snowcones Posted October 6, 2019 Posted October 6, 2019 If I remember you correctly, you strike me to be kind of "high maintenance" for a man. I think a woman with 3 small children is not the right one for you. Although, she needs love too, she will be busy and preoccupied and I'm sure things are hard enough for her and she probably isn't the one to play around with and decide later that you don't like it. 1
elaine567 Posted October 6, 2019 Posted October 6, 2019 Trail blazer despite his recent "player" stage is at heart a "provider", he is comfortable in that role. The protector, the father, the strong man about the house who fixes stuff... He has history of taking on step kids, so not really a surprise he finds this single Mom an attractive proposition. It may work out well. 1
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 6, 2019 Author Posted October 6, 2019 Alrighty then, ask your sneaky questions while doubting her ability to manage her own life. Good luck with that! I don't doubt her ability to manage her own life. But come on, there's more to it than what you're trying to make out. I've got experience here, so it's hardly unreasonable for me to exercise due dilligence before proceeding. It's nothing personal. I'm sure she's a great mom. Please, tell me something; why should I invest my time in someone who may not have the time to invest back in me? This isn't about what she thinks she can do, it's about me seeing the signs I should be wary of and not falling in the same traps as I did in the past.
preraph Posted October 6, 2019 Posted October 6, 2019 ^ You shouldn't. If there's one thing you cannot do anything about it's her having three kids. At best, you will be No. 4 in priority. That said, some few men don't mind a readymade family if they like family life.
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 6, 2019 Author Posted October 6, 2019 I've experienced that most women who have small kids will let you know up front (i.e. before you even ask them out). And if you do decide to go out together she will say something like "my kids always come first no matter what" which is code for "you'll always be second fiddle, no matter what" Yeah, that's true. You wouldn't expect them to put a new man before their kids. However, I guess one then must hope that there's enough to offer that even being second fiddle can keep you satisfied. From her "about me" on her POF bio: I have 3 daughters who are my greatest assests not liabilities So, she didn't go so far as to say something code for, "you'll play second fiddle, man" but it's still saying that her daughters are her life so one must accept them before they can wholly accept her.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 6, 2019 Posted October 6, 2019 It is my personal opinion that it's impossible to be 100% good at: 1. Being a great mom of 3 littles when you have them full time. 2. Being great at your job/business when you have 3 littles full time. 3. Being a great romantic partner when you have 3 littles full time. Impossible. There are only so many hours in the day. 2
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 6, 2019 Author Posted October 6, 2019 I seem to recall some of your issues from your last relationship stemmed from her being less available to you than she'd been in the early stages of the relationship. With three kids, that would seem like a good bet for something similar to repeat itself, even if she's trying to put effort into the relationship. Yeah, that's what happened. Except in my previous relationship my ex couldn't communicate effectively in times she felt stressed, so instead of actually addressing issues, she'd find ways to always be too busy with her son to talk about it.
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 6, 2019 Author Posted October 6, 2019 If I remember you correctly, you strike me to be kind of "high maintenance" for a man. I think a woman with 3 small children is not the right one for you. Although, she needs love too, she will be busy and preoccupied and I'm sure things are hard enough for her and she probably isn't the one to play around with and decide later that you don't like it. She's said in her bio that she's not in a rush to force a relationship. She wants to develop a good friendship before possibly moving forward. That's all cool with me. I've been through a bit myself, so I'm in no means in a rush to push for a relationship, either. However, I don't want to invest in someone who has a confliction between what they desire and what they can handle in practical reality. My ex was lonely and in the beginning told me how much she valued having another (male) adult around. She wanted someone to make her feel like she wasn't solely defined as a mother. She wanted to feel loved again, desired, which is what she got with me. She got her fix of having a man swooning over her, taking her (and her son) out for dinner, passionate sex, all of those things. It was as though I filled a need for a while and when I was no longer required I was expendable. If I commit to someone I do it with the view of long-term. One night stands are different, most of us have had those. That's not what I'm after here, nor am I thinking that this girl would be anywhere close to wanting a FWB scenario. She doesn't seem like the type. So it's a committed relationship (eventually) or nothing. Amd that's what I need to work out, whether it's worth my time investing into. 1
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 6, 2019 Author Posted October 6, 2019 Trail blazer despite his recent "player" stage is at heart a "provider", he is comfortable in that role. The protector, the father, the strong man about the house who fixes stuff... He has history of taking on step kids, so not really a surprise he finds this single Mom an attractive proposition. It may work out well. Whilst a lot of that is true, the reality is that the age demographic I'm looking to date (late 20s to late 30s) most women have a child. And the ones that don't, they're usually wanting to have kids soon, which isn't where I'm at. I'd find it a lot easier in a practical sense to date women without kids. I've been on a few dates with childless women. They didn't work out, not because they didn't have kids, we just didn't click as people. I seem to click with single moms as I have kids as well and we seem to have a lot it common which does revolve around kids. 1
SumGuy Posted October 6, 2019 Posted October 6, 2019 ... If I commit to someone I do it with the view of long-term. One night stands are different, most of us have had those. That's not what I'm after here, nor am I thinking that this girl would be anywhere close to wanting a FWB scenario. She doesn't seem like the type. So it's a committed relationship (eventually) or nothing. Amd that's what I need to work out, whether it's worth my time investing into. If that is what you want you are also to being in a committed relationship with her kids. Are you ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood with the complication you will not necessarily have much or any say in how the kids are raised, at least for some time? The key to making time is a good and reliable babysitter. Not that you need to make that decision now but it is necessary for any LTR here. And all of that will take time and a slow approach. Heck my kids are all late teens and I wait at least 3 months or more before I introduced to anyone I'm dating. Good news, when she has free time and wants to relax likely there will be no games. Your place could end up being a sanctuary away from the stress, definitively make her meals and let her put her feet up when she comes over. Sleep may be a thing she want to do the most
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 7, 2019 Author Posted October 7, 2019 If that is what you want you are also to being in a committed relationship with her kids. I understand that. Most of my dating life has been dating single mothers. I was in a 12 year relationship with my ex-wife, the mother of my children who had two children of her own from a previous relationship. I do not want to meet her children until we have something fairly substantial that will be a long-term thing. She doesn't seem like the kind of woman who has men come in and out of her life, so hopefully it's something she also agrees with but can still find the time to make it work for us to build something. All of this said, I haven't even gone on a first date yet. This is assuming the date goes well and both of us decide we'd like to move forward.
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 7, 2019 Author Posted October 7, 2019 It is my personal opinion that it's impossible to be 100% good at: 1. Being a great mom of 3 littles when you have them full time. 2. Being great at your job/business when you have 3 littles full time. 3. Being a great romantic partner when you have 3 littles full time. Impossible. There are only so many hours in the day. I totally agree! Lucky then, as I'm not looking for perfection. Heck, I'm far from perfect! I'm just hoping to find someone I can work with and we're a good fit for one another. 1
Veronica73 Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Don’t you have a kid, or kids as well? *confused-I must have misunderstood* Doesn’t your kid (or kids) come first as well? I guess the benefit of dating someone like her might be that she is probably strong and capable and responsible. And if you do have kids of your own she’d be very understanding of things that come up in regards to your kid/kids. Although, I’m not sure why I was thinking you had any. I may have gotten you mixed up with somebody else.
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 7, 2019 Author Posted October 7, 2019 Don’t you have a kid, or kids as well? *confused-I must have misunderstood* Doesn’t your kid (or kids) come first as well? I guess the benefit of dating someone like her might be that she is probably strong and capable and responsible. And if you do have kids of your own she’d be very understanding of things that come up in regards to your kid/kids. Although, I’m not sure why I was thinking you had any. I may have gotten you mixed up with somebody else. Yes, I have two kids. And of course, they come first as well. However, I share custody with my ex-wife. I still have time to date, whereas 'T' has 100 percent custody of her children and, therefore, may find the time to build a meaningful relationship without involving her kids early on, nigh on impossible. 2
Veronica73 Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Okay, thanks for the explanation. They way you’ve been talking about it, , and dating in general, it almost sounded like you are a single, childless guy. 1
Artdeco Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 That reminds me: At the beginning of my career, my first boss after college started dating a single woman with three (!!) young boys, and she was also a pro NFL cheerleader. That was like 20+ years ago. He was single. She was single. They married pretty quickly. I was kind of in the middle of it, because he would fly her in (for extended weekends) when we had customer meetings, or conferences all over the U.S. or even internationally. She sometimes even joined dinners with clients. She was a hoot! They’re still happily married! He never had his own kids, but accepted hers like they were his. They’re now all grown and out of the house. 1
mortensorchid Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 I am not a parent, at 44 I am too old for kids now. But I am seeing someone now with 3 kids all under age 12. I haven't met the kids yet. He is divorced for a year and his now ex wife is/was having a great time with her tattooed pizza boy and all the dudes she was cheating on him with. But... Others have asked me "Do you want to go from being a single, never been married woman to suddenly having 3 kids?! You want to be their Mommy?" I am still struggling with this. The kids come first and that's how it is. I am okay with that at this moment. Down the road? I don't know... One day at a time. 2
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 7, 2019 Author Posted October 7, 2019 @Veronica73: I share the glamorous parts of my life! Hahaha. I have plenty of days spent watching kids shows on Netflix with my 9-year-old daughter, or shooting hoops with my 13-year-old son. Those days are honestly the best days of my life. Finding a nice woman for companionship would be merely a bonus. 1
Gretchen12 Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Can it work? Of course!.. with some people. I think you don't lack info about her situation. You already know. You need to know yourself: your needs, expectations. What bothers you and to what extent, etc. Sometimes people don't know what they can or can't deal with until they're in the middle of it. You are probably asking questions because you already know something about yourself.
SummerDreams Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 OP the fact that you are doubting this possible relationship means that you know in your heart that your fears are true. If I was your friend I would advise you not to get involved with this woman . There are so many free childless wondn out there, there is no need to make your life more difficult and compromising in a relationship than it normally is.
Author Trail Blazer Posted October 7, 2019 Author Posted October 7, 2019 OP the fact that you are doubting this possible relationship means that you know in your heart that your fears are true. If I was your friend I would advise you not to get involved with this woman . There are so many free childless wondn out there, there is no need to make your life more difficult and compromising in a relationship than it normally is. True story: I was having a few drinks with a buddy of mine at a local bar Friday night. When I told him about how I was going on a date with a single mother of three, he did a double take, then the first thing he asked was, "So... what does she look like?" I showed him her POF profile and he said, "Dude! Yeah, okay... I get it now." Perhaps not the best advice, but you get the idea. I wouldn't just date any single mother with three kids. But children or not, I'm really keen to give this a shot. I really have nothing to lose. If it doesn't work, I walk. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If it does work out, giddy up!
SummerDreams Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 I'm really keen to give this a shot. I really have nothing to lose. If it doesn't work, I walk. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If it does work out, giddy up! That's what my cousin said when she started dating a 17 years old guy (she was 22 at the time) and now, 16 years later, they are married with 2 kids.
ajequals Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 I guess I'm wondering why you wish to get involved ?..with 3 daughters she has more than a full plate, you will always be the outsider... too much drama from what I can see from your post 1
stillafool Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Why don't you date single, child free women?
SumGuy Posted October 7, 2019 Posted October 7, 2019 Okay, thanks for the explanation. They way you’ve been talking about it, , and dating in general, it almost sounded like you are a single, childless guy. That’s what I thought as well. If you have kids of your own should get it.
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