LisaMara Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Hello everyone I met a guy on tinder and first texted with him daily for about a month. We talked about everything and anything and in my opinion really connected. We then went on two dates which were very nice. We spent 3-4 hours talking on each date and he texted me that he had a wonderful time both times. So far nothing physical happened yet though. Personally, I really like him and have started to lose interest in other guys I have been on a date with and am chatting with on tinder. However I have realized he is still dating other women (he's changed his tinder profile a couple of times) and I saw him in the city with another girl (he did not realize I saw him though). In the last couple of days our texting has unfortunately also faded a little. He works as an emergency doctor in the hospital so he does have a very crazy work schedule and is a busy person. However he didn't text me today and yesterday even though he had the day off (I wrote the last text, so I feel like it's his job to initiate conversation again). What should I do? He asked me on another date last Friday but I had already made plans with friends. Should I try to initiate another date next week? Should I initiate texting again (I was the one to initiate it the last couple of times). I'm not sure if I should just assume he is not that interested or if I should actually try and push things further. Since I do really like him (which doesn't happen to me very often), I would like to, but I'm not sure if it's wise for a girl to chase a guy. All in all I'm not sure what it means when guys date multiple people... It's not really my style personally but then again we have only been on two dates so far.
Maggiemay1 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 An emergency Dr only works 40 hrs per week the same as a nurse or any other shift worker, whether that is cleaning toilets , bar work , other hospital workers. I’ve no doubt that he is busy while at work but why are you excusing him for being busy the other 128 hours a week when he is NOT working? May I ask why you messaged him daily for a month and why you thought there was a connection before meeting him? A connection can only be determined on a meet. And you have now met him twice but seemingly no connection in person? My best guess is that he realised that and you didn’t?? 1
elaine567 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 He asked me on another date last Friday but I had already made plans with friends. Why prioritise your friends over a guy you liked a lot, the kind of a guy you don't often meet?
Blind-Sided Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Why prioritise your friends over a guy you liked a lot, the kind of a guy you don't often meet? I agree with Elaine. If you met a successful person, and you are in the early stages of dating... then your friends will understand.
Maggiemay1 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Why prioritise your friends over a guy you liked a lot, the kind of a guy you don't often meet? I can only hope that this comment was sarcasm? This guy does NOT contact her on his days off , she has admitted to initiating the contact mostly and now you are suggesting she doesn’t meet her friends to make herself available to him on the one day he suggests? Why? 1
elaine567 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 It wasn't sarcasm. Last Friday she turned him down when he asked her out on a date, now on his days off he hasn't bothered contacting her, I don't blame him. In order to show interest a guy has to get some interest back. By turning down the date and essentially telling him her friends take priority, she showed low interest, so now he has other things to do... Also Friday night is often seen as a prime dating night, so he probably assumed she was seeing another guy on that night. No-one is suggesting she bin her friends willy nilly but if she wants something, she has to do all in her power to get it. She took him for granted, it was a mistake. 1
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 When you declined for Friday did you offer another time? if you haven't then he concluded your interest was low. See how you lost interest in other men because of him, it's possible he's losing interest in you for the benefit of another woman, it's not something you can control. You can put chances on your side by showing a sustain interest by going on dates with him and letting him know you're available time. 1
FMW Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Go ahead and text and say something like "since we were unable to get together last Friday, are you available to schedule something another time?" If he doesn't go for it after that, I would let him go. It's early on - don't let yourself get too invested in how things turn out. Either you continue getting to know each other, or you don't. No big deal either way.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Two dates in a month? (Texting is noise.) Doesn't sound like you guys have any momentum.
alphamale Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 LisaM, physicians are notorious for dating multiple women at the same time. He won't stop doing this so if you want to be in his "rotation" stable then good for you. Doctors have hundreds, if not thousands, of girls running after them. 1
stillafool Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 I agree with Alpha, this guy has more women chasing him than he knows what to do with. You will just end up in his rotation. He's dating so much that his attention towards you are already miles in the past.
smackie9 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 You discover he is very actively dating and that hasn't changed even tho you went on a couple of dates and talked for over a month. There has been no physical contact, and he's never contacted you or even tried to see if you were available on his days off. What does that tell you? He's not the guy you are looking for even tho he's a doctor, and got all the goods. Better luck on the next one.
Flame Aura Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 If I really liked a woman and went on 2 great dates the last thing I would be doing is meeting other girls or updating my dating app profiles. Instead I would be giving her my full attention and trying to make her feel special. He's not that into you. 2
central Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Even in-demand men may want to find a permanent partner. However, they have more options than most other men, and of course will use that to their advantage to find someone great. They don't need to settle. So, if you think he's a good match, then you should show clear interest. He may feel like there are other equally good prospects who ALSO show more interest in him. So step up your game or lose by default. It may not change things, but you'll have tried. Worst case, you now know what kind of man it takes to capture your interest and make you lose interest in lesser prospects. 1
Author LisaMara Posted October 5, 2019 Author Posted October 5, 2019 Wow you guys are all really pessimistic. But I get it, I think you might be right that he's not all that interested right now. However I feel like I don't want to judge him too early. There's nothing wrong with going on different dates with different women, especially since we are nowhere close to being exclusive. As for dumping my friends too meet him: I'm sorry but I would never do that. I had planned this evening for several weeks and I'm not gonna prioritize a guy over my friends. As for me not showing enough interest in him: I think you all are right about that. I should've suggested another time for a date next week when I declined his invite on Friday. I tend to show too little interest and to be too passive in dating (and life overall). I really need to work on that. I'm honestly just not aware of it sometimes. Btw, he just texted me today to ask how my weekend was going. So I'm gonna text back and try to set up another date. I think only time will tell his level of interest in me. Oh and @maggiemay1 I don't know what country you live in but where I live (Germany) doctors definitely work wayyy more than 40 hours a week. Also, I guess doctors do have many girls chasing them. But you know what? I'm a pretty good catch too. I'm not going to let this intimidate me. Thank you all for your responses. I wanted to get some neutral opinions on the situation and although I don't agree with everything that was said, I appreciate your input and taking the time to answer me. 2
kendahke Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 At only two dates, there is no "job" and there is no devotion owed on his part. If you want to go out with him, you need to get off this "it's his job to contact me first" mess and set it up.
alphamale Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Even in-demand men may want to find a permanent partner. of course, but they will still have hussies on the side 1
elaine567 Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 Not all doctors are swimming in women, doctors come in all varieties. Yes some are players, others are in stable relationships and some can't get a woman no matter how hard they try, just like everyone else. Some women see the long hours and total commitment to the job as a total turn off... 2
SumGuy Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 It wasn't sarcasm. Last Friday she turned him down when he asked her out on a date, now on his days off he hasn't bothered contacting her, I don't blame him. In order to show interest a guy has to get some interest back. By turning down the date and essentially telling him her friends take priority, she showed low interest, so now he has other things to do... Also Friday night is often seen as a prime dating night, so he probably assumed she was seeing another guy on that night. No-one is suggesting she bin her friends willy nilly but if she wants something, she has to do all in her power to get it. She took him for granted, it was a mistake. Exactly. He doesn’t sound desperate and why would he follow-up with someone with low interest. And if a doctor or nurse they work more much more than any nominal hours would imply. Back to back shifts, on call, 10 and 12 hour shifts, grueling stuff.
chillii Posted October 5, 2019 Posted October 5, 2019 (edited) If I really liked a woman and went on 2 great dates the last thing I would be doing is meeting other girls or updating my dating app profiles. Instead I would be giving her my full attention and trying to make her feel special. He's not that into you. Yep , this is about it imo. Thing is you connected well in those ways yeah but sometimes you can really get a long like that but there's just no romantic fire to spark up more l'd say is likely the thing. lt might've come along if that last date went ahead , but l'm thinking even if it did it probably wouldn't have went far from there anyway, he just doesn't seem to be feeling it in that way sorry. Edited October 5, 2019 by chillii
Recommended Posts