stillafool Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Just wanted to thank you guys for the advice and give you an update. When I started to pull back he asked me in a very rude way if I am on my period. I told him that behavior is unacceptable and he apologized. However, the fact that he is going through these crazy fights with his mother and talks about cutting her off, but then grabbing dinner with her and spending time with her shows me how unstable he is in his emotions and actions. I am pretty sure that he is a borderline personality after doing some research. Does any of you guys have experience with dating someone who has a borderline disorder ? Why are you still dealing with this guy? No one here can diagnose him. I've always avoided people like that if I suspect it.
Author MindYourBusiness Posted October 24, 2019 Author Posted October 24, 2019 But what if I am wrong and I am making a mistake?
Legatus Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 You'll be fine, plenty of fish in the sea. Think what if you're right and what can happen to you and your mental health. Is risking your own well-being worth it? 1
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 There is no mistake that you should call it quits.
Author MindYourBusiness Posted October 24, 2019 Author Posted October 24, 2019 Sorry what do you mean?
stillafool Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 She means it wouldn't be a mistake to call it quits. I can't believe you are still dealing with this guy. I think it would do you good to pick better guys to get involved with.
Author MindYourBusiness Posted October 24, 2019 Author Posted October 24, 2019 I agree. I feel the same but I also feel guilty or like I might be making a mistake by dumping him.
kendahke Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 But what if I am wrong and I am making a mistake? If the person you're with treat in any way but well and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you cease being a victim and become a volunteer. You're not making a mistake. Don't let the promise of his mama buying him a house fool you into believing he wants you to occupy that house with him. He's already exhibiting contemptuous behavior towards you. A house ain't gonna fix that.
kendahke Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 I agree. I feel the same but I also feel guilty or like I might be making a mistake by dumping him. Then don't dump him. But understand: he's not going to change. You staying with him tells him that he doesn't have to change because you're not going to go anywhere. That leaves him with no concrete consequences to his actions and the belief that while you may complain, he doesn't have to fear your reaction.
Author MindYourBusiness Posted October 25, 2019 Author Posted October 25, 2019 I just broke things off and I feel absolutely horrible and devastated.
Author MindYourBusiness Posted October 28, 2019 Author Posted October 28, 2019 Hi guys, after I broke things off there was silence for 2 days. Yesterday I received a threatening message from him and he basically told me that I am so evil and that he opened up to me and I used all the information he shared against him. I got frightened and also worried about his suicide thoughts again so I decided to reach out to his ex. They were together for 4 years so I thought she has a very clear idea on if hes really suicidal or not. It turns out that he has been married to a third person involved to keep his green card ( not even sure if that is legal), he hasnt worked in 5 years!!!! So whenever he told me he was at work he must have been somewhere else, he hit his ex. He beat up a girl back in Europe and almost got put in jail. His mum literally finances everything and he would be homeless without her. His suicide talks are BS and he does it for attention. I am just so shocked about all this new information and really scared that he could get physical with me as well. Should I file a restraining order? His ex said he is unpredicatable and a sociopath.
kendahke Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 Yesterday I received a threatening message from him and he basically told me that I am so evil and that he opened up to me and I used all the information he shared against him. I got frightened and also worried about his suicide thoughts again so I decided to reach out to his ex. They were together for 4 years so I thought she has a very clear idea on if hes really suicidal or not. It turns out that he has been married to a third person involved to keep his green card ( not even sure if that is legal), he hasnt worked in 5 years!!!! So whenever he told me he was at work he must have been somewhere else, he hit his ex. He beat up a girl back in Europe and almost got put in jail. His mum literally finances everything and he would be homeless without her. His suicide talks are BS and he does it for attention. I am just so shocked about all this new information and really scared that he could get physical with me as well. Should I file a restraining order? His ex said he is unpredicatable and a sociopath. At the very least, you need to talk to a law enforcement officer, show them the messages and find out if what he's said/done meets the legal requirements to go forward. Find out and soon. If he is in fact a sociopath, you need to take that seriously. What did he threaten you with? I'm glad you spoke with his ex. He just sounds dangerous all around and his mother is his apologist. 1
Author MindYourBusiness Posted October 29, 2019 Author Posted October 29, 2019 (edited) thanks for your response. He told me I am evil for breaking up with him and he said "go die". There was not a direct threat, which is a problem when it comes to filing this restraining order. The message in its totality is just threatening and even more so when you are aware of his background with beating women up. His ex also said that they had to replace the bedroom door a few times because he would put his head through it. Theres also holes in the walls all over his apartment. His ex is still very close to his mum and spoke to her yesterday. She is absolutely helpless on how to handle the situation. I told his ex to tell his mum I already filed a restraining order. Hopefully that will scare him away, espechially since he is in the US on a greencard. He can run into issues if he gets arrested. I feel very helpless and frightened. He still has the access code for my building and my landlord wont change it. Thankfully I have a dog that his going through a tough stage and barks at every tiny noise and is constantly on alert. The scariest thing to me is that his message shows me that he genuinly thinks I did somethign wrong and he is the victim here. It is so messed up. Edited October 29, 2019 by Lenila1992
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