BJP1991 Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Had a good first date last night. Curious what everyone thinks about texting the next day to thank them and tell them we should “get out again sometime” or, wait the cliche 2-4 days after a first date to reach out. I’ve done both with mixed results. I’d think texting next day couldn’t lower a girls interest, however waiting a few days could potentially do so, if they aren’t a high enough interest already. Thoughts?
smackie9 Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Most guys I had dated didn't play these games. They simply asked me out at the end of the date...it was usually them wanting to see me the next night. I wasn't turned off at all, but only said yes to the ones I was interested in. Mixed results means level of interest, so tbh it won't make a hill of beans difference what you do.
SumGuy Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 In my view waiting is the worst advice, game playing of the worst sort. In fact, if I have a great date I text that very night and say would love to see you again and wish her a good night. I will keep an eye out for a return text, and if she says the same will propose a day. In every case she has. It often ends with a lets do this again, in which case I would text when get home had a great night, will text you tomorrow about good days to get together again. Even better if you can add in a bit of personal touch based on your parting conversation. If you waited a bit then when you get back to her propose a day to meet again. I believe waiting is a weak or cad's move. You like her? Had a great time? Let her know. If she likes you she will love the quick (short) text, if you delay too much you could ruin that. If she is not that in to you, waiting is not going to magically make her see your value unless she has some serious and weird self esteem issues. Of course the whole source of the waiting and PUA advice seems to be to geared to filtering for women with self esteem issues. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 In this day & age most people think you aren't interested if you don't text that same night. So I vote for the next day thank you / let's do that again sometime text. You can hold off a day or 2 on the next ask if you want to set a more sedate pace. 1
Gaeta Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 “get out again sometime” You have to erase that sentence from your vocabulary. It's viewed by daters as a rejection. It's a polite 'not interested in you'. or, wait the cliche 2-4 days after a first date to reach out. And those applying this cliché finds out fast it's a bad idea. If a man didn't get back to me by the following day I usually assumed he was not interested in a 2nd date and I got busy finding my next date. Option 1: You contact her the same night to tell her you had a great night and would like to take her out this weekend and make specific plan. Option 2: You contact her the following day...great time....invite her on a date for the weekend with specifics. . 3
hippychick3 Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 The rare guy who waited a few days to text me after our first date was no longer of interest to me. The guys I liked the most (including current bf) texted me right away and kept up their communication daily. I hate playing games. It’s a huge turnoff. 2
The Outlaw Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 It's best to make plans for a follow up after the first date. Waiting too long looks like disinterest. You don't want to give a potential partner time to move on.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 I'm going to say you don't like this woman ... despite your report of a good date ... You don't like her strongly enough to date ... because if you did, you wouldn't play this game ... You'd send her a note telling her you had a good time and you'd ask her out again ... and if you guys had some chemistry, you and she would have discussed the next date before you ended the first one. So, question: did you overwhelming like this woman? Did you have a fantastic time? ... not just an OK time or a good time? 1
DrNo1962 Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Why would you reward a great first date with disinterest? The key to this question is learning how to mirror/reward good behaviour by providing them with your time, effort & attention. You're not going to come off as needy/desperate in the eyes of someone who is already into you if you text them that night or the next day. The 3-day rule was cultivated out of the PUA movement who routinely ran game on girls with low levels of interest. It may be ok to back-off a few days if your date was lukewarm. However, you then need to ask yourself, "why am I pursuing low-interest women?". Your call. 1
Gretchen12 Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Do what you would consider normal. I'd only wait a few days if I bought greenish bananas. Offhand can't think of another occasion when I'd have to wait. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Yep, another vote in the "ask her out again soon" camp. If he's really into you, that's what he does.
mortensorchid Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Remember the 48 hour rule: if you haven't heard from him in 48 hours since the last encounter, 90% of the time you will not hear from him again. He might call or text a few days later, you might have a 2nd get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no. A man who doesn't text the next day is not interested. If you want to see her again, text or call her the next day.
crispytoast Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Text her that night or the next day. Don't thank her. This often sets the energy that she is doing you a favor by dating you. If she's into you, saying that you had a good time and setting up a new date should suffice.
Maggiemay1 Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Curious what everyone thinks about texting the next day to thank them and tell them we should “get out again sometime” or, wait the cliche 2-4 days after a first date to reach out. What are you thanking her for? For paying? Or paying her own way? For turning up? For enjoying her company?? You don’t thank someone in these instances. Instead you say , I had a good time, I would like to see you again. Would next Friday work for you? Or something along those lines. Saying thanks means nothing. Unless you say what exactly you are thanking them for. It could mean thanks for turning up (but I’m not interested) for example. And this “tell them we should “get out again sometime” ” is a no no!! TELL her , we SHOULD, get out SOMETIME..... could be read as you are interested or you are not interested and giving her the brush off. What’s key here is that YES you contact her soon after the date , YES you suggest a date on a specific date as opposed to “sometime” but NO do not schedule that date too early , suggest a date about a week away. If she turns you down , she is not interested either way. If she can’t make the date you suggested without suggesting an alternate, she is not interested. If she can’t make the date yuu suggested but does suggest an alternate , then she is interested. And of course if she says yes she is interested. Easy peasy!!! Good luck! 1
SumGuy Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Why would you reward a great first date with disinterest? The key to this question is learning how to mirror/reward good behaviour by providing them with your time, effort & attention. You're not going to come off as needy/desperate in the eyes of someone who is already into you if you text them that night or the next day. The 3-day rule was cultivated out of the PUA movement who routinely ran game on girls with low levels of interest. It may be ok to back-off a few days if your date was lukewarm. However, you then need to ask yourself, "why am I pursuing low-interest women?". Your call. Perfect advice, worth repeating again.
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 The "thank you" text comes from the person who was treated. The "I enjoyed it" text comes from the original initiator of the date. That follow up contact should come sooner rather than later or people think you lost interest. Everybody wants everything instantly. In the "old days" it was considered pushy & overly aggressive, almost needy to follow up the next day. Now it's de rigor. You both need to find a pace that works for the two of you. Some new person in my life who pestered me with daily texts would be shown the door in no uncertain terms before the end of the 1st week. I'd feel Smothered but I'm the odd person out these days. 1
Gretchen12 Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 What are you thanking her for? For paying? Or paying her own way? For turning up? For enjoying her company?? You don’t thank someone in these instances. Actually some people were brought up to say thank you for the pleasure of your company, thank you for a lovely evening, etc. It becomes automatic to those who were brought up that way, and seems odd to those who were not. You can only be yourself. 3
notbroken Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 I think the 'waiting game' is just that - a game that won't have good results. Tell her you had a good time and would like to go again at the end of the date (if it is true). Text her later that same night or the next day that "I really had a good time meeting you and would like to see you again. Are you free Saturday night?". No games, no BS. Her response will tell you everything. Any response but a yes or "I'm already busy Saturday night but how about Sunday?" shows low interest and you should move on.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 28, 2019 Posted September 28, 2019 The "thank you" text comes from the person who was treated. The "I enjoyed it" text comes from the original initiator of the date. This is why I so love LS. We get to identify "rules" and rituals that no one officially speaks about ... until someone comes on here and is lost ... and then someone like d0nnivain spells out the etiquette. So cool!
Author BJP1991 Posted September 30, 2019 Author Posted September 30, 2019 I did text her the day after. I didn’t say “thank you”, just said it was great to meet her and we should do it again. She said she “would absolutely love to” and gave me her available nights the following week without me even have to ask. Next date is for this Thursday. After lining up our plans via text, we haven’t texted since - usually I am okay with this, as I fall into the category of “less is more” with early-on dating, especially since we already have a definite date/time/place for the next date. Thanks for the insight! Valuable stuff. Any 2nd date tips? Specifics for the plans are already set in-stone, so nothing needed in regards of what to “do together” on the date.
Gaeta Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Keep in touch with her between the dates. I don't mean to text her each day but do touch base with her lets say Tues or Wedn.
alphamale Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 it doesn't matter when you text as long as she genuinely likes you...
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