know this guy for about 2 years now. We have been on dates and started seeing eachother but we stopped for a while. We have been in constant contact with eachother for the past 2 years apart from when he told he was going to work in America (I'm in the UK) for 8 months.we didn't talk for about a month then we started speaking again. When we did meet up we used to have sex and talk about life. We became so close! Anyway, he has know gone away to America for 8 months and I have really started to miss him. I basically said to him do you see us being anything more than casual and his reply was I don't know as I will probably be coming back to America for a few more years. I said that wasn't really an answer and he told me he wasn't sure what he wanted. Before he went away, he told me he didn't want to hurt me. I have been silly and told him I have been on a couple of dates with a couple of guys and told him I slept with one. He seemed generally upset when I told him that and started saying I can do better. What is your verdict on the messy situation I've got myself into? He wants his cake and to eat it too! When someone says they "don't know", they actually know exactly what they don't want, you. If he really thought you deserved better, he sure as heck wouldn't be having just casual sex with you. He is jealous you are seeing other guys and not throwing yourself at him. I'd leave too much of an emotional rollercoaster.
mortensorchid Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 I think you shouldn't have told him about sleeping with the other man or that you have been on other dates. There's no point to that because it will only hurt the other party and you'll feel guilty about it over time. I also have experiences in this area, unfortunately ... Years ago I was in an LDR with someone. We had been together for about a year and a half, we were doing things the right way (seeing each other every few weeks, phone calls, etc.) and one day this man came along and I slept with him. He didn't know, nor did he need to. It was a ships that pass in the night kind of thing, but I was not going to tell him about it because he never would have known (his head was so far up his ass anyway). A few weeks/months later he and I (the guy I was in the LDR with) broke up because he didn't want to make the commitment. But, that's life.
Maddie82 Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 I agree with the majority that he isn't interested in committing to anything with you. I don't think he felt hurt by you telling him you slept with someone, i think he just felt annoyed/disappointed that you took the immature approach. He didn't want to leave for america with you in a hissy fit and mad at him for no reason. It doesn't matter anymore though. He's gone now so it's best you just let it go and put it behind you. Move on with your life. 1
Twizzlestick Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 “American girls love guys from the U.K.” mm. Thanks for tip off
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