some_username1 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Ok man, its your decision. As I always say, you need to make the same mistakes many other men make, in order to come to the same conclusions. Few months in and she's cat calling men in front of you, dumped you and your aware of her temper. If this is what you settle for, this is what life will give. Exactly. Money can’t buy class OP. Just because she is well off that says nothing for her character or her suitability as a partner. I would be judiciously examining my options. If you conclude that she is the best you can do well....good luck.....cus you’re gonna need it. And enjoy her cat-calling your friends! That’s the sign of a quality woman...not 1
Allupinnit Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Do we know that this has happened over and over again to her? Maybe her usual guys are more set up, own their own home, are richer. She let her guard down and in popped Grey40, once she started thinking straight she went OMG, NO, what a mistake, there is no future here... and dumped him. Nothing wrong with that surely? Why does she need to be painted as a psycho? Dating is about filtering out those we are not compatible with... Unfortunately I find that it seems to be the knee-jerk response from a lot of the single men on this forum. We're all coming into these relationships as broken people with our own histories, faults, imperfections, and hopes. If my H had held everything I'd ever done against me, including which medications I was taking, or what tats I had - and summed me up to be a psycho with mental problems then sheesh good riddance. 3
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 I am not ready to through rocks at that woman yet. The fact she is on meds needs to be taken into consideration. .
Author Grey40 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 Here’s been the convo this morning. I’ve taken a bunch of time in between responses. Her: Hello Me: Hey Her: How Are You Me: I’m ok about to go to the gym, you? Her: Nice. I’m very tired. Woke up at 5. Me: Damn. Her: Yeah but I don’t need to bother you about it. Sorry. Haven’t responded to that yet:
Allupinnit Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of the chain jerking to make sure you're still on the other end. What the hell is the point of that convo? And "next week"? Why next week? She's pretty sure you're going to wait around. Wonder what she's up to this weekend...? 3
Author Grey40 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 (edited) Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of the chain jerking to make sure you're still on the other end. What the hell is the point of that convo? And "next week"? Why next week? She's pretty sure you're going to wait around. Wonder what she's up to this weekend...? The timing is a little odd, she does have her girlfriends bday party on Friday, but I was originally invited and was going to go with her. Could there be someone there she has eyes on? Maybe, but for some reason I don’t think so. I agree it sucks to wait until next week but I did smother her and gave her literally no space at all the last month or so, I was over a lot. So I’m thinking just a good week off couldn’t hurt. She’s gone through some tough stuff. Her dad died when she was 18 and she was really close to him. She still has dreams where she seems him die in front of her. Her Stepdad also died from Parkinson’s several years after that. She used to cut herself following her dads death, not to commit suicide but to just inflict pain. She’s seen therapists before too and still sees one every 3 months but just to reincarnate on her meds. She also gets terrible PMS, she’s mentioned that. So happens this week is PMS time, and the anniversary of her dads death is next week. So she’s probably having a big mental breakdown. Edited October 3, 2019 by Grey40
Author Grey40 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 (edited) Grey please see my post #76 I couldn’t think of a specific instance that made her break up. I confronted her about the festival post. It was a picture of us together at an apple orchard. She posted it on her FB and put a meme from IG up with it that said “I get lonely when I’m single, but at least I won’t have to wake up early to go to a f**** apple orchard” I told her that I thought it really made it sound like she didn’t want to be there with me. I held it in all day and acted kind of distant and mad and she was pissed that she had to force out my thoughts. The reason I was afraid to mention it was exactly what happened. That she would get all upset and break up. She kind of irritated I thought that and basically said l”you’re acting like a woman would about this”. The night before I was playing a gig with one of her guy friends and she posted that on FB with a caption that said “my boys are playing together ***hearts***” which I also thought was really weird and downplayed is being together. Made it sound like she’s sleeping with both of us or something.ir that we’re just friends. Once again, almost seemed like she was doing this on purpose to piss me off in order to spark a fight to break up or something. She says she’s just not the type that likes to be public about her relationships and isn’t a lovey dovey gushy type publicly. I kind of find that odd as well, because most people are excited and happy to post their significant other and aren’t afraid to admit it. She may have some serious commitment issues too. Her official story is that me acting all mad about the apple post and subsequently being pissy/mopey throughout the day about it made me think about all my negative qualities and then it all made her realize that I’m not someone she likes or wants long term. Of course, then she turns around and says she’s not sure. It’s a really complex thing, because from the day we met until the break up, she was amazing to me and there was never any issues of fighting or anything we always worked stuff out. So I feel like there could be some shadiness that she chose this particular week out of the blue to be this way. Edited October 3, 2019 by Grey40
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 it all made her realize that I’m not someone she likes or wants long term. Those are not words I would forgive. Words hurt and break relationships. This is one perfect example. If you get back with her she will play with you like a yoyo now that she knows you're ready to overlook these hurtful words. It's only been 4 months, even if you claim all was dandy since the beginning you do have a series of complains against her that makes you doubt her loyalty to the relationship. She is not going to change, she will continue to minimize your relationship to the eyes of others, she will continue putting you in the same basket as 'her boys', she will continue breaking up and calling you back. Why would you want to sign up for this? 1
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 tl;dr, he might not have his own place but in terms of mental capacity and maturity OP has a lot more to offer than this woman. How do you know that? Know them both personally do you? The OP needs to take the hint for his own good. Nothing good will come of this, she is no longer interested past throwing a few breadcrumbs in his direction. Relationships need to progress, this one took a few massive steps backwards... 3
some_username1 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 How do you know that? Know them both personally do you? The OP needs to take the hint for his own good. Nothing good will come of this, she is no longer interested past throwing a few breadcrumbs in his direction. Relationships need to progress, this one took a few massive steps backwards... I don’t know have to- have a read of everyone’s posts, numerous seem to be of the opinion that she is dangling OP on the end of a string which is immature, princess behaviour. It’s circumspect that you are the only one called into bat for the OP’s now ex-gf and despite her pretty bad behaviour you think *she* is the one who is the prize! pfft (Inherited) money and bricks and mortar on their own do not make a person a worthwhile investment of one’s time. 2
Author Grey40 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 Those are not words I would forgive. Words hurt and break relationships. This is one perfect example. If you get back with her she will play with you like a yoyo now that she knows you're ready to overlook these hurtful words. It's only been 4 months, even if you claim all was dandy since the beginning you do have a series of complains against her that makes you doubt her loyalty to the relationship. She is not going to change, she will continue to minimize your relationship to the eyes of others, she will continue putting you in the same basket as 'her boys', she will continue breaking up and calling you back. Why would you want to sign up for this? Interesting how your mindset on her has changed all of a sudden. The night we broke up Her exact words were “the insecurity, the not trusting me, the racial jokes, lack of ambition, we are just different in too many ways to be reconciled”. I know she’s not going to change, but maybe I’m being insecure and overeacting to a lot of these things I mentioned. Perhaps I am being a bit too controlling and expecting too much too soon. Also, the following day she did say that she may have made a mistake and that she admits she has her own insecurities that men don’t date her for the right reasons, and she worries they only date her because she’s convenient and self sufficient. And while she loves me and knows I care, she needs to believe and trust I’m in this for the right reasons. Which to be honest I’m not sure how I’m going to prove that to her. It’s not like I can move out and close on my own place in a couple weeks.
some_username1 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Interesting how your mindset on her has changed all of a sudden. The night we broke up Her exact words were “the insecurity, the not trusting me, the racial jokes, lack of ambition, we are just different in too many ways to be reconciled”. I know she’s not going to change, but maybe I’m being insecure and overeacting to a lot of these things I mentioned. Perhaps I am being a bit too controlling and expecting too much too soon. Also, the following day she did say that she may have made a mistake and that she admits she has her own insecurities that men don’t date her for the right reasons, and she worries they only date her because she’s convenient and self sufficient. And while she loves me and knows I care, she needs to believe and trust I’m in this for the right reasons. Which to be honest I’m not sure how I’m going to prove that to her. It’s not like I can move out and close on my own place in a couple weeks. I think we could say the same to you...it sounds like you started this thread with a grievance and now you are busy revising history to paint her in a better light now she has shown that she is prepared to move on. I say this gently: please grow a spine and stand up for what you believed in when you started this thread. From the outside in it doesn’t look like this will end well for you otherwise. 1
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 The night we broke up Her exact words were “the insecurity, the not trusting me, the racial jokes, lack of ambition, we are just different in too many ways to be reconciled”. ^^^ Sounds all pretty clear cut to me. ...the racial jokes???? Really?? 3
Allupinnit Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Who are you living with? What does she mean by "racial jokes" - do you mean RACIST jokes? Because um yeah that's a huge turnoff to most people. Grow up! And social media OMG. In my opinion everyone should just do themselves a favor and get off Fakebook. As you can see it causes a load of unnecessary drama in your life. Look - keep responding to her breadcrumbs aimed at keeping you around. Come back in a month or two and tell us how it all worked out.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Interesting how your mindset on her has changed all of a sudden. The night we broke up Her exact words were “the insecurity, the not trusting me, the racial jokes, lack of ambition, we are just different in too many ways to be reconciled”... Which to be honest I’m not sure how I’m going to prove that to her. It’s not like I can move out and close on my own place in a couple weeks. It really blows my mind that after the way she's treating you, you still feel you need to prove anything to her. But she is telling you something that most women would be thinking but wouldn't bother telling you - you're too beta/eager to please her, not motivated enough in being your own strong, self-sufficient man, not ambitious enough with career and finances. I repeat that I think a good relationship with HER is a lost cause. But learn from this and start taking steps to improve your weaknesses so you can do better in the future. The nails in the coffin with my ex were his occasional laziness/slacker mentality, victim mentality, and trying to blame me for being too much of a hardass because of his deficiencies. I've been working hard my entire life and continue to work hard every day. So a guy with a slacker mentality and drive weaker than mine just won't ever cut it for me. I'm never going to drag along a man who's dead weight. 3
clia Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 I confronted her about the festival post. It was a picture of us together at an apple orchard. She posted it on her FB and put a meme from IG up with it that said “I get lonely when I’m single, but at least I won’t have to wake up early to go to a f**** apple orchard” I told her that I thought it really made it sound like she didn’t want to be there with me. I held it in all day and acted kind of distant and mad and she was pissed that she had to force out my thoughts. The reason I was afraid to mention it was exactly what happened. That she would get all upset and break up. She kind of irritated I thought that and basically said l”you’re acting like a woman would about this”. I don't blame you at all for being upset about that post. It's rude as hell and there was no reason for her to post it. 1
fromheart Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 What were the racial jokes? Are we talking Family Guy stuff, or something more serious?
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Interesting how your mindset on her has changed all of a sudden. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, I was being slow to judgement when I read she was taking meds but then you gave us more details, the hurtful comments on FB, her statement about you not being long term material....I mean I am shocked reading all this and it's not happening to me, how come you're not shocked? Has she treated you so badly that it has become the norm in your relationship? 1
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Grey: She thinks you're an opportunistic, insecure unmotivated and now racist, I mean doesn't it feel like a kick between the legs? Don't you feel attacked in your manhood? After all those words you'd be ok to go there and get it on with her?
Tamfana Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 ^^^ Sounds all pretty clear cut to me. ...the racial jokes???? Really?? I agree. She was clear. I think she just feels guilty now and is trying to do the soft landing version of a breakup, at best maybe have occasional sex until you find solid partners. But what you quoted, Elaine, is clear. Differing views on race, on ambition, on humor can't really be overcome. Go find someone who's a better fit, OP.
Author Grey40 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, I was being slow to judgement when I read she was taking meds but then you gave us more details, the hurtful comments on FB, her statement about you not being long term material....I mean I am shocked reading all this and it's not happening to me, how come you're not shocked? Has she treated you so badly that it has become the norm in your relationship? I am shocked. She never said any of this stuff until 2 days ago when she just went crazy and blurted it all out. She did say like a week ago “I wish you were more confident like you used to be” and stuff and “I want you to be the cool guy you were when we met”. But that was brief and her behavior and actions didn’t change at all. But clearly it was starting to get to her. But the long term commitment, lack of motivation and stuff is stuff she never brought up at all until now.
Author Grey40 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 Grey: She thinks you're an opportunistic, insecure unmotivated and now racist, I mean doesn't it feel like a kick between the legs? Don't you feel attacked in your manhood? After all those words you'd be ok to go there and get it on with her? To answer this and to answer why there’s a reason to stay in contact with her is this: I have never given her a good chunk of time to miss me. She lost respect and attraction for me big time. She no longer finds me sexy and confident. However, I do believe her when she said let’s talk about this next week. I don’t think she’d bother with that and bother staying in contact like this giving me hope if she wasn’t debating this decision it in her head. She knows I’m a really great guy deep down and that maybe she’s throwing away something really good. She’s going to have a good 5-7 days where I’m not around and barely in contact (I’m only responding to her, and very brief). I’m hoping that maybe this is just a mental meltdown and a rough time. I’m hoping that her head clears up and she realizes how much she misses me and our time together over this week. Chances are low. But she could end up really missing me and wanting me back. If she gets through the weekend and feels great or fine without me and doesn’t miss me at all, then she’ll prbably seal the fate then. I’m allowing her to dictate this first week of space, but next week if things don’t change or I don’t hear from her, I will get closure then. Regardless of what you all say. I really love this girl and want to at least say I gave it a shot to make it work. I’d rather fail trying than to just cut her off because she said some mean things. A lot of times people say mean things impulsively and regret it later on. This could be the case. Could she be just weening off of me and using this little contact and hope of “let’s reconvene and start slow” as an easy light way to break it off? Yes very possible, but I’m going to give this a chance to shake out first.
Tamfana Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Do you want her forever? If not, tell her it's over.
Author Grey40 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 It’s been almost 7 hours since she last texted me now. That’s the longest she’s ever gone without messaging me. Do you think she’s finally moved on?
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