Christian dating

[haikss3]

Maybe that was the problem as well. I think so also, Smackie.

 

We will meet in 38 minutes. This time she was ready to meet half an hour earlier than usual so I like that, that seems to be a good sign.

 

Will update how date went when I come back.

 

Update: So we met and I wanted go to horse Island to be closer to nature cause last weeks feels like I need more nature.

Before we met she wrote she have been thinking a lot. And tonite I asked what she thinked about and she kept silent for a moment and seemed like its hard to for her to say what's the matter. But she said she have been very doubtful lately and had doubts from very beginning. She said we shouldn't meet anymore. Like I did everything right and I'm good guy, but she's not right girl for me and that she like me but few moments later when I said that feeling is not there, she immediately agrees. So that's where she said opposite by agreeing with me.

 

We still held hands but walked in silence on dark island. She didn't know what to say. I knew what to say - so we prayed for each other.

Afterwards it felt much better and I let go her hand and never held again.

 

There was a lot of time left and I wanted to walk more on other brighter island and she said its nice. I still called this a date cause we did same things as ussual.

 

I talked a lot about myself and my path to faith and God. She reminded me how she turned to God, how things never was the same for her again. I escorded her to her house and we hugged for the last time. We parted.

Edited November 11, 2019 by haikss3

[haikss3]

Thank you everyone for advice and support. Thank you for posting and as the likes. Special thanks to Living Water and Smackie. You gave most clarity and good advice.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Awww, so sorry . How are you feeling?

[haikss3]

Well I felt emptyness today and some sadness. But word from God helps, so still reading Bible. Today at the way home I prayed God to fill me up with love and fill up the emptyness.

The days are dark and short now, and so are the mood. Anyway have been feeling worse than this. This is nothing compared to my younger years when been crying myself to sleep. Just feeling sob. No tears.

 

P. S. This post reminded me two songs -

 

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well I felt emptyness today and some sadness. But word from God helps, so still reading Bible. Today at the way home I prayed God to fill me up with love and fill up the emptyness.

 

Aww, I like that. Good for you.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you.

 

Keep praying that your soul mate is out there. God hears your prayers. Have faith.

[haikss3]

So I read all the posts just now and really seems like everyone who wrote more than one line of text gave really good advice as it proved later. Really it would have worked for longer by listening to all the advice but I ignored 90% of it by feeling "that I know better". Will I learn from it now? Probably not since I don't even listen to my friends and close people when it comes to advice about girls. But for sure I should. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Until its too late.

 

It probably will take me good while to get over this failure despite that I see good qualities in girls I see and hear near me.

Still having faith in God, Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit since faith was in first place before and still is. Now think that by dating I was putting a lot of pleasure rather than being friends and seeing if feelings can naturally escalate from there. It's sure painful to date and fail so in future think I will keep it only friendly with future wife.

[Lotsgoingon]

Sorry to hear of your disappointment.

 

Seems like the whole marriage conversation might (not sure) have had something to do with her feelings ... Just for the future, I want to point out something to you ...

 

Throughout this thread, you've been talking about this woman as your future wife ... you coined a term, wifu.

 

You talked about God and love ... I mean ... you went deep ... and then ... here's my confusion ... she brings up marriage, and you say, "we're only 2 months into the relationship. Too early to talk about marriage."

 

I'm like "what?!" You've been talking about marriage in about every post in this thread. Why couldn't you discuss qualities of a good marriage with her? This is someone who only wants to date apparently if there is a path to marriage. That sounded like your position as well.

 

So I'm thoroughly confused by your unwillingness to talk about qualities of a good marriage. I think you want to align your discussion here and with your self (in your own mind) about dating ... WITH what you are doing and discussing in dating. Those need to be aligned or people will pick up confused and confusing energy.

[d0nnivain]

Now think that by dating I was putting a lot of pleasure rather than being friends and seeing if feelings can naturally escalate from there. It's sure painful to date and fail so in future think I will keep it only friendly with future wife.

 

No. You are swinging the pendulum back too far the other way.

 

Come back to the middle & fundamentals. Friendship is a platonic non romantic, non sexual interaction. Dating is simply an organized event to spend time with someone to determine if there are romantic feelings worth pursuing. They are different; don't mix them up.

 

Slowing down & taking your time to get to know someone without putting early pressure about marriage & forever in there is a good thing. Intentionally friend-zoning yourself is self defeating. You rushed this last relationship & moved at warp speed. It was too much too intense & too soon, even without the physical aspects. You dove in without building a foundation. Going forward when you are ready to try again, be more circumspect.

 

Jesus' public ministry was 3 years. He had to prepare us to understand what he was doing & for his sacrifice. Millenia later we as humans still don't fully comprehend all of the divine mystery but we keep trying. Continue to pray but pray for patience & wisdom.

[haikss3]

Sorry to hear of your disappointment.

 

Seems like the whole marriage conversation might (not sure) have had something to do with her feelings ...

 

That's the main problem why we parted I think. Cause communication was weak, She kept so much to herself, so much untold feelings, needs and wants.

 

I, on the other hand, was not clear enough. She wanted structured questions from that book as a tool to help know each other.(I feel like she wanted confirmation of her doubts to end things) But I didn't like that book but was not against our own questions, I mean if she wanted to know something she should have asked from herself. Also, we should have dated for much longer before talking about marriage and my goal still was marriage but I wanted to enjoy some time without pressure since we wouldn't get married after 2 months anyway but it would take at least 12 months of dating before marriage. Also, things went bad and infatuation was over so I wanted more to talk about us next date but she made her own decision without even communicating with me so she decided it's over before even I had a chance to talk things over.

[haikss3]

Continue to pray but pray for patience & wisdom.

 

Well, I prayed today for peace and taking the pain away, filling up with peace. Think it will be a while to get over thoughts about what went wrong and where the problem why I wasn't good enough to continue dating me.

 

Sure I been friend-zoning myself in past with a lot of other girls only because I didn't want to get physical or wake up feelings of love. But even when those friendships ended it was still painful and someone always wanted more than being friends. Then again it was never only a friendships if things could have ended so easily.

 

This time I just didn't know what to do since never dated Christian girl before and wanted to give dating experience that girl been without for so many years. It seemed like this is it, this the one and there's very little chance find a more suitable girl since there are so little young Christian girls at my age and mostly they are already married or have real chainsaw personality thats unacessable.

[Lotsgoingon]

I agree: you don't want to rush into marriage. Absolutely!

 

So ... you really want to NOT call someone you're beginning to date a "future wife" or "wifu."

 

Stay away from those terms (even in yourself) or else you're going to have mixed and confusing energy. Use those terms when those terms become relevant ... according to your idea, 12 months in.

 

Just a suggestion--something I try to do myself.

[haikss3]

I was thinking before that if I had more faith in God and if I was grown bigger in Christ and God's world then everything would have been possible. Relationship with God can never be too good, so that's my future goal - create as good relationship with God as possible.

 

But today I was thinking that without God it wouldn't be possible to even meet once with girl cause church and faith did bring us together. I never had more than 3 dates in a row before with any girl(if watching movies in bed is not a date) but now we had 13 dates and all thanks to God who connected us.

 

Cause it's pretty unreal for me to meet a girl like that since even girls from my factory who also does handjob is not interested in me and other guys since most girls want a guy who earns significantly more than them or has a higher position. And for girls from the office in my factory, I'm completely invisible. But now this girl works in the office in other factory and probably earns 3 times more than me but despite that, we dated and I had more real dates with her than any other girl in my life so far. But what's best in all this that we stayed away from sin. And God was in the center, often even in conversations.