Gaeta Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Why aren't you driving him straight the the hospital to see his child?? I don't know ANY father worthy of that name that wouldn't rush to the hospital to his child no matter that the mom is angry or not. So he has no money for his babies but he has money for hotel rooms, alcohol and cigarets......what a price this guy is! 1
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 (edited) Its not upto me to drive him there. Plus im probably still over the limit. Edited October 27, 2019 by Lucyjane86
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 And i dont think shes angry. Theyve been texting and i think hes convinced her that he never got the messages. Which he didnt because is phone was off
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 I know ive probably asked this before but im thinking that he actually doesnt want her back and thats why he turns his phone off or on airplane mode alot when hes with me, so she doesnt keep bothering him. But do you think that even if he actually is over her and just wants to be friends with her that by being friends they could still end up back together? I mean is there anyway that him talking to her could not be seen as a red flag?
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Lucy, what do you want in a relationship? What do you think makes a good boyfriend? And don't say 'I don't know' - if you don't know, think about it. When you think you know, a) tell us and b) assess how this man measures up.
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 Someone that loves and wants to be with me. To spend time together. Someone that puts me first and his happy to introduce me to his friends. He does all of that
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Someone that loves and wants to be with me. To spend time together. Someone that puts me first and his happy to introduce me to his friends. He does all of that That's a superficial answer, and it's obviously not enough or you wouldn't be here posting. For a start, you appear to need to feel secure in the relationship, and you don't. What things about you do you want to be loved for? What kind of characteristics should the man of your dreams have? Think more deeply about it. For example, I felt very lonely in my marriage because my ex did not enjoy my need for wide ranging conversation - he actually told me he thought I'd grow out of it! I want someone who wants to explore the world of ideas with me. And I need someone who can stand up to me and not let me get my own way all the time. Someone who can take charge and not expect me to do everything. Things like that. 1
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 I want someone that can do all the things he seemed to do with his ex. Spending time going out to places, going on weeks away and fun day trips. That will take me to his parents house. (Although that could all have been for the children and i dont have any) Someone with life goals like i have and a drive to further their career. I want my own business. Someone that makes me a better person and that i make them a better person.
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 I want someone that can do all the things he seemed to do with his ex. Spending time going out to places, going on weeks away and fun day trips. That will take me to his parents house. (Although that could all have been for the children and i dont have any) Someone with life goals like i have and a drive to further their career. I want my own business. Someone that makes me a better person and that i make them a better person. Anyone can go on trips. I used to go to places and 'weeks away' with my boss, doesn't mean I wanted to be with him. But you're starting to get their with 'someone with life goals like I have'. What are the characteristics in a person that makes them someone you want to spend time with? I value honesty, openness, curiosity, intelligence, humour, wide-ranging interests, drive/purpose, a sense of adventure, emotional depth (not asking for much, LOL). You?
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 Someone that can make me laugh. That can talk about anything. Especially their problems and hopes and fears
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Someone that can make me laugh. That can talk about anything. Especially their problems and hopes and fears Ok, so you like humour, conversation, emotional openness. You also said before you wanted someone career driven, with goals. Is your current guy emotionally open with you? Does he tell you his hopes and his fears? Does he have a clear career goal and plans to make it happen? Clue: these are rhetorical questions. The answer is no on all fronts. You know that his words and actions are not aligned when it comes to his ex, therefore he is not being emotionally open with you. If he's not being open with you, he's not telling you all his hopes and fears. And he's washing dishes and asking the mother of his children for money. That's not a man with aspirations and a plan.
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 But maybe in time he'll stop talking to her the same, as theyll have been broken up longer and we'll have been together longer
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 She is a symptom. He is the cause. What do you mean?
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 She's just a thing he's being shady about, the fact is he's shady. And tell me how a man who is literally taking from his children (asking ex for money) rather than providing for them, meets your bar of having career goals?
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 It doesnt but thats down to them what they do with money. I think hes mostly ignoring her today now. We've been out for a meal after the hotel and his phones been going crazy with calls and texts and he just looks and puts it away again
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 It doesnt Why are you seeing a man who does not meet your bar?
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 Because its early days still and he talks about his aspirations and things
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Because its early days still and he talks about ... ....bla bla bla. You can't pin your hopes on the idea of a man, you have to assess him on who he is RIGHT NOW. He will grow, and certain characteristics may recede /come to the fore over time, but he won't change hugely, unless he experiences a rare life-altering event of some kind. Right now, he's shady. He was shady about you when he was still with her, and now he's with you, he's shady about her to you and vice versa. He's not doing much with his life. He's not putting the effort in as a father, he's not doing much beyond talking on the career front by your descriptions of him, and he's not putting a lot of effort into your relationship. He's not open, you don't feel secure, and he doesn't meet more than one of your stated 'musts'. Why are you putting yourself through this?
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 Hes been putting more effort in lately. He introduced me to his friends, we've been going out to more places and he got a hotel last night for after the night out
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Right now, he's shady He's not putting the effort in as a father He's not doing much beyond talking on the career front He's not open, you don't feel secure, and he doesn't meet more than one of your stated 'musts'. Why are you putting yourself through this? I've crossed the one off that you had an answer for. Next?
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 I think his depression and anxiety hold him back alot but he never really talks to me about it
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 I think his depression and anxiety hold him back alot but he never really talks to me about it Someone that can make me laugh. That can talk about anything. Especially their problems and hopes and fears So again, I would ask.... Why are you seeing a man who does not meet your bar?
dramallama Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Lucy, I find your habit of nitpicking for the ONE tiny thing amongst a pile of others that you can find an argument for, and focussing your responses on that, really frustrating. Please will you tell me why you are seeing a man who meets so few of your stated criteria for the kind of man you want for yourself? 2
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