BJP1991 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Take a break from dating women? I don’t seem to have issues getting dates, usually through OLD and some through social circles. Lately, I’ve found when I go on a first or second date, I am mistakenly putting a lot of value in the outcome, when I know I should be indifferent. For example, had a good first date a few days ago. Day after the date, got a thank you text from the girl. Exchanged 1-2 texts, then when she said she would “like to do it again”, I took that chance to ask her if she was available next week or weekend. Nearly a day later, still no reply from the girl. For some reason it’s legitimately got me down, which makes me wonder if I should take a break from trying to date new women and focus on myself more for a few months. I’d keep making dates with any girls I’ve already met or who show high interest, I just wouldn’t go out of my way to score dates with new chicks. I have a good third date lined up tonight, which I’ve already hooked up with once, however my mind this morning is thinking about the girl from earlier this week, who still has not gotten back to me. Thoughts/experiences? I hate quitting or giving up, but maybe some time off to improve myself would be good.
preraph Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 You might hear from her yet. She might have had tentative plans with someone else she needed to either confirm or cancel first. But if not, she's one of those flakey people who can't just let you know you're not for them and ghosted. But give her another day. 1
scooby-philly Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 OP, There's a lot to unpack there. A bit more information and exchanging of info would be valuable to provide better feedback. Are you simply asking because you haven't heard back from this one chick? If you really like someone it can be a drag. Perhaps you just need to focus on the one date you do have. If you've already hooked up with her then you should be excited to see her... Or...is there something larger going on underneath it all? If you've got a third date with someone you've hooked up with and your regretting not hearing back from someone else for a second date, maybe you're putting too much self worth into the dating process? People can burn out if they put too much energy and/or self-worth into dating. When I've been single before, as I found myself again now, dating is like exercise. TO be healthy you have to keep a balance - too little and there's minimal impact. Too much and you can cause problems - you get addicted, you see your self worth only in the size of the muscles you build (or the # of dates you have or the "quality" of the women you score). And you don't need a gym to exercise - just as you can go hiking, play tennis, etc., don't put all of your eggs into one dating basket. Mix it up. Use an app or website, but also just do some things you interested in and see what happens there. If what you shared is true and you don't have problems getting dates then maybe you're experiencing a restart - you keep searching for x with your mind when your heart/gut wants y. And you don't have to "quit" to focus on yourself and make improvements. They're not mutually exclusive. But you can dial back the energy and time you devote to intentionally trying to find dates versus seeing what happens organically when you focus on you. 1
Author BJP1991 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 You might hear from her yet. She might have had tentative plans with someone else she needed to either confirm or cancel first. But if not, she's one of those flakey people who can't just let you know you're not for them and ghosted. But give her another day. Yeah, I’m not writing her off completely yet, however it’s a bit off-putting. Perhaps I was wrong to ask next week/weekend and plan something sooner? She did say she would “like to do it again soon”, and maybe next week isnt soon enough? That’s silly, in my opinion. Either way, taking almost a day to reply to a question like that is a bit annoying. This day in age, and people in my age-range (mid/late 20s) are never without their phones. Did I come off too needy/wanting by jumping at the chance to ask her out again? I mean, she seemed receptive of the idea until I actually asked it. I suppose I need to look at what she “does” and not what she “says”. Mostly just looking to shift gears and be in the right mindset for my date tonight with a girl I genuinely am interested in. 1
preraph Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 I don't think you did anything wrong or sounded needy. But do realize not everyone texts right back or needs to check with someone or something first about their schedule. If you don't hear from her in the next day or two, assume she's ghosted. But don't be put of just because someone doesn't text you right back. It's just different habits.
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 If you feel like you need time for yourself take it. Being detached & not too emotionally invested in early dates is best. Being indifferent is a bridge too far. You could probably stand to place less value on the dates. Just take every early encounter with a let's see attitude.
rightondude Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 nah don't take a break. Just keep at it until you meet Ms. Right or you're numb from the process and don't let it get to you any longer.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 Disappointment that someone doesn't respond to our interest is not necessarily a sign that you are doing something wrong. Disappointment and heartache are part of the process. Keep going.
Author BJP1991 Posted October 4, 2019 Author Posted October 4, 2019 Well, she did get back to me mid morning yesterday, saying she was free any day next week to go out. I texted her back 4-5 hours later (I was busy at work), with a plan for the date and a time. Also offered to pick her up since we live near one another. Now today, 12+ hours later no response to that message either. I’ve seen this a couple times before. Early on a girl takes many hours or even a full day to text back, but when they do, they seem happy to go along and accept the date and seem positive about it. But, what gives? When a girl likes you, the usually make it easy for you. So I have to assume low interest. Thoughts? Also, how to proceed? I assume I will hear back from her eventually, but the length it is taking tells me it’s not just someone being “busy” - a full day is either game playing or low/no interest.
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 She's lukewarm at best. Stop giving her emotional real estate in your head. Go pursue somebody else & see what happens.
Twizzlestick Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 I would be inclined to let this one slide. I take a long time to reply as usually busy, but she’s taking a day or more. If she finally comes back and wants to meet you could just say you’ve changed your mind :D. (Truth actually ha). You could go ahead with the date but be aware it’s prob with someone who’s like warm at best so likely a waste of time. I’d let it drift.
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