Weird question about hugging

[Veronica73]

So...I’ve been seeing a therapist since January or so, mostly about issues related to childhood abuse that I had never really addressed previously.

 

And... I don’t know...my last appointment I was unusually open about some things (and that is not an easy thing for me. I tend to be quite guarded and wary.) And at the end of the sessions, usually, she stands up and heads to the door and opens it and leads me out and says something vague about setting up the next appointment.

 

But this time, we kind of both stood up and we walked towards each other and I had the urge to hug her, but then I was like “Whoa! What are you doing?!” So I backed off and said thank you and headed to the door and opened it myself. Which has never happened and she said nothing about making another appointment.

 

It just feels really weird. Have any of you have seen a therapist ever hugged your therapist? Because that’s kind of what seemed like what was supposed to happen, but I kind of backed off and went to the door.

 

And as weird as it is to hug a professional who is providing a service, the last time I saw my primary care physician she gave me a big hug. And she initiated it, and I have absolutely no concerns that that was unprofessional or anything like that. I needed a hug and she gave it to me.

 

Thoughts?

[carhill]

Our MC was a man so I shook hands.

Some people are just huggers. Yeah I get the professional boundaries thing but IMO we've got too many rules and not enough love on this planet, even basic human decency love stuff.

 

It wouldn't bug me. In fact, when I went home to mother Russia many years ago, I was shocked at how many men hugged and kissed, Russian style of course. Men were very affectionate and open there. I found out where I got my natural predisposition to that.

 

You may not like hugging people who are not intimates. That's valid. You can communicate that to them. They won't mind! They want you to feel comfortable and trust them in their work.

[preraph]

Therapists shouldn't do that. It's a different thing. They have to worry about transference, basically, their patient falling for them some way or becoming dependent on them as a friend or wanting more. So it would be rare, I would think, that they would encourage that. You can see how it might confuse.

 

I have never had a Dr. hug me, although I feel that close to my gyn at times.

[FMW]

I went to a counselor for one session when my dad died, my 23 year marriage had ended and the new man I had fallen in love with was diagnosed with cancer expected to be terminal within 5 years.

 

At the end of the session the counselor told me that I just needed to take my time and grieve so we didn't schedule any further sessions - but she asked me if she could give me a hug. I said yes.

 

That was my only experience with counseling, so I have no idea what the proper protocol is, but in the moment it seemed like a nice thing for her to do. I didn't feel anything odd about it and it wouldn't have stopped me from seeing her for another session if it had seemed it would help.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

So...I’ve been seeing a therapist since January or so, mostly about issues related to childhood abuse that I had never really addressed previously.

 

And... I don’t know...my last appointment I was unusually open about some things (and that is not an easy thing for me. I tend to be quite guarded and wary.) And at the end of the sessions, usually, she stands up and heads to the door and opens it and leads me out and says something vague about setting up the next appointment.

 

But this time, we kind of both stood up and we walked towards each other and I had the urge to hug her, but then I was like “Whoa! What are you doing?!” So I backed off and said thank you and headed to the door and opened it myself. Which has never happened and she said nothing about making another appointment.

 

It just feels really weird. Have any of you have seen a therapist ever hugged your therapist? Because that’s kind of what seemed like what was supposed to happen, but I kind of backed off and went to the door.

 

And as weird as it is to hug a professional who is providing a service, the last time I saw my primary care physician she gave me a big hug. And she initiated it, and I have absolutely no concerns that that was unprofessional or anything like that. I needed a hug and she gave it to me.

 

Thoughts?

 

I probably hugged my therapist the last time I saw her a few years ago. Can't remember.....but she was definitely the hugging type.

 

Also, 25 years ago I went to counseling and had a man. I was really struggling with some stuff and told him on the first session I was feeling like God would just give me a hug like a father and tell me I was loved and I was worthy. I think I saw him for like 6 months. On our last day he gave me a big hug, referencing what I'd told him in our first session. (This was a Christian counselor). It meant so much to me.

[alphamale]

no physical touching between theraper and therapee

[Veronica73]

Thank you for all your replies.

 

I think it was more that I was uncomfortable with my own urge to hug her, than I was with whatever, if anything, was going on with her. I really did have an urge to hug her, but I quickly realized that it would be inappropriate for me to do so. And I’m not a hugger type. I’m usually quite reserved. But....I don’t know. I’ll let it go and try not to let it bother me. I have a tendency to worry. I think she is a really good therapist and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my ability to talk to her.

[Veronica73]

Yeah. I can totally see why that would happen. Although that isn’t what I am dealing with at all.

 

(Edit) Post I was replying to was edited down to nothing.