ljn1650 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 -When he talks about his previous life with his ex, he still refers to them as 'we' (they broke up 8 years ago) -he doesn't see his daughter (hasn't been i contact with her for 5 years) and tells me he isn't ready to tell me why yet. blames his exes family. -he has never invited me over to his place, says he is too embarrassed by what it looks like but tells me he is working on it. Has suggested we stay the night in a hotel. -he told me he doesn't have any friends (outside of work friends) because he ends up pushing people away. -when he spends too much time alone, he completely shuts everyone out. -all this and he still says he absolutely wants to escalate things with me and date. -my guts is telling me i do not want to date this man anymore, but i feel guilty.
amaysngrace Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 What do you feel guilty about? You have every right to say, “nah, he’s not good enough for me.” 1
Maggiemay1 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 It doesn’t matter whether I or anyone would date this person. We don’t know him? You do! The question is would YOU date this person and more importantly WHY? One thing that does concern me is why he would suggest a hotel ? Perhaps he is not so much embarrassed about his place but more about that he is in a live in relationship ? And what’s your story? Why can’t he come to your place rather than a hotel?
fromheart Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Always follow your gut. 'We,' would have me out of the door.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Nope. Not seeing his child would have had me out the door. In fact, it did once. It was the reason I would not date someone. 2
Blind-Sided Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 (edited) there's a few red flags for me in that. The first one is the hotel thing. There is all kinds of issues with that. (lying about someone at home, or just looking for a conquest) The next is the messy house. For me... a relatively clean house has been a top priority because my ex said "This place will fall apart without me." So, I make sure to keep it presentable at all times. Also, since you never know where or when you may meet someone... it needs to be clean enough to be able to show someone. Not talking to his kids doesn't seem right either. There could be more to that story that you don't want to be part of. Or, if nothing else... just shows he doesn't have a good family attachment. As above... it's up to you... but I would stay away. Edited October 5, 2019 by Blind-Sided
Cersei Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Have you been out on dates in public before? He sounds still married or with someone else.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Is this a trick question? Of course I would not date this person. I bet any money his wife wouldn't approve, either. 1
FMW Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 (edited) -he still refers to them as 'we' He hasn't detached from her, do you want to be competing with another woman? -he doesn't see his daughter There is no acceptable reason for this -he has never invited me over to his place He's got a wife or girlfriend at home -he told me he doesn't have any friends Unable to maintain relationships, why would you think he could maintain one with you? -when he spends too much time alone, he completely shuts everyone out. Are you ok with him doing that to you? In case my answer isn't clear - NO. I would not date this person. BTW, all of these points fit very well with him being married - explaining away why you can't see where he lives, will not be meeting his friends or family, and why he may disappear without warning. Edited October 5, 2019 by Finding my way 1
smackie9 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 You feel guilty because you feel sorry for him.....stop it! He's single because he's never gotten over his divorce....ick. 1
preraph Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 All huge red flags. You should start by running a background check on him. Sounds like he did something bad, bad, bad. I wouldn't stay with someone with all that on their plate.
stillafool Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Please explain why you feel guilty? For what, not getting involved with someone you know you aren't compatible with?
Versacehottie Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 No....and there's no way guilt would play into it.. Guilt presumes he has a place in your life that is more important than it is and more important than your own place in your own life. Why in the world would you let someone else decide how your life plays out? This is a choice that is fully your own.
Author ljn1650 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Posted October 11, 2019 (edited) Nope. Not seeing his child would have had me out the door. In fact, it did once. It was the reason I would not date someone. I think you're right, I am struggling to think of an acceptable reason why he wouldn't see his child? Particularly as he tells me he's not ready to tell me what happened. Edited October 11, 2019 by ljn1650
Malin889 Posted October 11, 2019 Posted October 11, 2019 What are you feeling guilty about? If you don’t want to date him, don’t date him. It does sound shady that he refers to his girlfriend as we and won’t allow you to his house— a bit of a red flag.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 11, 2019 Posted October 11, 2019 You have a dangerously malfunctioning guilt alarm system. Take out the batteries, pull it out of the wall, throw it onto the floor and take a hammer to it. Then sue the company that sold it to you.
vv3469802 Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 Have you been out on dates in public before? He sounds still married or with someone else. That makes sense.
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