Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Been talking to this guy casually. I'm not in a hurry, I'm just talking to him getting to know him. He is a staunch conservative, however. Loves Trump. I do not love Trump at all. I lean more left in my political affiliations, but like a lot of people, I'm probably more of someone who lies squarely in the middle and will really think long and hard before I put my vote to any one particular party. Has anyone dated anyone before who is different politically to them? Does it come up as an issue? And for those who have dated someone different to them politically, what has been the outcome? Thanks Dx
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 It depends on the people. My parents were of different parties & so are my husband & I. I have friends on both extremes who I enjoy debating with. However some zealots can't see reason. They think they are right & everybody else is an idiot. If one of you is in that camp, finding common ground & agreeing to disagree with be tougher.
Mrin Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 cAbsolutely and nope! I've been in relationships where the woman had different political opinions. Sometimes, it is pretty enjoyable as it makes for fun and lively debates. Particularly for me as I enjoy politics and don't see it as some sort of blood sport. All that being said, I am not sure I could date a woman who was a Trump fan. Voted for Trump in 2016? Sure. Voting for Trump in 2020 - maybe. But an actual fan of Trump? No way in Hell. But that's more of a character and intelligence thing rather than politics as Trump really doesn't have any core political beliefs unless you count national populism as a political belief. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted October 13, 2019 Author Posted October 13, 2019 Trump is nowhere near our geographical location. I suppose trump politics has infiltrated most parts of the world. I guess it's what he represents and who he is. I've always thought he was mindless and abnormal. More so than that of his political opinions. In New Zealand (where we are both from) I voted for Jacinda Ardern. She isn't perfect, but she's human and humane in my opinion and does the best job she can. I just generally like her. And she is a leftie. So, for someone who is of a Trump supporter ( even though the white house is millions of miles away) is unusual and odd to me. But, maybe we would have more in common in other areas.
preraph Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Here's what to me makes the difference. If a person is going to claim to have strong political affiliations, they should be watching a couple of news programs and not only the ones that are left or right leaning and read reliable newspapers (rare anymore) but like Washington Post, Wall Street Journal and some local papers (not NY Times) and really keep completely up on what's going on. If both people are educating themselves and not just following the bandwagon they think they agree with, then they ought to be able to have some civilized informed conversations on the subjects, and not just I love/hate Trump, but all the issues. But if both people are just basically taking a blind stand, which they say is true for about 70% of people and aren't even really educating themselves on the issues, then it's going to be like two five year olds disagreeing: Am too. Am not. If one person is educated and really keeps up with the issues and isn't just looking for confirmation bias, but the other is just buying into false narrative and rhetoric and getting themself worked up, the informed one isn't going to have (and shouldn't) any respect for the propagandized one. If you happen to be moderate on the issues he cares most about, it might be okay. If you are on the opposite side of, for example, social issues from him, that is an indication you're not going to make it longterm. If one of you looks at the economic impact of issues while the other looks at everything altruistically, then that's probably not a good match either. If he is real important to you, I'd decide if he's more educated on the issues or if you are. If it's you, I'd start getting informed on the issues and not just from your one biased news source because there's a lot of bias in the news, more often than not. And then I'd see if my views changed any. But if it's him who's not informed, then it's up to him. 1
schlumpy Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 The younger you are the more likely it won't work. Young people have nothing to compare ideas to except history and who bothers with that anymore. So they become very intense in their beliefs not realizing that there are no new ideas, just recycled ones. 1
preraph Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 ^ Yeah, they just get themselves emotionally worked up and may judge a politician only on the one issue they are sensitive about. And all young people think everything ought to be free, apparently, and really don't understand that there are limited funds to run the whole shebang with and that "free" stuff isn't free. It just makes your taxes go up, leaving you with even less money. Things have to be fixed from the inside, eliminating waste, regulating certain things, while sustaining competition, and all that was certainly over my own head when I was young.
preraph Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Maybe you need to do what I did with my longtime plumber, who was very disappointed to find out I was a Hillary delegate one year some years ago. I chose one subject I knew we agreed on, immigration, and just told him I was moderate, but that I bet I agreed with him on a lot of things. I didn't get into gay rights or anything because I didn't know where he'd stand on that. Now my plumber would be very happy to know that I will not be voting for any of the current Democrats running for president. Of course, when you spend a lot of time with someone, those things will eventually come to light. Try to remember that while people have all kinds of ravings going on in their heads, if you just look at what people do on a daily basis, the life they live, we're all 95% the same except for criminals. We get up, go to work, come home and take care of kids and pets, watch some TV, do a load of laundry and go to bed, maybe do something special on the weekend. Most all of us could be counted upon to help a neighbor in need, and you could trust most of us with your life if it came to that. We're more alike than not. And what we think about changes with time and experience and knowledge. By the way, Trump is a Centrist. He's trying to make all sides happy. He may just not be on the same side on your particular pet issue. He did an executive order a couple weeks ago to bring drug prices down, the third thing he's done toward that end while in office, something everyone wants. No telling what he would do on that if the House wasn't determined not to give him any votes on anything, even stuff they say they want.
OatsAndHall Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 It's all relative to how involve the other person is with politics. I dislike Trump but I'm very much middle of the road when it comes to policies. I went out on several dates with a woman who is a diehard Trump supporter, was opinionated about it and I stopped seeing her. The dates weren't fun, she stopped striking me as rational and she made a couple of statements that were absolutely racist. On the flip side of the coin, the woman I am seeing now supported Clinton (whom I also dislike) but she's not openly opinionated about it. We've had a few interesting conversations about politics but neither of us has been overly intense. She has some view that I disagree with but she's objective about them and isn't throwing them in my face.
schlumpy Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 It just makes your taxes go up, leaving you with even less money. And when you have less money - you have less freedom. Your ability to pursue you own dreams is diminished and the choices you get make in life are limited. 2
Woggle Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 It depends how much each party can respectfully disagree. My brother and sister in law voted differently and they have an utterly miserable relationship but that is because he is the human version of nails on a chalkboard. 1
carhill Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 I dated a communist once, in Russia. She was hot and a doctor, what can I say.... Overall, if political ideology, or religious ideology, rules one's interactions, it's healthier if the partners share more common ground than not, especially if both are similarly passionate about their beliefs. If that stuff isn't front and center, rather background rarely thought about or acted upon, then greater differences could be compatible. I sometimes use the Carville/Matalin example but those folks are/have been professionals in the political arena and are very adept at separating business from pleasure which has helped their marriage work for as long as it has, over 25 years. Lastly, style. If the differences are philosophical and interactions regarding them are friendly debates and not emotional arguments trending to the personal, then more differences can exist. I'd suggest that's a good rule in general, about politics, religion, children, mother in laws... 2
amaysngrace Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 It’s like Kelly Ann and what’s his name. Who’d want to be like them?
preraph Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 ^ I don't think they are probably getting along very well after he was so indiscreet. He should at least respect what she does.
ajequals Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Daisy I don't know if you have been paying attention but everything you have heard in the news the past three years actually turned out to ..wait for it. not be true.. even the mueller report after spending years couldn't find anything the president. did wrong. I dare to say this is the MOST squeaky clean president we have ever had.. if there was something they would have found it by now. so that new boyfriend. he's actually more than politically correct. he backs someone that was actually a old school democrat his whole life then added a R to his name because they wouldn't allow him to have a D and he won...only in America that can happen. He sounds like a keeper to me 1
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 so that new boyfriend. he's actually more than politically correct. He sounds like a keeper to me It’s only an issue if you make it an issue. That said, he would not be a keeper for me. And that is all I will say...
Trail Blazer Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 It depends on how strong the affiliation is and how that affiliation impacts the lives of the two people. If you have two people of opposing viewpoints, who can "live and let live" and focus on other, more compatible aspects of each other, then yeah, it might work. If you have a heavily left-leaning female, who's got strong ties to modern feminism, with a heavily right-leaning male, who is all about the preservation of conservative (Christian) values... then no, I really don't see how it can work. Let's not forget how intrinsically linked Christianity is to the Republicans party. Only 15 percent of atheists are right leaning Republicans, whilst a whopping 70 percent are left leaning Democrats. So, it's quite possible that you add a layer of complexity to the equation when you also factor in one's level of religiosity and acknowledge that it plays a huge part in how someone may vote. 1
Robert Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) *** Note From Moderation *** Just as an FYI, this thread is NOT about Trump, thanks Edited April 5, 2020 by Robert
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted October 14, 2019 Author Posted October 14, 2019 I am not American. Neither is this guy I'm talking to. He is not a boyfriend. We are simply getting to know each other. The trump thing was more of an example. It was more of a question if two people differ on politics, does it impact a relationship. I'm a Christian too. But not a typical Christian that is a conservative fundamentalist even though many appear to be. The question was more can two people of differing opinions about politics sustain and maintain a healthy relationship. That was all
Trail Blazer Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 The question was more can two people of differing opinions about politics sustain and maintain a healthy relationship. That was all Sure, if you guys keep politics out of your lives and focus on other things, why not? I don't know what country you're from and how divided your communities can get based on politics, but I don't see why you can't. Most differences can be overcome if two people are committed to working together to make something work. 1
snowboy91 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 I can't see it being likely that it would work, but that depends on how strongly each person's affiliations are. Differing political beliefs can spill over into other personal values which could be incompatible. You would have to enjoy debating and respect each other's views... or one person may feel their views are being repressed if the other is somewhat more dominant. If you can find some way to reconcile your viewpoints (easier if neither side feels too strongly one way or another politically), then sure it could work out long term.
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 I agree with Trail Blazer. If you’re determined to make it work and neither of you eat, sleep or breathe politics you’ll learn to navigate around it if the relationship means that much to you both. But if it’s their identity, like that’s all they’re about, then don’t waste your time. That’s an extremist so probably not the most healthy person to be with if you’re looking for calm. Those people I can handle on occasion but there would be no way I’d want them in my daily life.
Els Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 It really depends on the parties involved IMO. Some countries have main parties that aren't too far apart in terms of ideology, and in that case it wouldn't matter too much. Trump, on the other hand, is an EXTREMELY polarizing figure, and I wouldn't count on a Trump supporter being able to maintain a happy LTR with a non-Trump supporter. It's like Kim Jong Un or durian... not many people are "neutral" when it comes to them. In New Zealand (where we are both from) I voted for Jacinda Ardern. She isn't perfect, but she's human and humane in my opinion and does the best job she can. I just generally like her. And she is a leftie. If he were a National supporter, would that be better or worse for you? Just curious. Personally I could go either way with NZ politics, I don't find Labour or National to be hugely different. I actually find Winston Peters (the NZ First xenophobe) to be NZ's closest Trump relative.
major_merrick Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 I prefer to be in sync with the people I have relationships with. I'm not likely to even be close friends with my opposites. To me, politics is a reflection of lifestyle and values. For example, people who share my values of intense liberty and a rural lifestyle are likely to support Trump, or be libertarians. I don't see that many rural, pro-gun, liberty-oriented, religious Hillary voters. Doesn't mean they don't exist in some corner somewhere, but it isn't likely. And for the record, I was in a relationship with a communist and I lived in a militant commune for a while. Power to the proletariat, Das Kapital, membership in the American Red Front, and all of that stuff. People go through phases of life, and just because you are compatible at 20 doesn't mean you'll be compatible at 30 if your life experiences don't match.
Gaeta Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 Depends if you are both politicized and If you are both at the opposite end of the spectrum. I am French-Canadian and would not be able to maintain a relationship with a separatist. I can't even stand FB posts about the separation of my Province so imagine how I wouldn't be able to stand the political arguments of a separatist boyfriend.
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