One of my old dates talked crap about me on Facebook?

[Alugo6340]

I'm back but I'm not gonna talk about how i just recently got rejected for the 13th time on a date from online since I decided to take a break from online dating for a few months. The last person I met up with was from 3 months ago. So if some of you reading thos hadnt read my other threads about guys running out early 20 minutes before the date really started and blocking me or making excuses to not see me for a second time then feel free to read my old posts otherwise you get the idea I'm sure. I met 15 guys in person from dating sites and yea most of them rejected me after a first meet up in some way but there are some I still talk to and today I'm gonna talk about a couple recent conversations I had with two guys I met up with from awhile ago.

 

I got a friend request from a couple months back from this guy i met up with 9 months ago and we only talked 3 days before meeting in person. He's from POF. I remember he told me I was beautiful when he met me in person and most of my dates dont compliment me but yea he just said on his own that I looked beautiful and he kissed me a handful of times on the lips and held my hand in a grocery store and this was a first date well kind of but more like a meet up I geuss. I was confident he was gonna ask me out again since he seemed really into me on the date and said he "definitely " will see me again. I know i made the mistake telling guys about my rejections from past dates and being hurt alot by them but he showed enough interest in me that I felt it was genuine. Anyone he made excuses about how busy he was after that so we get in an argument cause I didnt believe him and he blocks me.

 

I panick and message one of his friends on Facebook since we are friends on Facebook and i asked why ge blocked me idk I just got scared i guess and so he unblocks me and says "oh my god, you seriously just messaged my friend??? Not cool Ava not cool bye Felicia" then he blocks me again and then he unblocks me to apologize and i forgive him but then we get in another argument cause I told him he needs to say he's not interested instead of making excuses so he says something kinda rude or i don't remember but I went off on him and told him what a piece of **** he was and blocked him. When he sent me a friend request again months later, I accepted and got curious he probably said something on Facebook after our fight and i scrolled down on his Facebook page to after our fight and he posted "this girl sent me a nasty message and blocked me �� she's out of my life now and I couldnt be happier.

 

I never wanted to be with her anyway ��." When I read that my stomach dropped . im over this guy but he kissed me and held my hand and made me feel attractive and I just felt led on. He also got 17 comments on that post. Everyone likes him, he has alot of friends but I didnt read the comments cause my gut told me he was telling them "yea I felt bad for her and didnt know what to do, i didn't want to hurt her feelings so i kissed her and pretended i was having a nice time and i didnt find her attractive in person and instead of being honest with her , I told her I'm busy". When I told him I saw the old post about me, he got embarrased and said "oh dont read the comments and stuff, no one remembers that anyway, let's just be friends and start over." This guy isn't the type to just use girls for sex eighter.

 

He was the type to donate to charity and everyone on Facebook would talk about what a sweet guy he is or he seemed sweet and caring in his posts. He never mentioned anything good about me on Facebook but he mentioned how beautiful his other dates were or how much he really likes the other girls he's seeing. Thats the thing, guys im dating or seeing will never brag about how beautiful and amazing I am to their friends or on Facebook yet they do it with other girls and it hurts me everytime cause i feel like im not good enough. I feel like no guy has genuinely ever liked me. Guys will meet me in person and change their mind about wanting a relationship so then they ask me to be friends or theu ghost me but then a few months later i find out they got in a relationship with someone else.

 

I had this other guy who drove away after i took my sunglasses off and we kissed and i pulled away and as soon as i came back from the restroom he was gone and this was before the date even started. I would call him and text him and he didnt answer until the next day and told me he felt rejected cause i didnt seem into the kissing yet I told him to wait to kiss later on the first date but apparently he couldnt wait. We talk off and on on messenger and I blocked him eventually cause he kept asking for breast pics so I told him "you only like me for my boobs" and he said "yea so what's wrong with that?" I told him "I want you to like my face and personality too" he said "I do like your face but you never believe me" which i do have a hard time believing anyone who says nice things to me.

I had another guy who said i was beautiful but when we met in person I took my sunglasses off and he says "you dont look bad" wtf then he flirts with me for two days on Kik then blocks me. I had a guy i didnt meet tell me that i look cuter in my pics than my video but he believed it was the lighting. I had another thought I looked like i had special needs cause of my eyes? Idk I just told him i looked around alot in the video cause I was nervous. The video was so people had an idea how i look in real life. Some guys blocked me after the video and some didnt but maybe they felt bad cause i told them I didnt want them blocking me like others. It was just a short normal non sexual video of me.

 

I had a guy thats 29 tell me a couple days ago on this dating app that "your so frighteningly ugly you should kill youself!" He blocked me after that and i never met this guy in my life or said a word to him or rejected him he just brutally attacked me for no reason. It completely ruined my night. I was drunk and it still hurt when I read it and i stopped listening to music and went to sleep after that. It affected me alot cause why would a grown man insult me out of nowhere? I got random death threats on dating sites before too. I think im cute when i look at myself, im no model but i don't think im so ugly a stranger has to tell me to kill myself? I really want a boyfriend I think cause I have no supportive family and i live with a verbally abusive father who screams at me every day for trivial things and he's not even drunk when he does it and he wont apologize so I can try to get away from him but i cant afford to move out yet and all my siblings moved out long ago so yea a boyfriend I could at least stay with to get away from my dad would be nice but how can i do that if im so ugly most people dont want me?

 

I can try losing weight and see what happens but til then I been taking a break from dating. When i was 18 I was really cyber bullied on dating apps. I wasn't fat back then but maybe awkward looking. I got called "scary looking" and "hideous" randomly on my pictures on this site called Meet me which is really more like Tinder. I still get rude comments sometimes on my looks but online. If you guys have any experienced being cyber bullied yourself you can share. I dont know anyone but me whos been told they are so ugly they should kill themselves. I don't see myself as ugly as these guys see me and it cant be body dysmorphia if others confirm its true. I don't do any cultures and most of my pics are recent full body shots so they really are calling the true version of me ugly lol.

 

Anyway I feel better when I vent on here but i took some advice and will see a therapist next week but in the mean time the being told to kill myself cause I'm ugly is keeping me up at night and so is the guy i went on one date with that talked bad behind my back for some reason. I miss having a boyfriend and feel I'll never get one again due to my looks. My few relationships I had only lasted one month and he was the dumper. Anyway how can i trust guys with the good things they say to me and how would you feel with getting told your so ugly you should kill yourself by a random on a dating site?

Edited October 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

OK, the guys who tell women that they are so ugly they should kill themselves are trolls. Don't make the mistake of thinking that their words are about you - they undoubtedly say this to loads of women online. And I bet they are the same ones who troll female journos and bloggers with death and rape wishes. If any guy ever sends you something like this from Facebook, screenshot it. If you're really brave, send it to his mother and workplace. Then see what a snivelling little baby he is when his mom is furious and he's lost his job.

 

As for the guy who didn't want to date you after you told him how bad all men have treated you ....it was perfectly reasonable on his part. Someone who sees themselves as a victim to all past dates is too high risk to date. And you proved that concern of his when you argued with him when he told you that he was too busy to see you again. It may or may not have been true, but not accepting it graciously makes you look really nutty. The only thing he did wrong was contact you again.

[Flame Aura]

Oh dear Ava (I think that's your name?) I feel for you.

 

I need to ask you a question... are you happy with yourself? Or are there things that you wish you could change?

 

When you are happy with yourself, it won't matter what other people think.

 

One thing I have learnt in life is do not expect everyone else to be as polite/thoughtful/selfless/kind etc as you yourself are, as it will just lead to disappointment.

 

Understand that you are the prize here, regardless of what other people say. If someone does something you don't like, such as say rude things about you, or make excuses to see you, then take control of the situation. Understand that they are the ones who are not good enough for you. Why would you want to be with someone like that? You don't. So then you don't talk to them again. You don't unblock them. You don't accept their friend request again. You don't reply to their message. You don't need people like that in your life.

 

Focus more on yourself, how you feel, how they make you feel, rather than focusing on how they feel about you. Do not waste any time or energy on people that do not add happiness to your life.

 

As I said in one of your previous threads, one day you will find someone who appreciates you for you.

[smackie9]

I have to say this....it's your self loathing is what makes you vulnerable to peoples comments. You act or appear desperate and that pushes people away. It's a vicious cycle that will keep happening until you get some help and feel better about yourself. When you feel happy and complete with yourself and your life, that attracts positive people....they want to be around you and want to be with you.

 

I agree the first step is to not accept these people who treat you like crap. Know that they don't deserve your acknowledgement. Once you have healthy boundaries, you will gain more confidence. It's a win win.

[Alugo6340]

Thank you for the advice. I know I need to work on myself. I forgot to mention last week this other date that i haven't seen in a year and we only met up one time, I asked if he found me attractive in person and his response was "yea, your not too bad" like ouch that hurts. That actually cut me like a knife considering a few other dates have said the same and then others said i look like my pics so I dont get it. I dont know how one can look different in person with no filters or makeup and recent full body pics . i dont know how to respind when these same guys that said im cute say "you didnt look bad" act.

[basil67]

Alugo, you really, really need to stop asking men's opinions of your appearance. When you seek therapy, this is one of the first things you need to address.

Edited October 8, 2019 by basil67

[kendahke]

Thank you for the advice. I know I need to work on myself. I forgot to mention last week this other date that i haven't seen in a year and we only met up one time, I asked if he found me attractive in person and his response was "yea, your not too bad" like ouch that hurts. That actually cut me like a knife considering a few other dates have said the same and then others said i look like my pics so I dont get it. I dont know how one can look different in person with no filters or makeup and recent full body pics . i dont know how to respind when these same guys that said im cute say "you didnt look bad" act.

 

What do you want these men to say to you? If they don't think you're cute, then that's their interpretation--doesn't mean it's true unless you live up to being not attractive in how you behave.

 

You're too caught up in how you look to others and living for their responses.

 

I can tell you this: desperation is like chum in shark infested waters... these guys know on some level that you're desperate for validation on your looks and they see that as weakness, so they pounce on the neg tip.

[preraph]

Alugo, don't EVER tell guys how many times you've been rejected or how hard a time you are having dating. Always focus on your best qualities and stop just confessing your misery on these guys! It's like there's no point in even going through the motions if you are going to immediately give them a reason to think you're a loser!! All a guy wants from an early date is someone who is cheerful and laughing and lighthearted and fun and entertaining, not someone who unloads all their misery on them.

 

And don't ever stalk someone's friends or relatives who's not talking to you anymore. Between those two things you will never keep a boyfriend.

 

And like said above, of course, don't keep talking to people who treat you bad. But also, you are inviting bad people by telling them right away that you are a victim who has put up with a lot.

 

You probably need some therapy and get your self-esteem out of the ditch. You're going about dating all wrong. Dating is supposed to be fun and you're only supposed to keep seeing or talking to someone if it is fun and they are nice.

[Alugo6340]

Yea i know. I just hear other women telling stories how they get told they look beautiful in person or much better in real life so that might be why its bugging me so much cause I look in the mirror and think while im not gorgeous I'm more than just ok looking in my eyes. I think im kind of cute and i hope someone out there thinks I'm cute in person too so I can find love.

[Alugo6340]

What do you want these men to say to you? If they don't think you're cute, then that's their interpretation--doesn't mean it's true unless you live up to being not attractive in how you behave.

 

You're too caught up in how you look to others and living for their responses.

 

I can tell you this: desperation is like chum in shark infested waters... these guys know on some level that you're desperate for validation on your looks and they see that as weakness, so they pounce on the neg tip.

 

So your saying from my understanding that they could be saying I don't look bad cause they are trying to deliberately neg me or bring me down in some way cause I'm desperate and insecure?

[Alugo6340]

What do you want these men to say to you? If they don't think you're cute, then that's their interpretation--doesn't mean it's true unless you live up to being not attractive in how you behave.

 

You're too caught up in how you look to others and living for their responses.

 

I can tell you this: desperation is like chum in shark infested waters... these guys know on some level that you're desperate for validation on your looks and they see that as weakness, so they pounce on the neg tip.

 

 

So is it possible they say im not bad looking cause they know I'm desperate for validation? So they deliberately kind if insult my appearance or something like that? I understand what your saying, I read that "not bad looking " is a way to avoid hurting someones feelings or something you would say to someone who looks pretty busted. There's a definition for that word. It just sucks that was my biggest nightmare was me putting myself out there and despite having some one month relationships come out of online dating most just made me feel unattractive and hideous. I was hoping it was all in my head about being ugly like sone of those attractive cute/ pretty girls who thinks she's ugly then she puts herself out there and strangers are saying how much better she looks in person or how pretty she actually is but with me i randomly get called ugly online by guys i never messaged or even met yet my friend doesnt get those and she's like me, kinda fat. I get sone dates telling me im not bad looking but does that mean they think im ugly or hideous if they say that? I just dont know how different id have to look to get that type of treatment.its It's the same with the few dudes that left early before the date really started. I have no filters on my pics and my pics are recent full body shots, no close up selfies so idk why they would not find me attractive in person when i did my best to look like my pics. I even video chatted with some and they said im pretty or cute, in person they changed their minds. Like how different can you look from video chatting or recent body pics? I just wished I was one of those women who got told they look better in real life than basucally being implied the opposite. If guys you went on first dates with online said you weren't bad looking after thinking you were beautiful or pretty before the meet up, how would you feel with it?

[Twizzlestick]

Hey Alug

 

You’re dealing and talking with the lowest dredges of the barrel. The scum at the bottom. And you’re asking them for validation. I can tell you something, it isn’t in your head that you’re good looking.

 

The good thing is you seem to have enough self esteem left to recognise and believe that you are an attractive, cute woman. I can tell you you will be. What’s happening is not you.

 

I’ll tell you something. Certain types of, we shall call them “men” (they aren’t men. Btw, I’m a man myself) feel jealous and threatened by girls, especially if they’re attractive. When they spot weakness they like to insult. It makes them feel better to bring someone down about their weak miserable little selves. It’s exactly the same as school bullying, except they never grew past it.

 

I’ve matched with some good looking girls on tinder and they’ve shown me the horrific messages they’ve been sent by men. And believe me you’re not alone. Some of the messages are horrific.

 

Maybe talk to someone like a therapist or counsellor about these issues. It’s hard to come up for air without a little help and seems you have some deep self worth things going on. Stop online dating straight away. You’re not in the right headspace and you’re just open to being hurt by these people because you’re at the minute - vulnerable to it.

[basil67]

I think they are are being cagey about what they think because it’s really poor social skills on your part to ask them in the first place. I think thye are resisting being put on the spot by you. If a guy asked me the same thing on a first date, it would scream insecurity and I’d refuse to buy into the whole enabling of it. It would also make me unlikely to see him again.

 

Allow compliments to come naturally and accept them graciously.

[kendahke]

If guys you went on first dates with online said you weren't bad looking after thinking you were beautiful or pretty before the meet up, how would you feel with it?

 

First off, I don't give a rip what anyone thinks about the way I look.

Secondly, I wouldn't ask desperate questions about my looks to a stranger on a first, second, third, fourth, fifth, --ever-- date.

Third, people are going to think whatever the f. they want to think and I can't crawl up into their brains and direct traffic.

[stillafool]

Thank you for the advice. I know I need to work on myself. I forgot to mention last week this other date that i haven't seen in a year and we only met up one time, I asked if he found me attractive in person and his response was "yea, your not too bad" like ouch that hurts. That actually cut me like a knife considering a few other dates have said the same and then others said i look like my pics so I dont get it. I dont know how one can look different in person with no filters or makeup and recent full body pics . i dont know how to respind when these same guys that said im cute say "you didnt look bad" act.

 

For goodness sake why do you keep asking guys about your looks and telling them about how many times you've been rejected by other guys? This makes you appear unattractive, so just stop it.

 

I think you need to take a break from dating, work on your self esteem to the point that you don't need other's approval, then start dating again.

[Alugo6340]

First off, I don't give a rip what anyone thinks about the way I look.

Secondly, I wouldn't ask desperate questions about my looks to a stranger on a first, second, third, fourth, fifth, --ever-- date.

Third, people are going to think whatever the f. they want to think and I can't crawl up into their brains and direct traffic.

I hope to be like that someday. To not care what people think but it can be hard. When you said these guys might also be negging or something like that, were you saying they might also just be slightly insulting me on purpose cause they know it'll hurt or get to me?

[kendahke]

I hope to be like that someday. To not care what people think but it can be hard. When you said these guys might also be negging or something like that, were you saying they might also just be slightly insulting me on purpose cause they know it'll hurt or get to me?

 

You're a bright girl--you can figure that one out for yourself.

[stillafool]

It's annoying and insecure when people shop for compliments. They should be given freely that way you will know they are sincere.

[Alugo6340]

For goodness sake why do you keep asking guys about your looks and telling them about how many times you've been rejected by other guys? This makes you appear unattractive, so just stop it.

 

I think you need to take a break from dating, work on your self esteem to the point that you don't need other's approval, then start dating again.

 

I should add that some agreed to still go on a first date with me despite me telling them BEFORE the first date like a few days before the first date about my past and to let me know if they arent interested and they still go on the first date anyway so why do some still go on the date anyway?

I dont beg them to go eighter i make it sound like their free to stop messaging me. I should add that I don't do this during all dates and they all agree to go a first date with me anyway despite knowing about my bad experience with guys beforehand so if its a turn off why do they still go on a first date with me anyway? I usually ask the questions of "am i pretty?" after the date and the guy friendzones me despite saying "yes" and wanting a relationship before.

I only cried on 4 first dates cause i felt the guy didn't like me or I was picking up vibes he wasnt interested cause he was real quiet or didn't hug me like he said he would so in my head I start thinking he found me ugly in person so then i get humiliated and think their gonna reject me and then they do not long after.

What about one date that said the reason there was no second date was cause he felt too "high and mighty to date a thick girl" yet a year later he's kind of trying to reconnect and subtly flirt with me again? Although I did talk about a guy on that date he never mentioned rejecting me over insecurities or the two guys that say "im sorry " after I said "i hope you didn't find me ugly in person" , one of those guys later assured me i was still cute and even started saying sexual things.

I hope they were saying I'm sorry cause they felt bad about rejecting or ignoring me cause one said he felt terrible for ignoring me after our first date and i wasnt even talking negatively on that date but I guess I thought he was lying when he kept saying he was busy and we got in an argument.

He's also the same guy who made a post after I blocked him about how he's glad I'm out if hus life and that he never liked me anyway and he got alot of comments but I didnt read them cause i didnt want to see him saying anything about how ugly i am cause he knew about my bad past about rejection and being led and he still agreed to go on a date and i didnt talk about it during the date but we got in an argument a couple days after about me thinking he's not interested I'm seeing a post about him never liking me so i feel led on.

None if these guys say anything about rejecting me for my insecurities and alot of them agree to go on a first date after already knowing my bad luck with guys so why do they agree to see me still if its a turn off? Some people recognize me from my photos cause they ask "hey i think i seen you at frys before?" I work at frys but yea but I also had a frys shirt on in my pic so that means i look like my pics hopefully right?

[Alugo6340]

For goodness sake why do you keep asking guys about your looks and telling them about how many times you've been rejected by other guys? This makes you appear unattractive, so just stop it.

 

I think you need to take a break from dating, work on your self esteem to the point that you don't need other's approval, then start dating again.

 

I should add that some agreed to still go on a first date with me despite me telling them BEFORE the first date like a few days before the first date about my past and to let me know if they arent interested and they still go on the first date anyway so why do some still go on the date anyway?

 

I dont beg them to go eighter i make it sound like their free to stop messaging me. I should add that I don't do this during all dates and they all agree to go a first date with me anyway despite knowing about my bad experience with guys beforehand so if its a turn off why do they still go on a first date with me anyway? I usually ask the questions of "am i pretty?" after the date and the guy friendzones me despite saying "yes" and wanting a relationship before.

 

I only cried on 4 first dates cause i felt the guy didn't like me or I was picking up vibes he wasnt interested cause he was real quiet or didn't hug me like he said he would so in my head I start thinking he found me ugly in person so then i get humiliated and think their gonna reject me and then they do not long after.

 

What about one date that said the reason there was no second date was cause he felt too "high and mighty to date a thick girl" yet a year later he's kind of trying to reconnect and subtly flirt with me again? Although I did talk about a guy on that date he never mentioned rejecting me over insecurities or the two guys that say "im sorry " after I said "i hope you didn't find me ugly in person" , one of those guys later assured me i was still cute and even started saying sexual things.

 

I hope they were saying I'm sorry cause they felt bad about rejecting or ignoring me and not cause they are implying im still ugly in person cause one said he felt terrible for ignoring me after our first date and i wasnt even talking negatively on that date but I guess I thought he was lying when he kept saying he was busy and we got in an argument.

 

He's also the same guy who made a post after I blocked him about how he's glad I'm out if hus life and that he never liked me anyway and he got alot of comments but I didnt read them cause i didnt want to see him saying anything about how ugly i am cause he knew about my bad past about rejection and being led and he still agreed to go on a date and i didnt talk about it during the date but we got in an argument a couple days after about me thinking he's not interested I'm seeing a post about him never liking me so i feel led on.

 

None if these guys say anything about rejecting me for my insecurities and alot of them agree to go on a first date after already knowing my bad luck with guys so why do they agree to see me still if its a turn off? Some people recognize me from my photos cause they ask "hey i think i seen you at frys before?" I work at frys but yea but I also had a frys shirt on in my pic so that means i look like my pics hopefully right?

[Alugo6340]

Even if you thought the guy was good looking in person and asking how he looks would it still put you off and make you not want to see him for a second date?

[TheFinalWord]

Hello,

 

Well, it sounds like you are extremely sensitive to comments that people make. I do think you tend to think poorly of yourself, which is going to cause other people to think of you the same way. If you don't think of yourself as a catch, how can you expect others to? You have to get to the point that you see yourself as a high quality woman that a guy would be lucky to date. You can't expect complete strangers to boost your confidence for you. That's something you have to bring to the table, first. And then, slowly over time, the other person sees those traits about you and then they will convey the positive traits they see in you.

 

Now, here's a bit of harsh reality. You said you were "thick." The harsh truth is that if you are overweight, it will affect how men see you. Now don't get me wrong, there are tons of men that love bigger women, but the majority are more attracted to smaller to average size. The question is, if you aren't happy with your weight or if you want to improve your attractiveness, would you consider losing weight? If so, talk to your doctor. They can connect you to a nutritionist that can help you set up a plan.

 

A behavior you should avoid is becoming a social media detective. These guys that end up ghosting, ask yourself, why are you even connected on social media with them? Have they earned the right to see anything about your life yet? They're not your friend in real life. Also, you aren't going to find anything good, but it almost seems as though you want to find any sign to reinforce the negative image you have of yourself. Then when you find it you can continue to beat yourself up. Please stop researching these people's social media. Before investigating, ask yourself: "Is anything productive going to come from this?" If it's from someone that ghosted you or treated you like dirt, my guess there is no productive reason to even add them to your social media.

 

This next part, I don't intend to come across as mean, but I think you should know. It sounds like you set up all of these signs these total strangers must comply with in order to assure you that they find you attractive. Or that you convey your bad experiences with men before they've even met you. Do you know how strange that sounds to a guy? Or how that is taking something that is supposed to be fun, like a date, and adding stress and drama to the situation? He doesn't know you and you are already setting up all of these rules he has to follow. Then if he doesn't, your self-esteem is shattered. This is not a reasonable approach to dating and seeking a partner. Also, if you tell them of all your bad luck with men before they've even met you, that is going to make him think "hmm if all these other guys want nothing to do with her, why is that? There must be something about her." So they go in with their guard up already. You should know that making a guy feel bad for you or pity for you by conveying all your bad past experiences, is not going to raise their attraction for you. All you are doing is self-sabotaging.

 

Your a woman, so the beginning part of the dating process should be a lot easier than this, in terms of what you need to do. For future dates, don't talk about past experiences with men, don't set up rules about how they need to convey their attraction to you, and simply have a fun time on the date. Be outcome independent. Have a great time and if he contacts you for a second date, great! If not, so be it. Don't add him on social media so soon and don't try to figure out why you didn't get a second date. Just accept it for what it is, and keep circulating. Be fun, and stay positive. A guy does not want to deal with drama and stress. No matter how attractive a woman is, stress and drama will kill his attraction. If you are adding stress to him before he's had one date, an activity that is supposed to be fun, he's not going to contact you for a second date.

 

Keep your chin up and good luck!!

[Alugo6340]

I think they are are being cagey about what they think because it’s really poor social skills on your part to ask them in the first place. I think thye are resisting being put on the spot by you. If a guy asked me the same thing on a first date, it would scream insecurity and I’d refuse to buy into the whole enabling of it. It would also make me unlikely to see him again.

 

Allow compliments to come naturally and accept them graciously.

If the guy was good looking in person would you still feel put on the spot and feel like giving a cagey response? Would you still not want to see him again?

[stillafool]

If the guy was good looking in person would you still feel put on the spot and feel like giving a cagey response? Would you still not want to see him again?

 

No I wouldn't but I have rejected good looking guys before I was married because I didn't like their personality or didn't feel sexual attraction toward them. Good looks aren't everything. There are thousands of overweight, acne faced, bald, mentally ill people getting married every weekend. Are you only going after good looking guys? If so that may be your problem and maybe you should lower your standards somewhat.

[stillafool]

I should add that some agreed to still go on a first date with me despite me telling them BEFORE the first date like a few days before the first date about my past and to let me know if they arent interested and they still go on the first date anyway so why do some still go on the date anyway?

 

Why are you telling them about your past dating experience unless they ask? you have already lowered their expectations before they even meet you.

 

 

I dont beg them to go eighter i make it sound like their free to stop messaging me. I should add that I don't do this during all dates and they all agree to go a first date with me anyway despite knowing about my bad experience with guys beforehand so if its a turn off why do they still go on a first date with me anyway? I usually ask the questions of "am i pretty?" after the date and the guy friendzones me despite saying "yes" and wanting a relationship before.

 

Don't date guys who AGREE to go on a first date with you. Date men who are excited to take you on a first date. I must say if I were a man and you told me those things I would be turned off so much I wouldn't want a first date. I would just forget it.

I only cried on 4 first dates cause i felt the guy didn't like me or I was picking up vibes he wasnt interested cause he was real quiet or didn't hug me like he said he would so in my head I start thinking he found me ugly in person so then i get humiliated and think their gonna reject me and then they do not long after.

 

Why would a guy tell you he will hug you? Did you ask for that?

A lot of people don't show physical affection on a first date in order to be respectful. You should have been flattered.

 

 

What about one date that said the reason there was no second date was cause he felt too "high and mighty to date a thick girl" yet a year later he's kind of trying to reconnect and subtly flirt with me again? Although I did talk about a guy on that date he never mentioned rejecting me over insecurities or the two guys that say "im sorry " after I said "i hope you didn't find me ugly in person" , one of those guys later assured me i was still cute and even started saying sexual things.

 

You seem to only care about having your looks validated and that get's tiring.

By asking men about your looks you are putting them in a position to either hurt your feelings or lie. Most will lie to avoid hurt feelings and an upset. Do not talk about your looks, past dates or relationships when on dates. Find other interesting things to talk about. Some guys will have sex with women they don't particularly find attractive because they are hard up for sex. So if you have previously been rejected by a guy don't give him another chance. Block and delete him immediately.

 

I

hope they were saying I'm sorry cause they felt bad about rejecting or ignoring me and not cause they are implying im still ugly in person cause one said he felt terrible for ignoring me after our first date and i wasnt even talking negatively on that date but I guess I thought he was lying when he kept saying he was busy and we got in an argument.

 

He's also the same guy who made a post after I blocked him about how he's glad I'm out if hus life and that he never liked me anyway and he got alot of comments but I didnt read them cause i didnt want to see him saying anything about how ugly i am cause he knew about my bad past about rejection and being led and he still agreed to go on a date and i didnt talk about it during the date but we got in an argument a couple days after about me thinking he's not interested I'm seeing a post about him never liking me so i feel led on.

 

None if these guys say anything about rejecting me for my insecurities and alot of them agree to go on a first date after already knowing my bad luck with guys so why do they agree to see me still if its a turn off? Some people recognize me from my photos cause they ask "hey i think i seen you at frys before?" I work at frys but yea but I also had a frys shirt on in my pic so that means i look like my pics hopefully right?

 

There are a lot of creeps out there. After you blocked him why were you reading stuff he said? Move on.