mortensorchid Posted October 19, 2019 Posted October 19, 2019 Our world has changed quite a bit - nowadays everyone has to have 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet now because NO COMPANY or ORGANIZATION is hiring anyone full time to do ANYTHING anymore. Finance is a rough issue with everyone couplewise - couples either fight about sex or money, just like all crime is connected to either sex or money. I am a teacher, been teaching for 6 years now and I can't find anyone to sign the non-tax license in order for me to teach full time. Have I given up? No - I have worked in a group home in the mornings, being a substitute teacher, a morning proctor in a boarding school dorm, teaching online and privately tutoring, been a job coach training special people to work jobs (retail, restaurant, cleaning, etc.) and on the side I have driven for Lyft, Instacart and Postmates. I will not sit on my ass and do nothing after being fired from many jobs for either having a cavalier attitude, or having a loser tell me that he made a mistake and wasn't ready to get used to a new person and he wanted the woman who quit back. THere are many reasons how and why we are in the mess we are in today, but you can't let some stupid choices by others beat you down. 2
BluEyeL Posted October 20, 2019 Posted October 20, 2019 It took me four and a half years. During that time I earned my fourth college degree and became certified as a medical coder (toughest exam I ever took - much harder than ATGSB, GRE, or any college assignment ever). And those new credentials did nothing to get me a job in spite of being 'guaranteed'. The only reason I'm working again now is a 'perfect storm' of circumstances. Agism is real and it sux. Wow! Very impressive that you didn't go nuts during that time. You are one strong person! It is a big problem. I am 47 and although my husband and I are safe due to our special job circumstances (he's a business owner and I'm a professor), I start worrying about my family and friends working in the corporate world, I hear these stories more and more often. I think from our stories OP can tell that it's not that is something wrong with her BF, it's the age. Sometimes people around those who look for jobs at this age lose patience and start blaming them for not doing enough. It's sad, however, that a couple has to start under these circumstances. Now it's the time to just have fun and date and not deal with "life". It also may create some problems as in "I can't leave him now", which is what the OP is struggling with. And if he finds a job, for him, if he wouldn't want to continue the relationship "I can't leave her because she stood by me when I was going through hard times". But hopefully it'll work out. 1
greymatter Posted October 20, 2019 Posted October 20, 2019 (edited) As painful as it would be to be broken up with, I would never want someone who had lost feelings for me to stay with me. He is deserving of respect and honesty that he is not the one. If he were, you wouldn't be losing feelings for him during this period of adversity for him. I'm sure you already know this but you and any partner you form a long term partnership with will encounter adversity whether it be job loss, illness, accidents or other unexpected negative events. It could happen at anytime. You are seeing that he is not the one, because his situation resulted in you losing feelings. Don't stay with him out of pity. Your feelings also need to be honored. If you don't feel love for him anymore, you owe it to yourself (and him) to break free. You have a right to walk away and take care of yourself. Edited October 20, 2019 by greymatter Added a thought 1
Malin889 Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 You are not a bad person. You are human. You don’t owe him anything and it sounds like you’ve been incredibly supportive already. Do you think you will feel better about the relationship once he finds a job? Is he down and depressed? What is making you change your feelings for him?
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