Author Malin889 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Posted October 22, 2019 I think let him make the next move. You can't want a relationship with this guy more than you want a good guy/the right guy for you. You will get in danger of doing "too much or trying too hard" if you make the next move IMO. Whether you end up in a relationship or the guy is not having it, you would be setting the pattern and dynamic between you and doing all the heavy lifting and work of the progression of the relationship. It seems like he already has a tendency to be a lazy dater--be careful or you will end up with a lazy boyfriend. Guys have to make the leap or effort on their own and their own timetable IMO to be a good partner; otherwise you will just be doing most if not all of the work and constantly be frustrated, more than now. Don't jump to the END, i.e. that you want him. Take it on a interaction by interaction basis to see if he measures up and how he makes you feel. Right now it's to be determined because he has some positives but also a lot of negatives or unknowns. Good luck Yes I agree! It’s all about showing your standards up front and setting the tone at the beginning. I too feel I’ve done enough and won’t be doing anymore. He said some nice things to me via text before he went away but he has yet to take action. Also I asked him the last time we were together if he knew how to date as an adult (because he got married so young) and he said he doesn’t think he does! I hope things will change when he gets a new car but I’m not putting all my eggs in his basket. There is something called an Uber, lol. 2
Flame Aura Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 So what happened after his weekend away? Has he contacted you to arrange a day to meet up and go on a date? 1
Author Malin889 Posted October 25, 2019 Author Posted October 25, 2019 So what happened after his weekend away? Has he contacted you to arrange a day to meet up and go on a date? Yes he got in touch with me on Wednesday and we made plans for last night. He got a rental car until he’s able to buy the new car, and we went out last night. We talked about how we didn’t talk for awhile and we were both joking around how the other person didn’t call. Then told me I was hard to read so he wasn’t sure if I liked him or not. The only thing I’m concerned about is, we made out again, and i know he wanted to go further, but I didn’t let it happen and said we need to stop. I just don’t want to move too fast. We may see each other this evening as we’ll both be without our kids for a couple hours, but I just don’t want to go too far too soon. I sound like a prude, I know. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Drop the prude worry ... you're acting like the default "normal" is to have sex with someone. Actually, that's not necessarily the smart and "normal" thing to do. You want to have sex when you are really comfortable with having sex with this other person. I wouldn't trust this guy yet ... You have all the reason to distrust him. Figure out what you want first. You say you want to be romanced. You have sex tonight and I guarantee you will NEVER be romanced and courted another night. Not because of "sex" itself, but because sex outside of a stable, clear relationship with this guy, who has already shown that he can disappear, will only destabilize things. He's already flaky and inconsistent ... Sex just makes flaky people more so. I assume you want to have sex with someone you trust. You can't possibly trust this guy. Not prudish at all. Us folks over 40 call this "smart." 1
divegrl Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Hi! That’s great! I am glad you had fun on your date! Did you tell him that you like him to eliminate his confusion? I would definitely have these next couple of dates out in public places. Nothing wrong with kissing him, but I agree with the above poster that sex would not be good now. I would avoid going back to his place just to remove all that temptation. Have fun on your date tonight!!!
SumGuy Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Drop the prude worry ... you're acting like the default "normal" is to have sex with someone. Actually, that's not necessarily the smart and "normal" thing to do. You want to have sex when you are really comfortable with having sex with this other person. From a guy who likes to have sex, follow this. In fact I'd add if you feel ready on a date, then wait until the next date to have sex...it will still be there if it is real. I certainly hope the romance doesn't end after sex, for me it has just begun. 1
rightondude Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 sounds like its going well enough to me. He obviously wants you. I don't think you're doing the wrong thing by taking it slow-ish. Just realize you're getting closer to "do it" time and make sure you're OK with that....
Author Malin889 Posted October 26, 2019 Author Posted October 26, 2019 Drop the prude worry ... you're acting like the default "normal" is to have sex with someone. Actually, that's not necessarily the smart and "normal" thing to do. You want to have sex when you are really comfortable with having sex with this other person. I wouldn't trust this guy yet ... You have all the reason to distrust him. Figure out what you want first. You say you want to be romanced. You have sex tonight and I guarantee you will NEVER be romanced and courted another night. Not because of "sex" itself, but because sex outside of a stable, clear relationship with this guy, who has already shown that he can disappear, will only destabilize things. He's already flaky and inconsistent ... Sex just makes flaky people more so. I assume you want to have sex with someone you trust. You can't possibly trust this guy. Not prudish at all. Us folks over 40 call this "smart." Yes you hit the nail on the head. I too just entered my 40s not too long ago, and because this is the first person I dated in a long time, I’ve been very cautious. I don’t feel comfortable having sex with him now, and I know I won’t in the next few dates. I know him through friends, so I know he’s legit and a nice guy (well I hope anyway) but I still don’t want to go any further until I’m ready. I want it to be with someone I’m in a relationship with and someone special. I have a feeling he’s used to going faster than I am. I’ll have to tell him to slow things down or pull a halt on them or something. I just want to feel safe enough to be intimate with someone again.
Author Malin889 Posted October 26, 2019 Author Posted October 26, 2019 From a guy who likes to have sex, follow this. In fact I'd add if you feel ready on a date, then wait until the next date to have sex...it will still be there if it is real. I certainly hope the romance doesn't end after sex, for me it has just begun. Thank you for the advice!
Author Malin889 Posted October 26, 2019 Author Posted October 26, 2019 sounds like its going well enough to me. He obviously wants you. I don't think you're doing the wrong thing by taking it slow-ish. Just realize you're getting closer to "do it" time and make sure you're OK with that.... Thank you...I know he likes me. But I don’t think we are getting close to the “do it” time, We’re still only in the “seeing each other” time, and I don’t feel like we are ready to do that yet. At least I’m not. I have to slow things down and if he doesn’t like that then I guess he’s not worth it
Maggiemay1 Posted October 26, 2019 Posted October 26, 2019 Ok so this guy gets in a car accident , nothing serious , just without his car for a couple of weeks and milking that for time off work. You then despite being busy with your child etc , still manage to go see him 3 times in 10 days at his house. And then tell him you want that go on a date??? He was clearly not bed ridden and fully able to take you out on a date. You just were not worth the taxi fare? He was so able that he could even take advantage of his “sick leave” to have a holiday with friends under a pretence to be helping him move house? How can he be of any use with his supposed injuries that prevent him from working??? This guy is a con artist but not a good one ,the only people he cons are fools. Why are you entertaining this??!
Author Malin889 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 Ok so this guy gets in a car accident , nothing serious , just without his car for a couple of weeks and milking that for time off work. You then despite being busy with your child etc , still manage to go see him 3 times in 10 days at his house. And then tell him you want that go on a date??? He was clearly not bed ridden and fully able to take you out on a date. You just were not worth the taxi fare? He was so able that he could even take advantage of his “sick leave” to have a holiday with friends under a pretence to be helping him move house? How can he be of any use with his supposed injuries that prevent him from working??? This guy is a con artist but not a good one ,the only people he cons are fools. Why are you entertaining this??! I do appreciate your insight and agree with some of what you said, but, a con artist? Really? Sounds a bit extreme.
Author Malin889 Posted October 29, 2019 Author Posted October 29, 2019 Hi! That’s great! I am glad you had fun on your date! Did you tell him that you like him to eliminate his confusion? I would definitely have these next couple of dates out in public places. Nothing wrong with kissing him, but I agree with the above poster that sex would not be good now. I would avoid going back to his place just to remove all that temptation. Have fun on your date tonight!!! Thank you and yes that makes sense. I want to get to know him better so when we meet up next time I’m going to suggest going on a hike or bowling or something, then just go home after that. Suggestions on a fun original date?
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