TomsLife Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 I’ve been talking to this really sweet girl for 4 months or so now. We had many nice conversations about her that time. I started talking to her during Some training for the army national guard. After I got home I started talking more and more and we always talked about going out to get food, but more casually then romantically. She wasn’t available the few times I asked , but it never seemed that she was saying no because she didn’t want to, she always had a good reason, or atleast made it seem that way. Well one day I swallowed my pride and told her my feelings. It wasn’t anything big. I just told her that I thought I had feelings for her, and at first she said she had gotten out of a big relationship like 6 months ago and she was still hung up over it, and she didn’t know how to feel about ehay I said, I understood all that. What shocked me was a day later she blocked me on everything, it got me down, but I thought that was the end of it. 2 weeks later she added me back and started direct messaging me on Instagram. She was saying how she was sorry and She felt bad for blocking me and she was sorry that she just said she didn’t know what to say and blocking me. But that’s where I’m stuck, she added me back and only said she still doesn’t know how to feel about what I said. I just don’t know if it is a dead end or if I should even keep perusing it. If needed I have the direct messages from The last couple days and they show everything pretty well. I just need help. I feel like my head is going to explode.
preraph Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 It is a dead end. She felt bad for blocking you, but she's not interested and has turned you down a few times now, trying to do it gently, so obviously, anything more direct is very uncomfortable for her. Tell her you understand and to have a nice life. She is not interested. I'm sorry.
kendahke Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 I’m stuck, she added me back and only said she still doesn’t know how to feel about what I said. She added you back because you're the fall back guy. If she doesn't know then her answer to you is "no". You're not stuck. Block her and move on. She's not interested enough for you to be this twisted up.
Foxhall Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 She is slowly warming to you or that is what you are hoping anyway! the above two posts are probably right, but you never know either, play it cool be content to be her friend dont get too attached or hung up over it, "head exploding over it"- you need to change this mindset, what does it matter if nothing happens, enjoy the chase and live and learn.
Author TomsLife Posted October 8, 2019 Author Posted October 8, 2019 I just told her that I understood where it came from to try to defuse it all and listen to what the first two comments said, but then she just asked "if i've dated someone before?" Whatever that means
kendahke Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 (edited) I just told her that I understood where it came from to try to defuse it all and listen to what the first two comments said, but then she just asked "if i've dated someone before?" Whatever that means If you're asking that question, then you don't understand much of where it came from. What does who you've dated before have to do with you having feelings for her and wanting to take things further. That means she's still not interested in what you have to offer. Take her cue and leave her alone. She's not wanting what you're wanting and you're going to end up drawing back an emotional bloody stump if you don't ease up because she's going to have to unzip the lizard on you to get you to stand down. Edited October 8, 2019 by kendahke
Lotsgoingon Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 She wasn’t available the few times I asked , but it never seemed that she was saying no because she didn’t want to, she always had a good reason, or at least made it seem that way. This was your mistake right here and many of us have made this mistake. There is no such thing as not being available. That's simply a code that some women use to get out of saying a direct, "No, I'm not interested in going out with you on a date." Time for you to learn this code. That means they are not interested in you for dating. Yeah, took me a while to learn this code ... but once I did, I got a lot of laughs thinking back to all the women I asked out ... who clearly had no interest in me. When people are interested, they make themselves available ... they cancel and skip other things ... And if they absolutely can't hang out now, they will tell you how painful it is to delay hanging out ... and they'll give you specific times when they will be able to hang out. They will also stay in contact, trying to keep the energy alive, during the time when they can't hang out. So yes, your chances are dating here are dead. Yes, you should move on. And next time, you'll know this the first time someone makes it hard to meet up ... and tells you they're not "available." 1
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Another vote for dead end, sorry. She may enjoy talking to you but it will never be more. Stop wasting your time.
lurker74 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Lotsgoingon is spot on. Let me put it this way...when I ask a guy friend (I'm a hetero man, if that matters) to do something (bar, golf, etc), he gets two no's. After that, if he wants to do something, I'll let him reach out. When I got divorced several years ago, I implemented the same plan with women. Sure, anyone can be busy at the beginning. I'll gladly ask a second time if they say they're too busy the first. After that, I no longer ask. You'd be surprised how often they come back after that. Slightly sexist but here goes: Woman want to be pursued. They don't want to be chased. Once they perceive you as chasing, they lose respect for you. So pursue, don't chase.
Twizzlestick Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Dead end. At best, a glimmer. Do not “persue” Young Sky Walker! Send this, then unfollow/unlink her immediately. Do not wait for a social media reply. This is a self esteem extraction procedure (I threw in the mil reference just for you as you’re a soldier ) “No worries. To be honest being unlinked on social media was probably a good idea of yours - for me too, given the difference of feeling ha! I’m going to unlink us. You’ve got my number, so if you want to go on a proper date drop me a line! All the best and take care” Its lighthearted yet direct. This message tells her to not bother you unless she wants a proper date and tells her you’ll not be talking otherwise. Also quite nicely reverses the psychology and gives a taste of her own blocking medicine, so she’s hoisted by her own petard but in a polite manner. She can’t have you as a mate. Basically it’s you taking your balls back. If you can’t stop yourself getting drawn into online stalking and her profile is public - block. Basically I doubt you’ll be able to stop yourself so blocking might be only choice. Do not get drawn into chatting. It’s dead but you can reclaim self esteem 1
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