sina28 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 I am wondering why a man would show a lot of interest in me and then suddenly change his attitude? For the last 4 weeks he sent me elaborate daily texts, complimented me, told me it's nice to have finally met someone interesting online and so on. We went on two dates that went really well. I feel like we really connected and he texted me 15min after the dates that he had a really good time and that he would like to meet again very soon. However on the day of the third date, he cancelled last minute (about 3 hours before the date). He said he was sick and had waited until the last minute because he thought he might be feeling better by the end of the day. He also apologized profusely for canceling and texted me everyday for the following week. He really put a lot of effort in keeping the conversation going. However he has not rescheduled the date so far and it has already been 10 days since the cancelled date. He also didn't text me today and yesterday (I didn't either though). I have a really hard time understanding what is going on here. He does have a very busy job with difficult hours but it seems to me that his interest has probably faded. He is also a pretty active tinder user as far as I know (I also still have the app). I would just like to know where I stand but am not sure if I should reach out to him. I feel like the ball is in his court to reschedule and I would feel a little bit needy trying to initiate contact.
Gaeta Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Oh dear, I am not sure this man is single. When a man is interested he acts interested. This is Tinder, an app used for hook ups and whatsnot. If you're serious about finding a dating partner then register on a real dating app with profiles and plenty of space to explain clearly what you're looking for. This man is wasting your time.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 He's not that interested or he would have made sure to keep the dates going. He probably met someone he's more interested in, and might contact you again if that falls through. Personally, I'd move on and wouldn't accept another date, as he's already shown he's not that interested. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 It sounds like he met someone he's more interested in, but kinda kept you on the back burner in case things didn't work out with her. If that situation fails and he tries to come back to you, think carefully. 1
kendahke Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 In case you return to read your posts: if he's dropped conversation cold with you for 10 days, then he's moved on. As you've only been in each other's presence twice and he's a heavy tinder user, he's doing what tinder users do...
I'veseenbetterlol Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 I am wondering why a man would show a lot of interest in me and then suddenly change his attitude? For the last 4 weeks he sent me elaborate daily texts, complimented me, told me it's nice to have finally met someone interesting online and so on. We went on two dates that went really well. I would just like to know where I stand but am not sure if I should reach out to him. I feel like the ball is in his court to reschedule and I would feel a little bit needy trying to initiate contact. This is classical love bombing and people like this are not serious. Don't contact him because he will prob take you on an emotional rollercoaster. Delete his number, 10 days w/out a single message is WAY too long, he isn't that busy.
winny Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 This is classical love bombing and people like this are not serious. Don't contact him because he will prob take you on an emotional rollercoaster. Delete his number' date=' 10 days w/out a single message is WAY too long, he isn't that busy.[/quote'] i think its been 2 days since he texted her.
Maggiemay1 Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 The most logical explanation I can come up with is that he continued to chat to others and create new matches on tinder. Which he is entitled to do. Another girl caught his interest and she stated she was free on the day of your 3rd date. So he met her while claiming to be sick to you so he didn’t burn his bridges. Also entitled to that as you were not exclusive and only had 2 dates. After his first date with her, he kept the conversation open with you. He didn’t know at that point that the other girl might be interested in seeing him again. My guess is that he has now met her twice and his attention is now directed towards her. Perhaps they are a better fit. Nothing personal against you. Your options are A) let it go B) message him one more time stating that you are free on x day and time if he would like to catch up. .... absolutely no mention of tinder or asking if he is ok or anything else. Keep it simple . 1
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 (edited) Have you asked him when he would like to reschedule? Does he do all the initiating? Edited October 1, 2019 by Maddie82
stillafool Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 With so much competition these days it seems you really have to make a mind blowing connection on the first dates or you are soon forgotten. 2
Author sina28 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Posted October 1, 2019 The most logical explanation I can come up with is that he continued to chat to others and create new matches on tinder. Which he is entitled to do. Another girl caught his interest and she stated she was free on the day of your 3rd date. So he met her while claiming to be sick to you so he didn’t burn his bridges. Also entitled to that as you were not exclusive and only had 2 dates. After his first date with her, he kept the conversation open with you. He didn’t know at that point that the other girl might be interested in seeing him again. My guess is that he has now met her twice and his attention is now directed towards her. Perhaps they are a better fit. Nothing personal against you. Your options are A) let it go B) message him one more time stating that you are free on x day and time if he would like to catch up. .... absolutely no mention of tinder or asking if he is ok or anything else. Keep it simple . This is very good advice. I think you are spot on with your analysis. I thought the same thing. I just think it's sad how people lie like this.
Author sina28 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Posted October 1, 2019 (edited) Have you asked him when he would like to reschedule? Does he do all the initiating? He was the one to initiate the first two dates. I'm not the kind of girl who thinks the guy should do all the initiating, but in this case, I do feel like the ball is in his court. When he told me he was sick I answered that I would be happy to see him again when he's feeling better and that he should let me know. So in my opinion it is clear to both of us that it's up to him if we meet again or not. Even though I do really like him, I am not that desperate haha Edited October 1, 2019 by sina28 1
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 He was the one to initiate the first two dates This is why he has backed off then. He was doing all the leg work and got tired of him.
kendahke Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 I just think it's sad how people lie like this. When you don't have a real emotional investment developing, it's easier to treat the person as expendable. He was no where near as invested in the idea and potential of you as you are in the idea and potential of a relationship with him. He didn't have anything with you except for two dates. That's not a contract to anything. That you caught feelings is on you--he's not obligated to reciprocate them if he doesn't feel the same way--he'd be fake if he did.
Author sina28 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Posted October 1, 2019 When you don't have a real emotional investment developing, it's easier to treat the person as expendable. He was no where near as invested in the idea and potential of you as you are in the idea and potential of a relationship with him. He didn't have anything with you except for two dates. That's not a contract to anything. That you caught feelings is on you--he's not obligated to reciprocate them if he doesn't feel the same way--he'd be fake if he did. I definitely got invested way too early, however I still don't feel like it's right to lie like this. He got super detailed about his illness and how he is trying to find a replacement for his work shift and how he couldn't sleep all night blablabla... he also wrote me like 4 messages apologizing for canceling and asking me if we're still good and that he was really looking forward to see me and is feeling really bad about the situation. Now if he really wasn't sick and that was all an act, I feel like this is very uncool behavior. I'm not mad about him not having any feelings for me yet at this point, I'm just a bit disappointed about the lying. The truth does come out eventually though. It would've just been nice to be honest so I don't waste my time on someone who has no intention of meeting me again.
kendahke Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 I still don't feel like it's right to lie like this. You can feel like that til times get better, but there's not much action you can put to it without him rounding on you being controlling for someone he barely knows. You can't control what anyone else does. All you can do is remove yourself from the vicinity.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 I'm curious how you "know" he's an active Tinder user? I've done Tinder before and by all accounts, unlike most other dating sites where you an often see if someone is online or shows when they were last one etc, information is very limited on there. Anonymity is protected on there more than most sites. Unless he's uploading photos or updating his profile constantly, how do you know how active he really is? ***** Beyond that, I'm in agreement with others that he's probably found someone else who piqued his interest. We've all been there before. Just how it goes particularly when you're dating while still online and no discussion around labels or of exclusivity. In an ideal world, when someone looses interest or decides to move on before the other, they would let them know out of respect for the time they invested thus far. Sadly this isn't an ideal world. Just chalk it up to the trials and tribulations of online dating. Time to swipe right on someone else and hope for the best. Good luck.
Maggiemay1 Posted October 1, 2019 Posted October 1, 2019 This is very good advice. I think you are spot on with your analysis. I thought the same thing. I just think it's sad how people lie like this. He lied because he was interested in you and at that point wasn’t sure of his interest in the other girl, but he was curious. That’s what dating is all about. Exploring options to ultimately find someone most compatible. His elaboration of his lie, how sick he was etc was merely guilt, likeky because he does think you are a great girl! And to be fair if he had said he was meeting another girl , how would you have responded? Of course it would be nice in an ideal world , if he messaged you now to say, sorry, I’ve met someone else and no longer wish to pursue things with you at this point. But it’s easier to ghost unfortunately. His little white lie is very excusable. The ghosting not so much , however you have made that easy for him. If you want to provoke an honest answer from him , the bed thing to do is what I said earlier option B. Be polite and simple , ask him if he is feeling better and would he like to catch up on x day. Do NOT mention , tinder, other girls , that you haven’t heard from him. Let him respond to the great girl he knows you are !! Don’t show any insecurity whatsoever.
Angel29 Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 Forget Tinder, it is full of very flaky and emotionally unavailable people. I went on a date with guy who revealed he had PTSD from the army and issues after divorce. Another was extremely sensitive and told me slept around yet said he cannot find love! There must be other more reputable sites.
Maggiemay1 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Forget Tinder, it is full of very flaky and emotionally unavailable people. There must be other more reputable sites. The people on tinder are also on the “reputable” sites. What has happened in the OP’s case could have happened wherever or however she met him. Online or offline. I wouldn’t consider this guy a flake per se. If she had met him through a hobby or sport , peoples responses would be different. But why? If she had met him that way , doesn’t mean neither were on dating sites, just unaware that they are! The outcome would still be the same. 2
winny Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 The people on tinder are also on the “reputable” sites. What has happened in the OP’s case could have happened wherever or however she met him. Online or offline. I wouldn’t consider this guy a flake per se. If she had met him through a hobby or sport , peoples responses would be different. But why? If she had met him that way , doesn’t mean neither were on dating sites, just unaware that they are! The outcome would still be the same. Agree. You cannot blame an app for the behavior of people.
winny Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 He could have texted you that he does not want to move forward anymore. That is decent behavior. But we cannot control how others behave. And if he is a person who makes elaborate lies after 2 dates when no one is expecting anything from him anyway, I think he is pretty low-value person and also a weirdo. This guy if he becomes your BF will cause you a lot of mental stress. So be happy that he took himself out of your life and now you can find someone better. However, it is also possible that he was telling the truth and he was sick but in the 10 days he met someone else or something else happened due to which meeting you became a lower priority. Either way, don't take it personally.
Angel29 Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 The people on tinder are also on the “reputable” sites. What has happened in the OP’s case could have happened wherever or however she met him. Online or offline. I wouldn’t consider this guy a flake per se. If she had met him through a hobby or sport , peoples responses would be different. But why? If she had met him that way , doesn’t mean neither were on dating sites, just unaware that they are! The outcome would still be the same. Actually I agree when you put it that way. I have left sites and joined others and found the same people on all sites. I met someone years ago through a hobby who ended up being flaky and later found out he was on dating site 2
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