Evolutionine9 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Hello guys. I'm going trough a difficult situation and would love some opinions. So I met a girl a couple of months ago. Didn't think much of it. She was coming out of a 4 year relationship with her daughters father(8 months broken up). We started talking getting to know each other and we just clicked. We started dating and having a blast and getting intimate for about a month and a half. But she wanted to take things slow also since she was still healing. Then she started school. She was juggling a full time job, her 2 kids, school, and her brokenness from her past relationship. I got impatient and tried to rush things. So we ended up just being friends. I told her that I will still fight for her and be patient and wait for her. We still text everyday just not as affectionate mostly just supporting her and encouragement. We both confessed we loved each other but she just isn't in a place to commit since she has so much going on. And she said it's not fair to leave me in the back burner. Also she is diagnosed with BPD. So I understand that I'm her last priority. And I understand she has ALOT going on. To me she is worth the wait. Idk how I should approach this. How to act. How to text. If to ask her to hang out. No idea what I'm doing anymore.
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Hello guys. I'm going trough a difficult situation and would love some opinions. So I met a girl a couple of months ago. Didn't think much of it. She was coming out of a 4 year relationship with her daughters father(8 months broken up). We started talking getting to know each other and we just clicked. We started dating and having a blast and getting intimate for about a month and a half. But she wanted to take things slow also since she was still healing. Then she started school. She was juggling a full time job, her 2 kids, school, and her brokenness from her past relationship. I got impatient and tried to rush things. So we ended up just being friends. I told her that I will still fight for her and be patient and wait for her. We still text everyday just not as affectionate mostly just supporting her and encouragement. We both confessed we loved each other but she just isn't in a place to commit since she has so much going on. And she said it's not fair to leave me in the back burner. Also she is diagnosed with BPD. So I understand that I'm her last priority. And I understand she has ALOT going on. To me she is worth the wait. Idk how I should approach this. How to act. How to text. If to ask her to hang out. No idea what I'm doing anymore. What, exactly, does "fight for her" even mean? You mean drag an unwilling person down a path you want to go down? 2
Author Evolutionine9 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Posted October 9, 2019 What, exactly, does "fight for her" even mean? You mean drag an unwilling person down a path you want to go down? As in wait for her and be patient
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 (edited) As in wait for her and be patient Waste of time and youth. She's not interested enough to warrant you putting your life on hold. She's not interested enough to scale back a scale-able area to make time for you. Can you wait in silence and not pester her about your feelings for however many years it may take for her to even get around to considering your offer? Edited October 9, 2019 by kendahke 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 It doesn't sound like she's all that into you, beyond simple friendship. If you're hoping for more, you're wasting your time. Eventually, you'll realize this and will put your efforts elsewhere.
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 You don't wait for people to be emotionally available. When these people finally work through their issues and are ready to recommit they rarely move on with the person that 'waited' for them because they're just a reminder of those difficult days. You're filling a void that's all, you're there for her to reach when she needs emotional support but that's it. Nothing more. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Sorry, sounds like you're a rebound. She wanted a distraction and you were it, but now she's back to reality and doesn't want the pressure of commitment with you. I suggest not being her friend orbiter, as that will simply reduce her romantic attraction. Your best shot is to tell her to get in touch when/if she feels she has time for dating again. Then stop the time-filling texting and get on with your life. If she really likes you, she'll be back. If not, she won't. Either way, you'll be getting on with your life, which is good.
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Do not stay & fight. There is nothing to fight for. You were a rebound. You were the man who transitioned her from completely broken & needing reassurance to somebody who can stand on her own. She no longer needs the emotional crutch that you were. Don't be mean to her but don't be patient either. You will simply be friend-zoned. Focus your energy on somebody who is emotional available to be in a relationship with you.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 As in wait for her and be patient She doesn't want you to wait for her, so there's no sense keeping her spot warm when she doesn't care if it goes cold. This is a woman trying to let you down gently, OP. She is busy, yes, but her interest level just isn't there. 1
Flame Aura Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 She is not into you for whatever reason, probably as she is not over her ex. When you want to be with someone you don't use excuses such as 'my life is too busy with xyz to be in a relationship' as that's just BS.
chillii Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 l wouldn't myself. She may've used love but there's some huge things around that with her and then there's all kinds of love too, and there's think we love too. But only 8mths with two young kids, work and school , on top of it, jesus. She's not even gonna have time anyway and she knows that, knows it's too soon too , and she knows she's probably not talking the love itself or feeling quite the right stuff either. The more you wait and pop up asking if she wants to do this or that , the more pressure it'll put on her . Andddd, she's got bpd , on top of all that. Man l don't think anyone could even possibly comprehend bpd alone , without spending a few years with someone bpd. Just that alone without the rest is so huge l'd never knowing go there again, no way in hell. So all up if l was you l'd really be moving on from this one , and l'm not one of those that just throws the next words around like this stuff grows on trees but really, l don't think there's much you can do with this.
Gretchen12 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 If you're just going to wait, you should wait in silence and in private. Don't be this friend that's hanging on. Stop contact but don't block. If she really loves you and just needs more time, she can reach out to you months later to see if you're single. I suspect you don't like my idea because you think likely she never will reach out later. If that's your realistic assessment then there's no reason to wait.
preraph Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 You've only known her a few weeks. There's not enough substance to even think about acting as if you're committed. She has now put you in the friendzone, and there you will stay, so do not hang around. Tell her you are going to just get on with life and good luck to her. She broke up with you.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 We both confessed we loved each other but she just isn't in a place to commit since she has so much going on. And she said it's not fair to leave me in the back burner. Also she is diagnosed with BPD. So I understand that I'm her last priority. This is a classic line used to let someone down gently. Had this done to me several times and learned that the person is just not into you and is lying to not look bad. There were times in my life where I wasn't ready for anything, therefore I DIDN'T date. Do not wait on her. You could be waiting forever while she falls in love w/another guy. Once a person pulls that line, to me that is the end. Even if she recommits to you, she will prob pull that again. No person is worth waiting on like that....Find a woman who will commit (many to choose from). By the way if she told you to back off, fighting harder for her will push her farther away.
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