PureAtmosphere Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 So I (26,F) have been dating a guy (35,M) for the past 2 months. We have great chemistry and have seen each other almost every week for the past 2 months. Our dates usually range somewhere between 5-9+ hours (even our first date was long as hell). He seems like a great guy but I am aware that we are still in the honeymoon phase and we have not had sex yet either (not even a hand j*b). He's a gentleman - picks me up, pays for every date, hasn't pressured me for sex and even agreed to get tested with me. He claims he wants a long term relationship that will lead to marriage and kids - I want the same. Long story short, he invited me to meet up with his friends. Although he was caring and affectionate to me around them, he seemed adament about reinforcing the fact that we were not boyfriend and girlfriend (which I already know we aren't). He even stated that we have been dating for a month (which is a lie - it has actually been two months). Before we met up with his friends, he told me he was ok with me seeing other guys but hours later got defensive when I mixed up some random fact about him with a guy friend of mine and said: "Oh, you must be confusing me with the other guy you are dating..." etc. Truth is, I'm not dating anyone but him. I do talk to other dudes but they don't materialize into anything. Although I haven't been physically intimate with him I can already feel myself getting attached to him emotionally. I cancelled our upcoming date and told him the other day that I needed space. He got upset and assumed that I wanted to end things but I told him I needed time alone to think. We were going to celebrate his one year anniversary of passing his bar exam. It was my idea to celebrate it but I cancelled because it felt like it was something a girlfriend would do. I don't want to give him the "girlfriend experience" if he doesn't see me that way. I just feel like I should end it. Despite his actions suggesting he likes me, his words the other night suggested something else. What guy would tell a girl he was TRULY into that he is ok with her dating other men?! I can understand during the first couple of dates but after 2 months?! We've spent at least 60+ hours together - if he wanted to be exclusive he would have asked me by now. This isn't rocket science - he is 35 years old for goodness sake! I was on reddit earlier and saw posts from husbands who said they knew their wife was the one after 1-3 months, hell some even after the first date! I feel like a guy knows where he stands with you off the bat and will gladly string you along in order to get relationship benefits without the commitment. Also, he still has photos of his ex girlfriend on FB. They are photos from 2012. I'm assuming she is his first love. Someone once told me that a guy never gets over his first love... We aren't official so I can't complain to him about this since it is overstepping my boundaries - but it does seem like a red flag to me. Do you all agree or disagree? Should I just end things altogether or keep my distance for a few days/weeks and talk to him about why I needed space? TL/DR - I (26F) have been dating a guy (35M) for 2 months. After 2 months of dating, he said he was ok with me seeing other guys. I asked for space but now want to know if I should end it altogether and cut my losses.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 Yes, end it altogether. He's not treating you the way you want to be treated. Waste of time to continue on ... he's just not that into you. Getting out at 2 months ... saves lots of heartache and pain compared to getting out after 2 years. Run now. 1
Author PureAtmosphere Posted October 8, 2019 Author Posted October 8, 2019 Yes, end it altogether. He's not treating you the way you want to be treated. Waste of time to continue on ... he's just not that into you. Getting out at 2 months ... saves lots of heartache and pain compared to getting out after 2 years. Run now. Thank you for the honest response
Lotsgoingon Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 You want (at minimum) a guy who is totally proud to tell his friends he is dating you!--that you are his girlfriend. This guy is playing games with your mind.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 In my experience when a man sees potential and wants a lasting relationship with you, he makes that very clear. You don't have to wonder.
Author PureAtmosphere Posted October 9, 2019 Author Posted October 9, 2019 You want (at minimum) a guy who is totally proud to tell his friends he is dating you!--that you are his girlfriend. This guy is playing games with your mind. Wow! Thank you for the wake up call. I knew not to take it seriously but seeing how he was acting and trying to "play it cool" and downplay our time spent together really left a bad taste in my mouth. I'd rather him introduce me to a bum off the street as his girlfriend then to have him introduce me as some "girl he met online" to his best friends of 30+ years.
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 I wonder if this guy has read too many dating books and is playing hard to get games. Very ugly at his age though. I vote for dumping him.
Author PureAtmosphere Posted October 9, 2019 Author Posted October 9, 2019 I wonder if this guy has read too many dating books and is playing hard to get games. Very ugly at his age though. I vote for dumping him. Thank you. Some guys reach an age where instead of them maturing into love, they get jaded and begin operating from a space of fear. We met online and I feel like most people online are commitmentphobic, jaded, and afraid of rejection - especially the guys who are unmarried and childless by 35+.
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Let him be someone else's problem. I met my boyfriend online 4 years ago and is respectful and loving. You search till you find your right fit, it ain't this one.
Interstellar Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 He could be jaded and cynical. He doesn’t know what he wants either. Did you sit down with him and talk to him about wanting a commitment. It sounds like you really like him but if you’re not getting what you want out of this then simply wish him the best and walk away. Are you brave enough? lol
scooby-philly Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Thank you. Some guys reach an age where instead of them maturing into love, they get jaded and begin operating from a space of fear. We met online and I feel like most people online are commitmentphobic, jaded, and afraid of rejection - especially the guys who are unmarried and childless by 35+. 38 childless and single as of 7 weeks ago. Having been in a relationship with an age gap he could be afraid of judgment. And he could just be afraid of getting hurt. And those are okay...but you can force the issue. That.beinf said...if someone really loved you those would not be a block for most guys even if they had been in the past. Dont dump him right away if you really like him but be blunt and clear and draw a line in the sand and see what happens...
ajequals Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 I think you should actually have an honest discussion about where this is going ,when a guy hears I need space to think ,he's usually being dumped and he knows it. you seem to care about him. talk to HIM
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