Angel29 Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 I have known a guy through mutual friends for a few years. He seems to be obsessed with me even though I live over an hour away and only see him about twice a year. He will message me once a week and I will politely reply. I am not interested in him romantically as we don't have common ground and he always plays the victim. He always talks about his deceased mother which I know is a sad situation but I am not a counsellor. He also keeps playing the victim saying he needs a full time job as part time hours are not enough. Yet he doesn't change his situation and wastes hours on social media and likes pictures of scantily clad women which he accidentally sent to me the once instead of job hunting and practicing for interviews. I find him quite harassing as he will ask what I am doing for the week and whenever I tell him I am going away he bombards me with awful joke memes on a daily basis while I'm on holiday. I feel he must be insecure and has to 'remind' me about himself whilst I am on holiday just so I don't forget him. I just found this disrespectful as I like to switch off on holiday and not be pestered. He even messaged me as soon as I got back very late from holiday, not even giving me chance to settle back in. How can I get rid of him as he is wasting his and my time.
kendahke Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 You are going to have to do the tough job of telling him that you no longer wish to be in contact with him. It's not your job to manage how he takes it--that's on him. What you manage is that block feature on your phone and on all you social media. He's manipulative and if you don't stand sentry to your boundaries, he's going to keep on til he wears you down---and then you're really going to feel trapped. 2
Redhead14 Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 I have known a guy through mutual friends for a few years. He seems to be obsessed with me even though I live over an hour away and only see him about twice a year. He will message me once a week and I will politely reply. I am not interested in him romantically as we don't have common ground and he always plays the victim. He always talks about his deceased mother which I know is a sad situation but I am not a counsellor. He also keeps playing the victim saying he needs a full time job as part time hours are not enough. Yet he doesn't change his situation and wastes hours on social media and likes pictures of scantily clad women which he accidentally sent to me the once instead of job hunting and practicing for interviews. I find him quite harassing as he will ask what I am doing for the week and whenever I tell him I am going away he bombards me with awful joke memes on a daily basis while I'm on holiday. I feel he must be insecure and has to 'remind' me about himself whilst I am on holiday just so I don't forget him. I just found this disrespectful as I like to switch off on holiday and not be pestered. He even messaged me as soon as I got back very late from holiday, not even giving me chance to settle back in. How can I get rid of him as he is wasting his and my time. Just stop responding. He will get the message. You don't owe him anything. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 Stop replying. If he persists with the messages, tell him you're too busy for social media messaging anymore and fade him out. 3
schlumpy Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 If you are having trouble confronting him you could tell him your boyfriend objects to you texting other men and out of respect for your BF's wishes you must let the acquaintance go. But do tell him how much you've enjoyed corresponding except that he will now need a new penpal. Hope he gets the message. 2
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 when he asks what you are doing this weekend, tell him you met a nice man and going out on dates. That will make him scurry away. 2
alphamale Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 the real question here is why are you even talking to this clown? block him on your phone and all other social media 1
Twizzlestick Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 You seem forthright in your description of this person - you don’t strike me as a wallflower - yet you still have been in continuous dialogue over an extended period that’s sailed past mere graciousness? The answer is easy, just block the number.
Noproblem Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 I feel you are describing a depressed lonely man who is affected by the loss of his mother. You are very harsh in your description and you seem to be disgusted with him. If you gonna stop talking to him, end it nicely without hurting his feelings. 2
MsJayne Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Just don't reply, ever. He may be lonely and depressed, (sounds like there may be a couple of bolts missing as well), but there are professional people out there whose job it is to help people who aren't coping. He sensed a kind soul in you, and now he's milking it for all it's worth. This is probably the reason he's lonely, he drains people. It's not your responsibility to prop up other people. Just keep deleting his messages until he stops sending them.
kendahke Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 If you gonna stop talking to him, end it nicely without hurting his feelings. Never be a people-pleaser at the expense of your own peace of mind. Some people are bound and determined to learn the hard way. It's not your job to hold his hand through whatever. He's grown, not a child. This clown has no regard or respect for OP's feelings, her time or her space. OP doesn't need an emotional octopus, she doesn't have to deal with him and she's under no obligation to be nice to him. He can take his feelings to a therapist and work it out there.
preraph Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Stop replying. If he persists with the messages, tell him you're too busy for social media messaging anymore and fade him out. Yes, this is what I would do, too. He's obviously going to continue, has too much time on his hands. I would just tell him, My life is getting very busy. I with you the best, but I've got to stop messaging and spend my time more productively. Sorry. Then he may respond with a phone call or something or asking for your number or something because he's wanting to take it as you only oppose messaging but not other means, and you just ignore that entirely. If he happens to write back understandingly, then one final message saying Thanks for understanding. Good luck. Then block him.
Author Angel29 Posted September 25, 2019 Author Posted September 25, 2019 Thank you all for being so kind and understanding. Last night he sent me a picture and video which I ignored and tonight he sent another picture. I have had to deactivate my social media to stop them coming through. At present I have a chest infection I am getting over, I am not working and am stressed looking for a job and I have started a course but am having difficulty getting my placement to co-operate and he is making it worse. I can't believe someone can make you feel so trapped. I don't understand why controlling men think you would want to date them.
kendahke Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Angel--you need to take it a step further and block him.
winny Posted September 26, 2019 Posted September 26, 2019 Just block him on all channels of communication. I do not understand what is the problem here? 1
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