Logo Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 I wasn’t sure how to phrase the title, but would you prefer to be single or date someone that you can only see once a week due to the distance between you two?
basil67 Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 If it was usually Friday night through to Sunday lunch, roughly alternating at each others homes with a maximum of 1.5hrs travel, then I'd probably do the distance indefinitely. I use the words 'usually' and 'roughly' because sometimes stuff comes up. If he lived by the beach or snow, then it would be a no brainer.
Foxhall Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Once a week is perfect for me, I like my own space, not sure how Id handle a full on every day relationship, If I want to get married I will have to adjust I suppose. lol, I dont think I would be comfortable if my girlfriend read this post or some of my other posts, hmmn food for thought for a new thread "Do you mind if your partner reads what you write here"
Author Logo Posted October 2, 2019 Author Posted October 2, 2019 (edited) Basil67, Let’s take Friday night through Sunday afternoon as an example, for how long can either person do that? What about time for friends and family? I mean, it’s an ongoing thing. Does one alternate friends and family too? Foxhall, I feel that I would need at least a midweek meeting too. Edited October 2, 2019 by Logo
Flame Aura Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 This is a joke right? If you can see each other once a week then there is no distance between you. My girlfriend lives about 1-1.5 hours away from me (same city) and we see each other about once a week. I have been in actual long distance relationships where they were a 6-8 hour flight away and saw each other every 4-8 weeks. That's a distance relationship.
kendahke Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 or date someone that you can only see once a week due to the distance between you two? No. That's a waste of time to me. Once a week becomes once every 2-3 weeks, then once a month, then once every 2-3 months and then they've met someone around the corner they want to pursue. So no--I'd rather be single that deal with logistics and traffic.
dramallama Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Basil67, Let’s take Friday night through Sunday afternoon as an example, for how long can either person do that? What about time for friends and family? I mean, it’s an ongoing thing. Does one alternate friends and family too? Foxhall, I feel that I would need at least a midweek meeting too. I'm navigating this right now, as the guy I'm dating lives a 90 minute drive away. We managed 2 dates in one week, then it's been 2 weeks between the subsequent 2 due to our schedules. I wouldn't entertain it unless someone seemed special, because it is harder. You can't be as spontaneous and yes you've got to juggle friends and family too, but it just takes a bit of planning. I think once you get past that early stage and you start introducing people to friends and family it all makes it loads easier as then you can combine plans rather than having either/or. If you're dating just for fun, then no, don't date someone at a distance; but if you're dating for a relationship and you're both aligned in your goals and open to moving closer to each other in the future, why not try?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 I'm the type who would be perfectly fine with a once a week date. It's how I feel now. Maybe I'll feel differently in the future. 2
Gaeta Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 I did it in the past and would not do it again. Seeing someone only on weekends isn't a good set up to really get to know them.
vla1120 Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 I'm with CautiouslyOptimistic. I think I'd be fine with once per week, at least until the relationship moved to the next level (if it does.)
Mrin Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 I live 4 hours away from my fiancé. For most of our 5 year relationship we saw each other every other week (for a week each time). Now we are together 3 out of every 4 weeks and will be that way for 4 more years. Honestly - it all comes down to communication and commitment. It can be difficult for sure but you also get ample "me time" with which to do all the "me" stuff. So when you're together you can really be together and not doing "me" stuff together. I hope that makes sense.
scooby-philly Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 I'm navigating this right now, as the guy I'm dating lives a 90 minute drive away. We managed 2 dates in one week, then it's been 2 weeks between the subsequent 2 due to our schedules. I wouldn't entertain it unless someone seemed special, because it is harder. You can't be as spontaneous and yes you've got to juggle friends and family too, but it just takes a bit of planning. I think once you get past that early stage and you start introducing people to friends and family it all makes it loads easier as then you can combine plans rather than having either/or. If you're dating just for fun, then no, don't date someone at a distance; but if you're dating for a relationship and you're both aligned in your goals and open to moving closer to each other in the future, why not try? I think it comes down to three things: 1. What do you both mean when you say "relationship"? 2. What do you both truly want right now and a sense of what you want down the road 3. Equal levels of commitment, communication, flexibility, and understand I think the last point from dramallama is worth noting here. Some people will be fine with once a week if they are still recovering in some sense from heartbreak or working on things, they don't know what they want, they're very independent, or there is chemistry but you want to wait till you're both ready for the "discussion". But in that last case, you have to be aligned on the short-term and long-term goals. I think regardless of the reason, once you hit like two or three years you need to make a decision. Most people would not want to do that forever. And most people wouldn't define 3 or more years of ldr as a relationship if there's no plans for the long-term. Again, maybe a few exceptions, but generally one or both parties will have a change in feelings or life circumstances that will bring things to a head. Just got out a ldr - 2 hr drive away. I thought we were compatible on #1 and #2, but turns out we weren't and there was a lot of imbalance on #3. And as dramallama said - if it's just for fun - is it really worth the hassle of coordinating schedules and competing interests at such a distance? Maybe it will work for a short-time, but most of the time even "fun" gives way to convenience.
Twizzlestick Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 This is a joke right? If you can see each other once a week then there is no distance between you. My girlfriend lives about 1-1.5 hours away from me (same city) and we see each other about once a week. I have been in actual long distance relationships where they were a 6-8 hour flight away and saw each other every 4-8 weeks. That's a distance relationship. Tell that to girls in the U.K. (I wish you could) ha. I’ve had ones an hour drive away say “I don’t do long distance” 1
scooby-philly Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Tell that to girls in the U.K. (I wish you could) ha. I’ve had ones an hour drive away say “I don’t do long distance” Yeah - I think it's definitely culturally different in countries across the world. 1-2 hrs here in the US isn't a big deal as it takes that long to get from one side to another side of a major metro area. 1
Flame Aura Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Tell that to girls in the U.K. (I wish you could) ha. I’ve had ones an hour drive away say “I don’t do long distance” I live in London. I'm West and girlfriend is South so it about 60-90 mins via public transport depending on the day/time. We make it work, not a problem. 2
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Single for sure. I'm not a clingy person, but have had a long distance relationship. That def soured that perspective for me and completely wasted my time. I want someone I can see quite often, after all if we get married, we will see each other all the time.
chillii Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 (edited) Never wasted my time dating as such , l was always very selective and with a very good eye for what l like and need and of what we've thought of each other straight off. l'm one of these instant types , it is or it isn't, full stop. So even back before l was married l never dated people and l really can't even imagine how so many round here put themselves through it. l met girls/women, back then and later after marriage but l've had no need to date as such it's been either a given and takes off all it's own or it wasn't. Single / together , yeah been through a lot on that one since my marriage and getting use to being on my own again after all those years. But l miss my woman more and more lately these days when she's not here , us, and when l'm alone now l must admit it feels pretty nothing compared. So over all l'm preferring much preferring life as a couple again lately. Edited October 3, 2019 by chillii
carhill Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 I don't need to be joined at the hip and lived most of my life 'distant' geographically. I used to chuckle back during the heyday of online dating that there were ten women available within ten miles. My wife was sixty miles away when we dated.
basil67 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Basil67, Let’s take Friday night through Sunday afternoon as an example, for how long can either person do that? What about time for friends and family? I mean, it’s an ongoing thing. Does one alternate friends and family too? For me, it was pretty normal to have SO with me when I saw my friends and family...and when he saw his. Anyway, I most see my BFFs on weeknights, so no, it wouldn't be a problem for me. A guy who couldn't/wouldn't integrate me into his is a FWB, not a relationship.
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