x Ray x Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Ive never felt this way about a girl before. Ive felt it for so long. IDK how to start this first ill describe her appearance. Shes shorter than me and very slender, with delicate hands and really nice nails. She's got a really pretty, creamy coloured face, and brown hair with some white highlights. But it's not this that really attracts me its something else about her. Shes really quiet, but always has a slight smile on her face, and her eyes are like a baby kitten, dark brown and always wide open, curious and innocent looking. Ive never seen anyone with the same kind of wonderful gaze she has. I love the way she smiles, never with her teeth showing even though they are snow-white. Shes never mean to anyone ive never heard her say anything negative, and ive never seen an unpleasant expression on her face. Ive never looked forward to going to school before but these days i can hardly wait for the classes that she is in also. She does really well in school, scores high on class tests and does very good work. She never really talks much but often looks around with that beautiful look in her eyes and vulnerable look on her face. Everything she does gives me a warm feeling in my heart. I was in class with her today and i liked every movement she made. When she rested her face on her hands, when she was putting her soft white jacket on coz it was getting cold, even when she sneezed i liked hearing it. She's the only girl ive ever felt this way about and im 17 years old turning 18 in 5 months. But i don't see much chance. I know i would treat her better then anyone else in the world, all i want to do, more than anything else is hold her in my arms and take care of her. But i don't think it will ever happen. My looks are OK apart from some acne, although im quite lanky, 5'9 and 112lbs. I think i dress pretty good mostly sports clothes, and my teeth are straight and white and i shower daily. The problem is im not a very fun guy, kind of boring and not a good talker. Unlike her I do not do well at school. Plus i think she actually has a boyfriend im not sure. Ive never seen them kiss or anything but then again very rarely do couples kiss at my school in public. But whenever he's in a class with her she sits beside him and she talks to him more than other people. Plus she was walking out of a class and he was outside another door waiting and they saw each other and he smiled at her and they talked a bit. If he is her boyfriend which i think is likely, well he's much different to me and a lot of things i am not. Unlike me he's big enough, a bit taller than me and way heavier a solid build. But personality wise hes much different also. We are both nice people, and in fact i like him as a person he never says anything bad about anyone, but he's much more fun and less boring than me. He's always smiling and laughing and not serious at all. Unlike me he does well at school. I have no grudges against him he's a good guy. Which is kind of annoying because I kind of wish he was a jerk, as im sure i could beat him in a fight im a championship kickboxer, and if he gave me a reason i cannot see him beating me at all i would knock him unconscious and badly hurt him. On the bus home while there is no one i know sitting on me, sometimes i look out the window and shed some tears. As soon i get home i usually lock myself in my room, listen to some music on my bed and let it all out. In fact im crying a bit writing this thread. I cant get over thinking about her no matter how much i try. I know its really stupid being like this, but i cannot help it.
Author x Ray x Posted September 29, 2005 Author Posted September 29, 2005 I talked to her a bit today when walking to class we were both a little late. She's really nice and i love the sound of her voice its really soft and girly. But I'm still wondering about whether this guy is her boyfriend. Coz we were late i was sitting behind her to the side, and the guy was a few desks away from her. She was looking over at him a few times and when she was walking out of the class she kind of looked at him and outside the door she waited, i assume waiting for him. I dont know how to find out for absolute sure whether he is her boyfriend, especially since she hangs with a group i dont know anyone at all from.
jhurtinct Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 high school is a tough situation, there are usually alot of clicks and its hard to "get in" if your not. I was always quiet in school myself, never tried to talk to people unless they talked to me first, my point at this is you have a very long life ahead of you and even though she seems like the world to you now don't let it bring you down your going to meet a million girls in your life that you will feel this way about. High school is just the pre k of life sweetie just don't let anything that happens now really get to you'll look back on it when your 30 and your 3 yrs past your 10 yr reunion and wish you never did waste time on any of it, you will probably be married to a wonderful women w/ x# of children:) keep your chin up. Spend your energy and your time in school right now working on your grade and your studies, they are much more important.
Author x Ray x Posted September 30, 2005 Author Posted September 30, 2005 high school is a tough situation, there are usually alot of clicks and its hard to "get in" if your not. I was always quiet in school myself, never tried to talk to people unless they talked to me first, my point at this is you have a very long life ahead of you and even though she seems like the world to you now don't let it bring you down your going to meet a million girls in your life that you will feel this way about. High school is just the pre k of life sweetie just don't let anything that happens now really get to you'll look back on it when your 30 and your 3 yrs past your 10 yr reunion and wish you never did waste time on any of it, you will probably be married to a wonderful women w/ x# of children:) keep your chin up. Spend your energy and your time in school right now working on your grade and your studies, they are much more important. I dont know. I got kind of pissed off when you said im going to meet a million girls like this. I've already lived about 20% of my life, and I've only met one. I've never seen anyone like her before, never seen anyone who acts or looks like her before. And I don't think adults who are like her exist anyway. And as for forgetting my teens and just moving on with adulthood, i just dont want this. Theres something about teenage years i dont want to miss out on. I don't just want to be a mature adult and marry some mature woman and forget about my missed years. My life has never been happy, and i dont think I've deserved this. It may be only small part of my life but a lot happens in it, and we are never young and immature again. Maybe it will ease the pain if i somehow bring some person who has lived a happy teenage life down to my level. These days i might as well be in jail. All i do is daydream, i dont even watch TV or anything anymore. Even my teachers have noticed I am "not there" in class. She's the only one i want to talk to, i just nod and shrug to everyone else including my parents. I can't stop crying when im at home.
fusangite Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 Here's the problem: you are so afraid of actually being rejected by this girl that every day you have to convince yourself that she has already rejected you. If you want closure, tell her how you feel. It will be humiliating and almost certainly result in rejection but I think it may be worth it because you really need to put this behind you.
Nur Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 Some part of me can actually relate to you, though not nearly to that extent. There was a guy I knew who I felt similarly about -- I admired him immensely (he was extremely intelligent, and friendly, and almost saintlike in how he acted -- so kind and decent to everyone), and found every expression of his face sweet and appealing. Sometimes I'd watch him out of the corner of my eye, amused by the intensity in which he took in everything around him, and his easy nature when speaking with others. Whenever he spoke to me (our lockers were near) I could never feel myself around him, though I tried my best to act normally and be friendly -- but often it would come out forced and unnatural. You will never feel this way about a million people -- usually there is only one person every few years who inspires this feeling in you. However: I didn't like the feeling at all. It set a constant mood of melancholy over me, and though it inspired some fairly good poetry, the mood of loss and inner torment is unhealthy to prolong. It was actually a relief when I graduated and got away from him -- I can be completely myself again, and it's like an inner weight has been taken away. His mere presence (even though he was always perfectly friendly to me) made me feel constantly unworthy, somehow -- as if I had to ask myself, "Why am I not to him as he is to me?" My first boyfriend was not him, no; but someone I felt completely comfortable around -- one of my closet friends, actually. It is MUCH better this way, believe me! Though the ideal relationship between you and someone like the former person I mentioned might play nicely in your mind, you do not want to get involved with someone you don't truly know. Even if you watch that person often, or see how he or she interacts with others, you are only seeing a shadow and an idolized image -- not who they really are. I don't think you should pursue or pine after any of those people. They do not reciprocate the feelings, and never will -- that type of attraction is only infatuation, and (as intense as it may feel at the time) will inevitably fade. Get involved only with those who know and love you for who you are, not who they think or wish or picture you to be. It may not be easy to try to get past her. But, as one experienced, it is the best advice I have to offer.
Author x Ray x Posted October 1, 2005 Author Posted October 1, 2005 Im really confused about how to get her interested in me and how to get a conversation with her. Because the classes that i share with her, well there are not many people in them, and many free seats. To sit beside her when there are always three desks in a row available to myself, would seem pretty obvious. Ive only talked to her for maybe 10 seconds in total, and to deliberately pick out her to sit beside in this situation, would make it really obvious. She looks around a lot in class, and sometimes she looks at me for a second, and i want to smile but i just cant. I dont know why. If i did it would look totally forced.
fusangite Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Any advice?You are so nervous and obsessed that it is unrealistic to think that you can interact with this girl without (a) looking obvious; and (b) embarassing yourself. So, sit next to her and try to talk to her. If you really like her, the strength of these feelings should be so strong that you are willing to embarass yourself for a chance to talk to her. If you are not, how strong can your feelings really be?
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