MoonageDaydream Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 I've known my boyfriend "Jim" since June last year when he got into law school. I became friends with him around February this year because we were always in the library together with the same group. He had an on-and-off girlfriend of 7 years. They broke up in April or May. Jim and I got close around July. Even though we kind of helped each other out with our personal issues, I never knew the details of his last relationship and its end. 2 months ago, he confessed to having feelings for me and asked me out, so we started dating. He was going too fast for my liking - said he'd been in love with me for a while, that he intends something long term, introduced me to his friend as his "girlfriend" and asked for a DTR after a WEEK. I told him to dial down and he did. But I do get carried away when we talk about our future. Other than all of that, this relationship has been amazing and being with each other feels natural. I told him I felt like a rebound and I was still in the dark about his ex. He had a toxic relationship with his manipulative ex and he felt nothing when he broke up with her since he'd fallen out of love a long time ago (strange, he told me he was trying to "get over" this breakup when we were still friends). He insisted I'm not a rebound and he is genuinely happy with me because he has never felt this loved and cared for before. I'm still having doubts and I wish I gave this more time before agreeing to make it official. He's been too loving and sweet and it reeks of rebound. His close friend from college told me Jim has never been this happy before in a relationship, but does that really mean anything? TL;DR My boyfriend who I've been friends with for months started dating me in August shortly after he ended a 7 year LTR and I've been having doubts about being a rebound because he's been moving too fast and being too loving and sweet.
kendahke Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 You are a rebound. Proceed very slowly with him, if at all, so that you're not taken on a painful ride.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Yes you are most likely a rebound relationship. Here's the red flag ... of you being a rebound AND of something being off about where this guy is emotionally. He dated his ex for 7 years ... and says he felt nothing when they separated? Excuse me ... he felt nothing? We got a few options here and none of them are good. 1. He's a psychopath who doesn't really feel human emotions. or 2. He's passive and lazy in relationships such that he would date someone 7 years when really he had no feelings for her. (This person still exists!--he's just in hiding from you now.) or ... 3. He is rebounding on you ....with you ... I am thinking 2 and 3 are in play. This will not end well. Slow down. 1
mortensorchid Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Yes you are a rebound relationship. Pursue with caution. If he's talking about getting serious or taking things to another level (ex. moving in together), stop it in its tracks.
snowboy91 Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 It seems pretty likely that he is a rebound. But that's not to say that he's deliberately manipulating you for the sake of just wanting to love/be in a relationship with someone. To him, everything feels great and new, and he's just jumping straight into these new feelings without really giving himself the time to move on from the last one properly. It's likely he's no longer emotionally attached to his ex, but he hasn't given himself enough time to put himself back together. That will probably reveal itself in time once the "new relationship" feelings subside. None of it will be deliberate, but I also don't think it will end well either. 1
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