DrNo1962 Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Been seeing this girl for the last 5 weeks and things have been going reasonably well so far. The chemistry was great on the first date and the rapport has been steadily building over the following weeks (as has the sex). However, she's told me a few things on our dates that frankly have made the hair stand up at the back of my neck: 1. She told me she’s emotionally guarded and rarely lets anyone “in” (emotionally & physically). She’s not good with vulnerability. 2. She joked with me about a guy she was seeing who she would let sleep over but withheld sex from him. Poor guy was flipping out...she thought it was funny. 3. She has mostly male friends and talks about 1 or 2 guys in particular quite regularly 4. She doesn’t communicate much with her Dad. Am I reading too much in to any of these revelations or would these be things that would automotaically disqualify her as GF material?
Kelliousme Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 1, emotionally guarded? Lol I hate it when people play the "break down my walls to get to my heart" game. It's stupid. 2 and 3 big yikes. I would steer clear.
Maddie82 Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Agreed. Allot of red flags there. She's basically saying she is very manipulative with guys. Run.
schlumpy Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 It's never a good sign when your SO talks about past lovers and sexual antics. It means to me that they regard you more as a friend then a lover regardless of the sex. You may find out you are just a placeholder. 2
Juha Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 This woman is damaged, do not get into a relationship with her, never!! If you like the sex keep dating her but stay casual being prepared to exit at any moment, especially if she wants to take it to the next level. Women like this you play with, you never have something serious with them. She has a parade of red flags.... I wish you luck
beldar Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Been seeing this girl for the last 5 weeks I think that that's four weeks too many. Unless you're a masochist.
smackie9 Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Keep smashing but don't emotionally invest. Have fun while it lasts. 1
scooby-philly Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 If you're not looking for something casual or a fwb situation I'd leave. Even if you are, I would consider the fact that from what you shared this could turn ugly quick, even if she's on the same page as you. Don't let yourself get fooled into anything and don't consider investing emotionally. Especially given #2 - that's mean, cruel and it shows she has no consideration of others' feelings - not only because she did it but because she doesn't realize that's something a normal person would ever reveal let alone do. IMHO I'd run for the hills. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 No 2 is a huge red flag IMO. Strikes of immaturity, cruelness and actually lack of introspection or whatever that sharing this info with you makes her look bad, i.e. even if it happen at one point in the past, why share it when it makes her look bad to a guy she should care what you think? I think you should call her out for that one and tell her your negative feelings about it. You've always seemed like a cool guy. IMO, you are better than this person. Goodluck
Lotsgoingon Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 #1 is a huge red flag. I don't need to get to any of the others. Someone tells you they're closed and don't like being vulnerable--run. The entire point of a good romance is to open up to a partner and have that partner open up to you. Run.
Gretchen12 Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 There is a common theme among the four items listed and that is callousness. The callousness includes 1. emotionally unavailable. 2. cruelty, lack of empathy. 3. inconsideration of your feelings. 4. lack of family closeness and warmth. When someone is like that, the sex has no intimacy. What's the point of finding a romantic partner? Intimacy. Btw, I suspect her "male friends" are actually ex's, fwbs, or orbiters. That is, she actually doesn't have any friends. 1
ajequals Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 same here ,too much drama for you to climb over ..move along in my past the best relationships had both parents in their lives
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 I disagree with a couple of the other posters who say to use her for sex but don't get invested. She is a human being, probably dysfunctional, but still a human being. If you know these things bother you and consider them deal-breakers, get out now. 2
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 1, emotionally guarded? Lol I hate it when people play the "break down my walls to get to my heart" game. It's stupid. 2 and 3 big yikes. I would steer clear. Yeah this "game" turns into heartache for the other person. Had a couple guys tell me this, used it as an excuse to pull back completely. Then they don't look bad because they said they had emotional "walls". Playing w/people's feelings is bad all around.
Author DrNo1962 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Posted October 8, 2019 It's frustrating when this happens.....especially when you "feel" chemistry/connection on a first date. This "feeling" may be something they want you to experience so as to reel you in? I guess i'll just count my lucky stars that the signs were revealed rather early on.
Maddie82 Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 Is this the same girl you posted about a few weeks ago? The one that takes a long time to reply to texts?
Author DrNo1962 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Posted October 8, 2019 Is this the same girl you posted about a few weeks ago? The one that takes a long time to reply to texts? Correct it’s the same woman.
Author DrNo1962 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Posted October 9, 2019 There is a common theme among the four items listed and that is callousness. The callousness includes 1. emotionally unavailable. 2. cruelty, lack of empathy. 3. inconsideration of your feelings. 4. lack of family closeness and warmth. When someone is like that, the sex has no intimacy. What's the point of finding a romantic partner? Intimacy. Btw, I suspect her "male friends" are actually ex's, fwbs, or orbiters. That is, she actually doesn't have any friends. ThatÂ’s a really great observation. I wonder if it feeds into some sort of superiority complex. The reason is say that is when we had sex last week she let me know not many guys get the opportunity to be inside her (ie you did well to get to the promised land...)
Maddie82 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 So what are you planning to do? Will you stay with her regardless of these red flags and manipulative behavior?
Versacehottie Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Is this the same girl you posted about a few weeks ago? The one that takes a long time to reply to texts? good point....more manipulative, callous and immature behavior. Why sign up for this?
Gretchen12 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 The reason is say that is when we had sex last week she let me know not many guys get the opportunity to be inside her (ie you did well to get to the promised land...) Yikes! That comment of hers is wrong in so many ways. 1
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