Love2015 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Feeling sad with reason. So after so much dating drama, I have taken a step back. However one of the guys from last year showed up and fast forward we had sex twice. I know it is not a relationship and we both know it. However, this weekend he was sick and I offered to come over for a bit. He says he is not ready for relationship. I do understand that bit. I don't even want it. But it made me mad he slept over week before and I opened my house to him yet he has never even once invited me. This is beyond relationship...it's basic respect! I don't think he is hiding another woman...but who knows ?
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Feeling sad with reason. So after so much dating drama, I have taken a step back. However one of the guys from last year showed up and fast forward we had sex twice. I know it is not a relationship and we both know it. However, this weekend he was sick and I offered to come over for a bit. He says he is not ready for relationship. I do understand that bit. I don't even want it. But it made me mad he slept over week before and I opened my house to him yet he has never even once invited me. This is beyond relationship...it's basic respect! I don't think he is hiding another woman...but who knows ? He only wanted sex, that's it. I'm not for a relationship=I don't want a relationship w/you. The way to really avoid relationship drama is not giving yourself away to someone you aren't exclusive with yet. Sadly he owes you nothing. Cut all ties w/him and don't let him use you like a convenient sex play thing. 1
chillii Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Why on earth did you even sleep with him then, see it over and over.
winny Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 don't let such people come back into your life. why are you sad? who cares about him? forget about him.
Maggiemay1 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 I know it is not a relationship and we both know it. However, this weekend he was sick and I offered to come over for a bit. He says he is not ready for relationship. I do understand that bit. I don't even want it. But it made me mad he slept over week before and I opened my house to him yet he has never even once invited me. This is beyond relationship...it's basic respect! I don't think he is hiding another woman... You know it is not a relationship so why would you want to hang out with a hook up when he is sick? Haven’t you better things to do? He doesn’t have to invite you in. And that has nothing to do with respect. It was YOUR choice to invite him into your home but you didn’t choose to invite him in out of respect for him. It was to have a hook up with him. Right?? If you feel disrespected , then perhaps it’s self disrespect you are feeling? Did you want more than a hook up from him? And if yes then you should have waited to see if he was interested in saying you first? Sorry, but the guy has done nothing wrong by you. He just didn’t want what you want by the sounds of it. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 (edited) This isn't about respect, OP. It's about having realistic expectations and understanding boundaries. He doesn't want to date you; you apparently already knew this. It was your choice to open your home to him. You are not necessarily entitled to the same. He is sick and doesn't want you in his space. That's his prerogative, just as it was yours to have sex with him in your house. It's also not about "hiding" another woman. He wouldn't need to hide anything, as he is free to date and have sex with whomever he chooses. He doesn't owe you exclusivity if you two hadn't already previously agreed to that, and it doesn't appear you had. This is your wake-up call that he isn't looking for anything other than sex from you. If you don't like the terms, you can stop sleeping with him. Edited September 30, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 3
basil67 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Perhaps he doesn't want company when he's ill - my hubby just wants to be ALONE when he's sick. That said, it's just sex between the two of you and you both know it. He doesn't need to open his house if he doesn't want to.
Author Love2015 Posted September 30, 2019 Author Posted September 30, 2019 Thank you everyone for your replies. I understand now it's my own doing. It's just that...the initial reason he actually came was because my parents got an operation that went wrong and I am not in same country they are so I was upset. He came after we talk about this just for company. One thing led to another. So the thing is I understand just sex is the outcome but it was based on some type of friendship? I guess I learn that when it is just sex a person doesn't need to be open about anything. It's not my cup of tea for sure...oh well...
Maddie82 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 He just wanted a hook up. Nothing more. He's not interested in sleep overs and playing house. He wants nothing emotional, just sex.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Thank you everyone for your replies. I understand now it's my own doing. It's just that...the initial reason he actually came was because my parents got an operation that went wrong and I am not in same country they are so I was upset. He came after we talk about this just for company. One thing led to another. Did you reach out to him? Were you already back on speaking terms when this happened, or? You say he was a guy from the past, so I am curious how and when you reconnected exactly. I am also curious to hear what prompted him to say that he's not ready for a relationship. I am guessing there was more said in between you offering to go over when he was sick, and him drawing that boundary - what was the rest of the conversation like before he told you he didn't want a relationship?
Maddie82 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Personally i think he took advantage of your vulnerability which makes him an axxxxx. He just wanted to hook up. 1
smackie9 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 He's sick or busy with someone else, and is giving you the heads up he doesn't want to see you. That's why he bluntly told you he doesn't want a relationship, he's setting boundaries with you. Your arrangement is hookup only, not hang out and nurse him back to health. 1
Author Love2015 Posted September 30, 2019 Author Posted September 30, 2019 Yeah I guess...makes me sad though ... Like feel worthless. To answer the question...he came back to my life for a while now via texts and talks since last year. He apparently came to visit me once and I was not home ..out of the blue.... Now he came as merely a friend...he even knew I like someone else. Turned into hookup. Makes me sad even though I accepted it.
Flame Aura Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Yeah I guess...makes me sad though ... Like feel worthless. To answer the question...he came back to my life for a while now via texts and talks since last year. He apparently came to visit me once and I was not home ..out of the blue.... Now he came as merely a friend...he even knew I like someone else. Turned into hookup. Makes me sad even though I accepted it. Learn from this experience and don't let just anyone have access to your body. Have a bit more self worth and realise you are special; if someone is going to be intimate with you then they need to be worth it and earn the right.
Gaeta Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 (edited) Love2015: I am sorry it's been a tough time for you with the other guy and now this one. All these are learning experiences, you have to pay attention so you don't repeat the same mistakes over again. This is not about men taking advantage of you...this is about YOU and who you let in your life without having your guards up. You need to watch your back, no one else will do it for you. When a man comes into your life don't open your arms to him right away, he needs to prove himself to you with actions. You gave yourself to the last guy even if he gave you crumbs and didn't want a relationship and you give yourself to this guy here just because he was an old chat buddy. As long as you don't look out for yourself these men will walk all over you. Edited September 30, 2019 by Gaeta
Author Love2015 Posted September 30, 2019 Author Posted September 30, 2019 Love2015: I am sorry it's been a tough time for you with the other guy and now this one. All these are learning experiences, you have to pay attention so you don't repeat the same mistakes over again. This is not about men taking advantage of you...this is about YOU and who you let in your life without having your guards up. You need to watch your back, no one else will do it for you. When a man comes into your life don't open your arms to him right away, he needs to prove himself to you with actions. You gave yourself to the last guy even if he gave you crumbs and didn't want a relationship and you give yourself to this guy here just because he was an old chat buddy. As long as you don't look out for yourself these men will walk all over you. Harsh reality but true. I have to acknowledge that even though I wished I had completely healed from my ex hb cheating, abandonment and bad mouthing me back in 2015...I haven't. It's harsh to know ex hb moved on with the other woman (who after seeing her emails back in the day ..she was needy and trying hard to get him)...she actually got him and he didn't even blink my way. He is married to her and has a kid and all so fast. We worked on constructing it together...or so I thought. No excuses here but It makes me act like crazy thinking that is what men want to be faxed with a different reality. I have tried to heal so badly...and I realize I am struggling. When I take the time to heal...I start feeling better and venture out to look for someone and then drama happens. I do wish it was different yet it is not. Anyone have good book to read or suggestions?
Ana1234 Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 I am sorry you are experiencing this pain. Please know that you are not alone in this, and forgiveness and healing are always possible. I am praying for you, friend.
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