cre8r Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 I went for the hug after the first date but was refused. She said instead, in her country a little kiss on the cheek by the ear is acceptable. I said go for it, as she went to kiss my cheek I quickly turned so we'd meet lips to lips. She quickly moved to avoid any lip contact. After we parted, she texted me that she got home safely, I did the same, she texted back, then another text asking how she could remove herself from the dating site we met on (she also initiated contact on the site), a few more texts before goodnight. At 6 this morning she texts me "good morning, how'd you like your date last night". I said I liked it, she said she liked it, a few more texts throughout the day with the last one that said she's telling her visiting girlfriends about the date and how comfortable she felt. Any thoughts on deciphering these mixed signals? Refusing a hug signals to me no romantic interest however she could be a reserved type. Does this look like a "friend-zone" situation?
chillii Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 (edited) l don't know how the hell you call that mixed singles she's basically told and shown you everything in big block letters and then some. She wanted to know how to leave the date site because she wants to focus on you . She told you her culture is a kiss in that way but you race round trying to do the opposite. l'd say her culture also does things one at a time not every country messes about with 10 people at once, some actually take this stuff seriously and with respect, that's why she needs to get of the date site while she's seeing you. At least going on the way you've described things anyway, which is all we have to go on. Edited October 4, 2019 by chillii 1
Foxhall Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 Agree with Chilli there, this girl is interested but she wants to go at a slower pace than you do, patience is a virtue:) 2
preraph Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 I bet she intends to be a virgin until marriage, and probably a man her family approve.
mark clemson Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 I would note that, since she needs to explain cultural differences to you, this is a great opportunity to actually get direct feedback from a woman you're dating. This can be a great advantage in that you're unlikely to misinterpret what she says (unless you misinterpret plain talk) and so can know with assurance what to do next. In this case, next time she tells you what kind of kiss is ok etc. suggest you listen to her. 1
basil67 Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 in her country a little kiss on the cheek by the ear is acceptable. I said go for it, as she went to kiss my cheek I quickly turned so we'd meet lips to lips. She quickly moved to avoid any lip contact. Eeep - I can't believe you did that. I know it wasn't sex, but still a breach of consent. She's given you another chance, but do it again and you might lose her. 9
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Eeep - I can't believe you did that. I know it wasn't sex, but still a breach of consent. She's given you another chance, but do it again and you might lose her. Yeah, I'm surprised she's still interested at all after this. It seems really disrespectful to her. 6
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 she went to kiss my cheek I quickly turned so we'd meet lips to lips. Only a 15 year old would think it's funny. Then again I am sure majority of 15 year old understand what 'consent' is. She explained to you it's no hug in her culture, no pressing her boobs against you, I think she was clear enough. She is interested in seeing you again, make your invitation for your next date and please, please, pleaaaaaase, respect her wish. 4
Lotsgoingon Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Wow, a kiss on the cheek sound really nice ... dang dude ... instead of appreciating that ... you went into some default mode and "went for a kiss" on the lips. Dude, stay with the energy of the date ... You ignored the energy and signals right before you and pulled out a generic formula was completely inapplicable to this situation, this woman. Most likely other guys have acted as you have ... and she's developed patience, and she says she's still interested. That's good. Dude, a cheek kiss can be really nice, especially coming from a modest person. A cheek kiss in my view is way better than a hug, unless it's one of those really long-lasting and tight hugs, sensual hugs. 1
fromheart Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 (edited) No kiss, no second date. Low interest on her part, I can guarantee she'd be kissing Brad Pitt. Don't go for the lips when presented with the cheek, its intrusive. Edited October 5, 2019 by fromheart
Author cre8r Posted October 5, 2019 Author Posted October 5, 2019 No kiss, no second date. Low interest on her part, I can guarantee she'd be kissing Brad Pitt. Don't go for the lips when presented with the cheek, its intrusive. I tend to agree with this. I don't know about Brad Pitt but I sense there's low interest as the content of her texts is leading me to believe. it. So whatever her motive is, it's wasted my time and I keep getting texts, nothing indicating a romantic interest.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 I tend to agree with this. I don't know about Brad Pitt but I sense there's low interest as the content of her texts is leading me to believe. it. So whatever her motive is, it's wasted my time and I keep getting texts, nothing indicating a romantic interest. Perhaps the fact that you disrespected the physical boundary she set turned her off. 2
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 * After we parted, she texted me that she got home safely, * she texted back, then another text asking how she could remove herself from the dating site * a few more texts before goodnight. * At 6 this morning she texts me "good morning, how'd you like your date last night". *a few more texts throughout the day ... telling ...how comfortable she felt. You call that low interest? any other woman would have gone home and wait for YOU to initiate a communication. I think you're too aimed on sex, it's the only thing you have in mind, and the only thing you can see is the work you'll have to do to get there. 3
Author cre8r Posted October 5, 2019 Author Posted October 5, 2019 Perhaps the fact that you disrespected the physical boundary she set turned her off. I continue to get texts after the date just the same as I got before the date, so give your theory a rest. Merely turning your head for a kiss isn't exactly a sexual assault, she laughed about it and continued to text after the date and continues to text today.
preraph Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 No kiss, no second date. Low interest on her part, I can guarantee she'd be kissing Brad Pitt. Don't go for the lips when presented with the cheek, its intrusive. More like one of the Jonas Brothers.
Author cre8r Posted October 5, 2019 Author Posted October 5, 2019 You call that low interest? any other woman would have gone home and wait for YOU to initiate a communication. I think you're too aimed on sex, it's the only thing you have in mind, and the only thing you can see is the work you'll have to do to get there. I appreciate your help but I don't know why you'd think a simple hug is me being focused on sex. In my world everyone hugs, it's really no big deal. It has absolutely nothing to do with sex. As these texts progress, it appears there's no romantic interest, there's an ulterior motive
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 If you're not aimed at sex then why turn your head to have a kiss on the lips, why not respect her wish for a kiss on the cheek. She's reserved, can't you see that? She appears friendly because she's from a different culture as yours and she's doing 'dating' in a more conservative way. You need to think outside the box here. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 I continue to get texts after the date just the same as I got before the date, so give your theory a rest. Merely turning your head for a kiss isn't exactly a sexual assault, she laughed about it and continued to text after the date and continues to text today. Never said sexual assault. I said disrespect. Also, women tend to laugh when they are completely taken off guard and don't know what to do. 3
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 In my world everyone hugs, it's really no big deal. But she is not from your world. She told you she's from a different culture and in her culture IT IS a deal, it doesn't seem to register in you. Maybe you're not cut out to date someone from a different culture. 2
chillii Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Yep , bout it man, she told you point blank, you respect that, embrace it even, there's a lot more out there than just your world. 1
Author cre8r Posted October 5, 2019 Author Posted October 5, 2019 Yep , bout it man, she told you point blank, you respect that, embrace it even, there's a lot more out there than just your world. See, Hispanic cultures do a lot of hugging, one reason for the skepticism. Let me know what cultures you know of that aren't of that world.
Maggiemay1 Posted October 6, 2019 Posted October 6, 2019 If it’s in her culture to kiss on the cheek and it’s in his culture to hug. Which culture should be honoured? She demanded he respect hers despite her not embracing (pardon the pun) his. It’s not like she is from a strict Muslim culture. Because that would definitely be no kissing on the cheek. It was not cool to make the lip kiss move , however she does seem a bit up herself imo.
Twizzlestick Posted October 6, 2019 Posted October 6, 2019 As these texts progress, it appears there's no romantic interest, there's an ulterior motive Can you expand on that? 1
Author cre8r Posted October 12, 2019 Author Posted October 12, 2019 I'm not very good at female psychology...this girl initiated contact with me online, I arranged our date, seemed to go well but she refused to hug after the date. Ever since the date, every day, (it's been 9 days), I'll get a good morning and goodnight text, with occasional texts in between. The texts aren't flirty, they'e like good morning, have a great day, sweet dreams, just basic niceties. Also, if this has something to do with it, she's been divorced for a number of years, from another country and has been in the U.S. for about 12 years. Also I was the only one from the dating site she pursued and I don't think she has dated in a long time. I arranged another date for next week but I'm assuming any touching is off limits. How would one proceed, what could her mindset be?
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2019 Posted October 12, 2019 You are a stranger, she wants to take her time getting to know you. This is where you build trust. Just follow her pace. Some people are more brave expressing their interest through text, but in person it’s a different story. As long as she agrees to dates, you are good. Maybe after your next date sh will be more comfortable with a hug. If you want some physical contact with her go for a walk and give her your arm to hold onto. Baby steps.
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