I (male) matched on Tinder with a lesbian

[Quokka]

Okay so as you can see from the title I 23M matched with a 19F who declares herself lesbian on the dating app tinder. Initially I was confused but I didn't bother to ask at first as her bio was just saying how she wanted to meet new people. I thought to myself well I'm not opposed to that all.

 

Since then, we've hung out twice, the first time I met her and her friends which just so happened to be friends of mine as well. In fact, me and her were shocked that we'd never ran into each other before. These friends I wouldn't consider close friends but I consider them friends nonetheless.

 

Right away I was in awe of her. She's absolutely gorgeous, super down to earth, just click right away. At the end of the night, I drop her off and we real talk, so I ask her why did we match on tinder exactly? She told me that I was "super hot" and she just had to do it. So I carefully tiptoed because I don't want to be the stereotypical male who tries to convert lesbian women into liking them just to flatter an ego. So I asked her if she was then attracted to me and she said yes but her preference is female she then clarified that she couldn't help but match with me just out of curiosity. I will also add that we had great chemistry, back and forth banter, and constantly making each other laugh it was truly fun! We agreed to getting lunch the next day.

 

So the next day, we go to lunch, we're laughing having fun, kind of making a mess, shes feeding me salad from her fork, and being super playful. I mean this girl really knows how to have fun. I've seriously had the most fun in the past 2 days than I have in months. After that we meet up with one of her other friends (also another friend of mine) we all hangout, share some laughs, again another great time. We then leave and go to a park as it was nice out yesterday and this group of guys holler us over. I'm thinking the worst but they just needed a lighter for a blunt. I go get them a lighter from my truck and come back and she told them I was her boyfriend (I'm assuming they were hitting on her pretty intensely when I walked off) so I was her boyfriend for that encounter. I then took her back to my place to watch movies but the entire time we never watched them we just laughed, flirted, being playful, having fun etc. We even went to wal-mart because she said my room was too boring and she insisted on buying me a rug, a lamp, and some curtains which she paid for and I begged her not to but she just wanted to. So we settled on an even 50/50 split on the items.

 

So I guess you're wondering well whats the problem? Well I don't know exactly I guess if I had to pinpoint, She has this ex-girlfriend that she claims she doesn't have feelings for anymore but when she talked about it, I could definitely read that she does. Just subtle things and tone of voice when she talks about it. Also, the flirting. She loves to flirt with me, she pokes me, hits me playfully, brushes my arm, teases me, etc. But, since her sexual preference I respectfully don't reciprocate as this is day two of hanging out but, it was almost too much. And I say too much because she'll also refer to me as being friends but then says I'm hot and does all of the other things mentioned above. So as you can guess I've got a giant amount of confusion and a bad case of blue balls whenever we hangout. But other than that, this chick has got my attention.

 

So any thoughts or how to approach this situation would be nice. You could say the end goal here is to be more than friends with this woman since all of the chemistry and flirting is reciprocated.

 

Thanks

-Quokka

 

P.S. I want to clarify that I'm not trying to convert this girl in anyway. I hope by the things I've mentioned above you could see why there would be some confusion on my part.

[central]

If you like her, see where it goes. If you don't, simply end it. Things will become very clear, very soon - as soon as sex enters the picture, no doubt! She is likely bisexual, though, so you'll both have to figure out limits and boundaries that work for you both if you want to continue a relationship.

[Happy Lemming]

I'd like to agree with "central", I think she is bi-sexual.

 

In my youth I went out with a bi-sexual woman. In the end, I couldn't deal with the competition of both sexes and I ended it. I don't mind competing against other guys for a woman (may the best man win), but competing against both other men and women for her affection became too much.

 

My advice is to bail and try to date a 100% heterosexual woman. The time, energy and resources spent on this woman "who is just looking to meet new people" would be more wisely spent looking for someone that wants to actually date men and in particular "you".

[Quokka]

I'd like to agree with "central", I think she is bi-sexual.

 

In my youth I went out with a bi-sexual woman. In the end, I couldn't deal with the competition of both sexes and I ended it. I don't mind competing against other guys for a woman (may the best man win), but competing against both other men and women for her affection became too much.

 

My advice is to bail and try to date a 100% heterosexual woman. The time, energy and resources spent on this woman "who is just looking to meet new people" would be more wisely spent looking for someone that wants to actually date men and in particular "you".

 

Didn't even think about the competition from both. Yikes.

[gaius]

Stop being so respectful already. If you want this woman then flirt back and go get her.

 

If you end up in bed and she's like the Sahara desert down there you know she's a lesbian and you're barking up the wrong tree. But at least you tried.

[healing light]

If her being bisexual doesn't bother you, I say go in for a kiss. I have a feeling she'll eagerly reciprocate.

[Interstellar]

Ask her if she got any single and straight girl friends for you. Could also be a nice, make out partner but don’t allow your interest level to go higher.

 

Keep your interest at the low 50-60’s range. It may be difficult especially if she’s good looking, but protect your heart at all times. Continue dating other women.

[damni]

She is not a lesbian if she is interested in a man.

 

You have been respectful so far but it sounds like she wants you to make a move. Go for it.

[Twizzlestick]

She empirically isn’t lesbian. She’s bi and think she’s just discovered that.

 

Stop dancing. Make a move. Respectfully. I wouldn’t fancy her as a long term partner if she is bi. Double the completion. PLUS there’s the added extra of “mm, did I choose the right side”. I’ve known to bi sexual reles tank because of this. One guy is married yet constantly flirts with men.

[preraph]

I used to have a cadre of gay guy friends, and some of them would say I was hot. One even said he just had to meet me because of how I looked and dressed. Now, the many years I knew him, he was gay, but then later, he married a woman (he did tell me once he liked big boobed women - -I am not big boobed). I just didn't believe it!

 

I mean, gayness is on a sliding scale. You're not all gay or all straight. So there is hope, although (I'm 68), from years of watching it play out, I will say that it seems like when the gay people go to the dark side but their main interest is in the same-sex, they usually have a powerful pull to get back to the main course. So...

Edited October 10, 2019 by preraph