Twizzlestick Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Weeeellll - after commenting recently about this my first ghosting has occurred since I started online dating again after being dumped last year from a long term rele. Had been on a first date with a girl. Seemed to go very well. Communicating every day. She would ring me occasionally. I had asked her out on a second date. We agree a day in principle and she seemed nice and interested. All very good. A couple of days prior to the date - I texted to firm up arrangements. I noticed her picture had vanished from WhatsApp. Mm curious. My message had double blue ticks. I’m rubbish with knowing what this together infers. A bit of google looking means I’m not blocked but she has likely deleted my contact details, that’s why I can’t see the picky. Mmm a shame. What have I done about it?.... Nothing . I’ve had to take my own advice. Swallow my own bitter pill, as tempting as it is to message a “huh?” ha. It’s a shame as I was enjoying our brief developing time, but it’s one date and clearly she’s changed her mind. The silence naturally means just that. Well unless some misfortune has befallen her, but it would be a misfortune that involved her still being able to read my message and set the blue ticks off! Perhaps a bizarre kitchenware accident that has taken away use of the fingers and she’s opening the app with her nose, but unable to stretch to a reply. I’m having fun, but it’s obvious. Having gone through the searing ongoing real pain that being dumped after 11 year brought it took a long time to win my self esteem back. The minor discomfort of this seems like twigs and berries, against the giant oak tree of last year. So in a way it’s helped me get a balance. I’ve zero tolerance now and won’t hand my self esteem back to people I don’t know by God forbid messaging a ghoster. Granted this would be very difficult if it were further down the road and we’d started to develop feelings. This isn’t asking a question rather I thought just a read for anyone else in my shoes. A case of “it happens to everyone”
MsJayne Posted October 15, 2019 Posted October 15, 2019 Good on you for not messaging her again, that's what people with intact self esteem do when faced with the rudeness of flakey twits they meet off date sites. A good question to ask people straight up when you first start chatting to them is have they ever been ghosted, and have they ever done it to anyone? That level of rudeness and disregard for others speaks volumes about a person.
The Outlaw Posted October 16, 2019 Posted October 16, 2019 Good on you for taking the high road and not messaging her back. People that drop off the face of the earth with little or no warning and the drop of a dime aren't worth the effort in the dating world anyway. 1
PRW Posted October 16, 2019 Posted October 16, 2019 Weeeellll - after commenting recently about this my first ghosting Well, it is Halloween season. Booooo....Boooooo,....wwhhaaahahaha! Mmm a shame. What have I done about it?.... Nothing .May not have mattered, but there is a couple things you can work on doing differently. I had asked her out on a second date. We agree a day in principle and she seemed nice and interested. All very good.No. It should have been an exact day/time/place. This was not a date. This was a "maybe date". Never do "maybe dates" A couple of days prior to the date - I texted to firm up arrangements.Never do confirmations. That is also why you never do maybe dates so you don't have to confirm anything. You just show up,..that's it,...you just show up. Any kind of confirmation or "firming up plans" is just giving her a free easy opportunity to cancel. If it was a real date with a solid day/time/place, then if she is going to cancel, she will have contact you and tell you by her own initiative, not wait around for you to confirm before she cancels. But since it is a "maybe date", she isn't forced to do that because she has not actually really agreed to anything binding yet, so you trying to confirm gives her the free "out" she needs. Don't ever forget that with Online Dating an attractive woman has 10-20 options for every 1 option you get. All it takes, is a guy comes along the day after you last contacted her and he is just a little hotter, a little more outgoing, a little more funny, and little more "whatever", and she is gone. Online Dating is the cancer of the dating culture and I feel like I should apologize to cancer for insulting it. Build a social life and meet people through your social life so you can gauge them a little face-to-face before you even try to get involved with them.
mortensorchid Posted October 16, 2019 Posted October 16, 2019 If I had the answer for you I would tell you what it is,but I don't have it. Just close the book and move on.
lavenderandvelvet Posted October 16, 2019 Posted October 16, 2019 I’m going to tell you about a weird ghosting incident I had. Matched on online dating. Exchanged numbers. This guy really liked to talk on the phone - I don’t really care. So I did. We had a great 2 hour conversation. It was awesome. We had compatible goals and interests. We picked a day for a meet but didn’t firm up the details. The next day or so I saw an article that was related to something we talked about on the phone. I texted it to him. He left a voicemail along the lines of “omg that was so awesome, keep doing stuff like that and we are getting married.” I text him back something like “we can talk about that after our first date *wink.* Guy ghosted after that. Never heard from him again. I was so confused.
Highndry Posted October 16, 2019 Posted October 16, 2019 She met somebody else who was of higher value to her and was too chicken **** to cancel with you. Happens. Focus on women who value you highly. It's obvious when they do as they will go to great lengths to be with you. Good luck.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 17, 2019 Posted October 17, 2019 Communicating everyday since you met? That strikes me as odd. I think you do NOT want to communicate every day after a first date--unless that first date was one of those spectacular ... 12-hour, amazing-date with amazing conversation and making-out and all of that. Unless it's a spectacular date, communicating everyday is overkill. And ... only sets you up for ghosting. And frankly, a two-hour conversation on the phone before the date. I'd counsel against that. The problem is you don't really know each other ... and you can like a voice over the phone ... and within 5 seconds of a in-person meeting, you can realize you don't like the face or the energy. Skip all that and meet in person and see what the energy is like. Like maybe a 15-minute conversation at the most to set up the first meeting. That's it! The benefit of this minimal communication around a first date ... is you don't get misled into thinking the relationship or connection is deeper than it is. And you keep your heart in control, not rushing out past where the relationship really is--which is nowhere. You don't know the person. And you haven't met them ... and then you meet them once ...Well meet them again. You say the two-hour conversation is great, but I don't think that counts since it occurred before you met. You want the two-conversation in person to be great! That's what matters. Sounds like you were buzzing based on the phone talk. Avoid that! 1
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