salparadise Posted October 10, 2019 Posted October 10, 2019 But yep just that kind of denigration, assumptions, prejudice and misunderstandings is the kind of stuff he is looking to avoid. Spending weekend nights alone because the guy is crazy about some game, table-top, computer or otherwise, is real... not denigration, assumption, or prejudice. I think the guy needs to get his priorities sorted. Just because you're into it too doesn't mean it has protected status. 1
kendahke Posted October 10, 2019 Posted October 10, 2019 he said "I'll be at the house all evening." The phrase seems odd to me. Why not say "I'll be at home"? "At the house" sounds like something that someone who has multiple residences would say. No. It's not. I've heard so many people say this, especially those in LA. There is nothing weird about this. You're just reaching for something in order to be right. 1
SumGuy Posted October 10, 2019 Posted October 10, 2019 Spending weekend nights alone because the guy is crazy about some game, table-top, computer or otherwise, is real... not denigration, assumption, or prejudice. I think the guy needs to get his priorities sorted. Just because you're into it too doesn't mean it has protected status. In the end it doesn’t matter what it is as Clia so aptly put it above. People when dating should be able to have one weekend night with friends for whatever. It seems Saturday is a priority for her in his life and bet he’d be happy to include her Friday if she wanted. If you think no activity qualifies unless it is child care then that’s your opinion and you can date men who feel the same way. I pick up a tone of denigration because it seems to me your issue is it is a “game” and not “real”; but really it is more of a social gathering very much similar to poker night or Monday night football night, which are both things I love. It also has the same social bonding aspect of a dinner party amongst close friends...but your welcome to your preconceptions. 1
Malin889 Posted October 10, 2019 Posted October 10, 2019 It sounds like things are going well. You haven’t even been dating that long and already he’s going away with you. I wouldn’t worry or even ask.
Gretchen12 Posted October 10, 2019 Posted October 10, 2019 OP, if you need help overthinking, I'm here to help ;-) If this Friday thing is by now an elephant in the room as another poster said, then might it not be possible he purposely used Fridays in the example about this game to throw you off? However, I feel you don't have enough to say it's every Friday. You have only two examples: the one about the trip, and the one where he said any day of THAT week except Friday. And he has his folks this month so you may need to wait for more info.
Blanco Posted October 12, 2019 Posted October 12, 2019 My god, the self-sabotage here is astonishing. 2
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 12, 2019 Author Posted October 12, 2019 First you are over analyzing things, probably because you really like him and have a bit of an anxious attachment style, welcome to the club:) If you haven’t guessed, i am/was (it’s been a while but we had a monthly game for 10 years) a ttrpg (you can google it) player. He is feeling you out about how you see this hobby, 95% certain this is what Friday is about. Your right here he did not say Friday by accident. My own experience is certain women still look askance at this hobby, initially in OLD many women were surprised I had such a geeky side, what wealthy, active in shape, executive, with social skills into D&D and the like! Yah we are everywhere. Now my profile has none of that materialistic stuff, a lot of geeky stuff that is clear to those in the know. You’re right it is hard to really know someone, it takes time patience. That is what he is trying to figure out. Feel he is waiting until you like him for so many other things that when he tells you about Friday D&D you still like him. I will say if it is something you are interested in, finding a girlfriend that likes to join the game with you is like finding a unicorn. Now your what if and attention to detail mind could work well in many a gaming group . Thanks! Can I bottle you up and keep you as my own personal Jiminy Cricket? I still don't entirely know why he wouldn't have told me....after all, I know he is a gamer, I know he is a geek. And frankly, he knows I am a bit of a nerd myself, which is why it would surprise me if he thought I wouldn't understand or that I'd be scared off or whatever. But, at this point, it really doesn't matter what his reason is. I've moved past it. Haha, I don't know if I am a unicorn or not, but it seems to be a dude night, a standing get-together with his buddies. Like someone (maybe you) had mentioned, similar to poker night. While I am certainly not opposed to joining, I wouldn't invite myself. However, we did talk about it for at least 45 minutes. We came up with a name for me. But, most of it was me asking questions and him answering. But, it was genuine curiosity on my part. Totally genuine. At the end of it, he said he thought I was asking to humor him, which was a little hurtful. But, that wasn't it at all. I just like learning and as I said, genuine interest. Not sure if that puts me in unicorn category, but maybe very pretty horse category? OP, if you need help overthinking, I'm here to help ;-) If this Friday thing is by now an elephant in the room as another poster said, then might it not be possible he purposely used Fridays in the example about this game to throw you off? However, I feel you don't have enough to say it's every Friday. You have only two examples: the one about the trip, and the one where he said any day of THAT week except Friday. And he has his folks this month so you may need to wait for more info. Oh mannnnnnnnnn. Well, I hadn't really considered that point, but...here we are. Now I have to consider it. I suppose it's possible. I hadn't really brought up the Friday thing to him, so for this to be the case, he would have had to read my mind or assume it was an issue. And then waited for a conversation that he could slip it into. And waited for just the right moment. A lot of ifs and buts. It was buried pretty deep in the conversation, so I am going to choose to believe it just came up casually, and not in a pre-meditated way. But, you are right, I guess it could be a possibility. As far as only two examples, yes and no. With the trip thing, he specifically said it's hard for him to commit full weekends. I took that as the fact that no matter which weekend it is, it is hard for him to have a full weekend available. So, maybe not EVERY weekend. But, my impression was that it was a multiple weekend thing. Also...do I know you?
SumGuy Posted October 12, 2019 Posted October 12, 2019 Thanks! Can I bottle you up and keep you as my own personal Jiminy Cricket? sure I still don't entirely know why he wouldn't have told me....after all, I know he is a gamer, I know he is a geek. And frankly, he knows I am a bit of a nerd myself, which is why it would surprise me if he thought I wouldn't understand or that I'd be scared off or whatever. But, at this point, it really doesn't matter what his reason is. I've moved past it. I know it doesn't make sense, but hey have known so many guys who into geeky things that have gotten "burned" by it. If it helps people are understanding of your difference until it is real, like people who are "OK" with people being gay but if they kissed in public all sorts of judgement comes out. Haha, I don't know if I am a unicorn or not, but it seems to be a dude night, a standing get-together with his buddies. Like someone (maybe you) had mentioned, similar to poker night. While I am certainly not opposed to joining, I wouldn't invite myself. It's cool. No need to invite yourself, something someday you could just say that sounds fun, do you think i would like it? That expresses interest without inviting yourself in. However, we did talk about it for at least 45 minutes. We came up with a name for me. But, most of it was me asking questions and him answering. But, it was genuine curiosity on my part. Totally genuine. At the end of it, he said he thought I was asking to humor him, which was a little hurtful. But, that wasn't it at all. I just like learning and as I said, genuine interest. Not sure if that puts me in unicorn category, but maybe very pretty horse category? that he thought you might be humoring him makes me think he is very much cautious about it, and maybe can't believe his good luck you really interested. You are definitively close to unicorn territory, wonder if unicorns over analyze Just teasing. Oh mannnnnnnnnn. Well, I hadn't really considered that point, but...here we are. Now I have to consider it. I suppose it's possible. I hadn't really brought up the Friday thing to him, so for this to be the case, he would have had to read my mind or assume it was an issue. And then waited for a conversation that he could slip it into. And waited for just the right moment. A lot of ifs and buts. It was buried pretty deep in the conversation, so I am going to choose to believe it just came up casually, and not in a pre-meditated way. But, you are right, I guess it could be a possibility. Good on you, stringing together ifs and buts is just supposition upon supposition. Useful if conducting a RICO investigation, a pretty destructive way to act in a relationship. At some point where it makes sense and matters an open conversation about it is the answer. As far as only two examples, yes and no. With the trip thing, he specifically said it's hard for him to commit full weekends. I took that as the fact that no matter which weekend it is, it is hard for him to have a full weekend available. So, maybe not EVERY weekend. But, my impression was that it was a multiple weekend thing. On the whole weekend away thing, it can be hard to do for anyone, just with work etc. Forget a game/guy night. I'd say my whole life it has been hard to get away for a full weekend, always some responsibility or using some weekend time to get ready for the week or just being exhausted from the work week Friday night and then exhausted Monday morning if back late Sunday. It may also be too soon in the relationship. Also minds change, certainly as a relationship grows. Your right though hard does not mean impossible. Not now does not mean always.
IslandSanctuary Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 I don't see in your description that you both have agreed to exclusivity, so technically he has the freedom to see someone on Friday,...and so do you. But spending weekends together is what people who are exclusive would do,...not causal daters. So there is an inconsistency in what you have told (or failed to tell) each other you are really doing -vs- what you are both behaving like together. Either ask him why he can't do Friday,...or as an alternative,... bring up the exclusivity conversation and see what he agrees to. It is really your job to bring up the exclusivity question anyway. If he is seeing someone on Friday's then he will resist exclusivity, but if he accepts exclusivity and says nothing about Fridays then there is probably nothing happening on Friday that you need to worry about. Personally I dont feel you need to agree to exclusivity. Once I find out they were not exclusive with me at any stage I politely move on.
lana-banana Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 His D&D group is available EVERY Friday? Now that's a miracle. My husband has been part of a tabletop game group for years and they're always rescheduling. It is a little weird that he hasn't actually just acknowledged that that's what he's doing, but I am surprised in this day and age that people are embarrassed about tabletop games. D&D is not just a guy's hobby. All but one person in my husband's group is married, three players are women, and we're all friends. It's not any nerdier than a fantasy sports group. Honestly, if you are this paranoid this early it doesn't bode well for your chances. Overthinking and distrust will torpedo your relationship if you let it. Relax! Unless you have a reason to believe he's lying to you, you should take him at his word. 1
schlumpy Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Playing Dungeon and Dragons has the advantage of encouraging the use of your imagination as well as tactics. If you can get the right people in the group you can built an alternate world and that really is magic. 1
Amethyst68 Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Full disclosure I haven't read the full thread but if your talking about going going on trips out have already gone on them. If you've had sex with this guy then you can sure as hell ask what he does on a Friday! In fact it's the natural next question in the conversation. "I can't leave on the Friday evening" "Oh why not? Got something on?" Doesn't have to be accusing. I can't imaging any version of this conversation where I didn't ask this conversation. Again if he's never available on a Friday, simply unimaginable that you're even thinking about it !
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Eh I had almost exact same scenario. I was also told here that I am paranoid. After questioning the guy and getting cagey answers, he finally admitted that he spends Friday nights with his attractive female friend, former FWB. Not long after, we broke up and they started dating.
Blanco Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Eh I had almost exact same scenario. I was also told here that I am paranoid. After questioning the guy and getting cagey answers, he finally admitted that he spends Friday nights with his attractive female friend, former FWB. Not long after, we broke up and they started dating. Well then this guy must be doing the same thing. 2
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 Just wanted to give a heads up to anyone following the saga in this thread, I did just post an updated thread and would love your input.
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