Atlantis5 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 I’ve grown up in family where the word you said is the word you meant. I was never fond of sarcasm, even though, of some non personal stuff it may sound as intelligent joke. Well, fast forward. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy ever. But his dad is ice cold person, who never compliments anything that is mine (outfit, dog, car, house,...) but always mocks in sarcastic tone. He is even ice cold in normal conversations...he doesnt say much but most of the time when he does it’s sarcasm and sometimes very hurtful. He even tried to make me wash my laundry certain temperature, even though I wash sensitive fabric at lowest...he came to me saying: dont ever do that; and I said: I always did my laundry this way... well he interferes with everything, even washing machine... How to set boundaries? My boyfriend worships his dad and respects him even though he is saying and doing this that hurt, saying to me: he was just joking! What to do and not act disrespectful when his father tries to mock me again? Should I even be so nice to him or should I pull back my presence at family events? Thank you
Maddie82 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Where are you doing your laundry? If it's at your own place then just ignore him. It's not his place to tell you how to do it. Maybe your bf is not the guy for you because he should defend you when his dad hurts you. But he doesn't.
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 But his dad is ice cold person, who never compliments anything that is mine Why should he? Why are you seeking validation from his father? Isn't validation supposed to come from your boyfriend? He even tried to make me wash my laundry certain temperature, even though I wash sensitive fabric at lowest...he came to me saying: dont ever do that; and I said: I always did my laundry this way... well he interferes with everything, even washing machine... Why are you washing clothes at the father's house? No laundromats where you live? How to set boundaries? My boyfriend worships his dad and respects him even though he is saying and doing this that hurt, saying to me: he was just joking! Your boundaries are for you to set up, not your boyfriend. He doesn't feel the need to set boundaries up for his father, so this is what you are left to deal with. If you don't like it, remove yourself from the vicinity and stop dating this guy. If you are going to stick around, then you're going to have to put up with his dad--blood is thicker than water. What to do and not act disrespectful when his father tries to mock me again? Should I even be so nice to him or should I pull back my presence at family events? Thank you Learn to discern when your boyfriend has put someone else in front of you on the priority list. His father is squarely before you and he will make sure that relationship is secure before he tends to yours. That's what you have to work with here.
Gretchen12 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Can you give an example of the mocking and sarcasm?
Flame Aura Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Yea can you give some examples? As from what you have posted so far he doesn't sound that bad.
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 The boundary is water off a duck's back. You just have to learn not to care. While it's not your communication's style, some people mock & are sarcastic because they care; they only bother to be straight & therefore not assuming in their own minds with people they don't like.
Author Atlantis5 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Posted October 9, 2019 Thank you for your replies. We live partly at my boyfriends and partly at my family’s house; my parents are very warm people so in our house there are no strict guidelines for anything of the small stuff as long as everything is quite normal. My parents are very welcoming and liberal. His father is very introvert, he even doesnt speak a lot with his children. I always tried to be nice, friendly and all I got were insults wrapped in jokes. It rarely happens he is really nice to me, if ever happened.. My boyfriend and I lead our lifestyle and eat healthy food. And my boyfriend even started to work out more and he became really pumped in the upper part. His father always teases him that he is fat and when I came into the picture, I am fat too. He says it so that it sounds like joke but it isnt...he phoned my boyfriend once and the first thing he said was: oh there is Holiday of you and Sonia in the next days! And my boyfriend seriously replied: really, which Holiday? And his father said: its Fat Friday! (This is national holiday at our country, it has nothing to do with being fat except name). And doing my laundry...of course I sometimes do my laundry at boyfriends house...and there is one washing machine which we share. I went to do my stuff and he came after to look how many degrees I put for washing. Then he rushed into the room saying: we have to negotiate something! Dont ever wash your stuff on that temperature! And of course I said I always do my laundry certain way and will not change...but I think he got it like I meant it rude. Yeeez
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 There's your boundary -- stay out of the dad's house. When you are ready to live on your own, then you set the rules about laundry, diet, tone etc. 2
Author Atlantis5 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Posted October 9, 2019 And about being fat...I am 177 cm and 63 kg.
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 And doing my laundry...of course I sometimes do my laundry at boyfriends house... Are you and your boyfriend paying the electricity and water bill? If not, then it's his father's house and he's going to weigh in because he owns the machine you're using, not you and not your boyfriend. If you don't want him to say anything about how you do anything, stay out of his house and get your own place--but you cannot dictate to the homeowner how he may act in his own home. Spend all your time at your parents house if you don't like it. It's time for the both of you to pull up your big girl/big boy pants, get a second or third job to amass the money to move into you own place where no one can tell you how to do anything. 1
kendahke Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 And about being fat...I am 177 cm and 63 kg. That's not even fat. He's being a miserable tool, but he's being one in his own home where he can be left alone in his mediocre misery. Would that all tools just stay home and not bother others...
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