haikss3 Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 Alright, guys! So I'm 30-year-old male and going to church regularly for about 1 and half a year now. One of the things I prayed for to God was to give me a wife, accordingly to my character and as much faithfully fanatic as me. This summer I went to Church night to a small very local baptist church and people welcomed me there with wide open hands. One girl came to me to talk and get to know me since I was a new face, and most people on that night were regulars. I liked that she is brave enough and social, also her smile was perfect. Since then I went to this local church every Sunday and for first 3 times this girl said that she is happy to see me(third time I looked confused about it and she stopped saying it). Anyway summer went on but this girl stayed in mind, I went 44 days fasting without internet at all and during this fasting I decided after challenge will be over I will get on FB, get her phone number and call her. So she was already on my FB friends list, so messaged her, asked her number straight away and called straight away. Said that she is interesting girl and arranged date same week. We went to 4 dates and on first date I talked more about God than her. During these dates, I got to know that she is 27 years young and haven't dated since she became Christian 8 years ago. Also, we decided to keep away from sex, since its a sin before marriage for us hardcore Christians. On the fourth date - yesterday, she said that I have every quality she looked for in a guy since she wanted a guy who loves God more than her and takes the lead(leadership). Actually, she is everything I prayed for in a wife too, even that one thing that I hoped in a prayed but didn't say - wanted a girl to be smarter than me in faithful things, to learn from her. Anyway now just want to keep her since I never been longer with a girl than 2 months since they all dump me or lose interest. It's pretty rare to have 4 dates in a row too since only with 1 girl I had the same streak, so I was surprised to get this far, this time. Anyway now just want to keep this girl, since screwed up so many times before and even when things seemed good with some previous girls, things changed really fast unexpectedly. All those previous girls were not real Christians, but this girl serves to God and for me, it means that shes from God not from the world. So what would be good strategies to create long-lasting interest, relationship? 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 So what would be good strategies to create long-lasting interest, relationship? Just keep doin' what you're doin'? You two sound pretty compatible. 4
Gaeta Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 Keep being the person that you are, she will fall in love with you, or not. There is no other recipe. You don't even know yourself if you'll fall for her. Take time to date and to get to know each other. Be patient, communicative and genuine. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 So what would be good strategies to create long-lasting interest, relationship? Keep spending time with her. Talk about a variety of subjects. Get to know her. Attend services with her. Go on wholesome dates: eating dinner; playing sports; taking nature walks; going to museums; going to musical performances etc. Get to know her family & friends. Introduce her to the people in your life. Be courtly & gallant: opening doors, pulling out chairs, helping her on with her coat etc. Be attentive. Really listen when she talks. Remember dates like her birthday etc. Don't be needy or smother her. Don't push for sex or marriage. You really do need some serious time under your belts (at least 1 year together) before you get that serious. In short: be kind & have fun. 3
Foxhall Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 Interesting how you met and you did well on turning it into a relationship shows common ground can bring people together Yes try a few alternative type of dates other than the religious, a bit of variety and that is good, keep it fresh and with a view to exploring. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 haikss3, what a beautiful post! I kept reading and thinking your post was great but may be spoiled by some problem you or she has. It felt great to get through it only to learn things are going well for you two! And you've gotten some great advice here with most encouraging you to continue with what you've been doing! I agree wholeheartedly! Besides what is written I would advise you to continue praying for and about her. And at some point when you are comfortable enough you and she could share prayer concerns with each other. My friends and I do this with each other and when I've dated Christian men we have shared things with each other to pray about. Also, some Christian men I've dated have prayed with me on the phone or in person. It's very bonding to the extent that sometimes men and women are advised not to pray together if one of them is married or they don't want to become emotionally involved. Another great way to bond in a healthy way is for the two of you to do something together that helps someone else. For instance, take a meal to a shut in. Anything out in nature is also great! Things such as hiking or even taking a walk on a beautiful day. Walking is a great way to grow closer because it's relaxing and folks tend to share positive thoughts together when walking out-of-doors. 1
Author haikss3 Posted September 25, 2019 Author Posted September 25, 2019 Thanks for all the good advices guys. Sure LivingWater you understood me most since you is Christian too. I look forward to do praying together. Have to keep in good spirit shape for that since I'm better at praying when living faith everyday all day. Actually we walked all 4 dates lol since I need to lose weight and move more. But we went to tea house and restaurant too cause there was no place to walk where we haven't been yet. Also weather is cold and she wants to be in warm so have to figure out some thing besides walking dates. Good idea about helping others together since have to spread the love. 1
Gaeta Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 So many activities and sports you could do together that are fun like wall-climbing, badminton, swimming, Tai Chi, etc etc. 1
smackie9 Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Could even take a meditation class together or spiritual workshop. 1
Author haikss3 Posted September 25, 2019 Author Posted September 25, 2019 So many activities and sports you could do together that are fun like wall-climbing, badminton, swimming, Tai Chi, etc etc. Thanks for advice. We have swimming pool in town so that could be great option.
Author haikss3 Posted September 25, 2019 Author Posted September 25, 2019 Could even take a meditation class together or spiritual workshop. Thanks for advice Smackie! Meditation is more fur Buddhists but spiritual workshop - there's many God related workshops like recollections and such. So that also sounds great. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Also, some Christian men I've dated have prayed with me on the phone or in person. It's very bonding to the extent that sometimes men and women are advised not to pray together if one of them is married or they don't want to become emotionally involved. This will be a quick post as I'm pushed for time. A poster contacted me to express concern about the above bolded. To be clear, I do pray with men from time-to-time and some may be married, though I'm single. What I was advocating for haikss3 is to make prayer a regular ongoing frequent part of their relationship as much as possible. What I've been advised against and have experienced (not that it's happened to me because it hasn't, but have seen it happen for others) is that if a married person and single person of opposite genders begin meeting together often alone as prayer partners, because it's emotionally bonding and promotes intimacy, an affair can develop so I've heard it's best not to do so. Praying with a person of opposite gender, with one's pastor or counselor on a regular basis or once in a while is, to me, different than becoming close prayer partners who meet together often! I should have been clearer! Also, I was very close to my late father. We were LD, and every time we spoke on the phone we prayed together. So, of course, not referring to prayer with a family member of opposite gender either! Don't mean to thread jack but did want to clarify since at least one person was bothered by part of my post! 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 25, 2019 Posted September 25, 2019 Thanks for all the good advices guys... Please keep us posted, haikss3! It's so nice to read on LS about a relationship that's going well! 1
Author haikss3 Posted October 2, 2019 Author Posted October 2, 2019 Well I got sick for a week so we been only chatting every day. Might stay another week at home, but I'm waiting the day when we will meet again. At least staying at home is better than being in prison, I think cause then would feel really powerless and unsure if she will wait for me. Anyway she prayed for me once she got to know that I'm on sick. So that's nice. Her friend that are girl have cancer so when I think about it then my problems is nothing compared to that. 2
stillafool Posted October 2, 2019 Posted October 2, 2019 I just wanted to say your story is so sweet. I too prayed to God to send me a husband who was in his will for me. When I met my husband he was more than I prayed for and was not surprised that he had prayed for the same thing which brought him me. I think you just need to continue being yourself, praying together, worshiping together and doing all sorts of fun activities together and with like minded people. God bless and good luck. 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 3, 2019 Posted October 3, 2019 Well I got sick for a week so we been only chatting every day. Might stay another week at home, but I'm waiting the day when we will meet again. At least staying at home is better than being in prison, I think cause then would feel really powerless and unsure if she will wait for me. Anyway she prayed for me once she got to know that I'm on sick. So that's nice. Her friend that are girl have cancer so when I think about it then my problems is nothing compared to that. Thanks for the update, haikss3! I was so glad to read that your gf prayed for you! I hope you are soon feeling better than ever!
Author haikss3 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Posted October 3, 2019 Thanks for the update, haikss3! I was so glad to read that your gf prayed for you! I hope you are soon feeling better than ever! Thanks for your good wishes, LivingWater. Yes, I hope so too to feel great again soon. I remembered that this is not the first time she prayed for me. Cause when we started to date she thanked God for me. I also thanked God for her but it was before we even started to go on dates. But soon after I asked her out. First weeks when we started to meet we both didn't ask God anything cause we were so happy that it seemed like we have enough like there's no need to ask anything cause we were happy. So we just thanked God.
Author haikss3 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Posted October 7, 2019 (edited) So just came back from another date. It was rainy night so we went for hot drinks in pizzeria. We talked about everything that we wanted to talk before meeting. About boundaries in our Christian dating and whether guys and girls can be friends. Came to conclusion that kissing would be too much but innocent peck on a cheek etc. would be OK. Also agreed that guys and girls can't be friends. Anyway what's most important that we prayed together. Prayed for our relationship and asked God and Holy Spirit to guide us. I also thanked for her to God and thanked that my prayers are answered in best way God could. It felt like we catchet up all the time we were just chatting. - more than 10 days. We really have a lot in common to talk about. I have this gentle God's preserved heart in my hands who He's been saving up for me all these years. Now with that also big responsibility not to break it and so on. Cause she said that her heart never been broken and she haven't suffered from guys since she never had anything serious. It's nice. Will see how God is gona guide us in future. Edited October 7, 2019 by haikss3 1
lavenderandvelvet Posted October 8, 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 So just came back from another date. It was rainy night so we went for hot drinks in pizzeria. We talked about everything that we wanted to talk before meeting. About boundaries in our Christian dating and whether guys and girls can be friends. Came to conclusion that kissing would be too much but innocent peck on a cheek etc. would be OK. Also agreed that guys and girls can't be friends. Anyway what's most important that we prayed together. Prayed for our relationship and asked God and Holy Spirit to guide us. I also thanked for her to God and thanked that my prayers are answered in best way God could. It felt like we catchet up all the time we were just chatting. - more than 10 days. We really have a lot in common to talk about. I have this gentle God's preserved heart in my hands who He's been saving up for me all these years. Now with that also big responsibility not to break it and so on. Cause she said that her heart never been broken and she haven't suffered from guys since she never had anything serious. It's nice. Will see how God is gona guide us in future. Just want to note that the two of you should set up the boundaries you are comfortable with - physical and emotional - and go from there. My friend met her now husband at church. During courting they went on dates, camping, bible study, bars, and more. They did kiss and hold hands. They married as virgins. Now have 2 kids. Have fun!
Author haikss3 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Posted October 8, 2019 Well thanks for your input Lavender. We sure set psysical boundaries. Haven't talked about emotional boundaries. Its nice that your friends married as virgins. I think it's the right way for everyone, regardless of media and society pressure. To be honest I'm not a virgin anymore. But girl might be. I haven't asked and I don't care that much since I like her the way she are and she haven't dated since high school so even if she's not a virgin then so much time have passed already that it's not far from being a virgin. As for me then in spring it will be 2 years since I last sinned with girl in bed. So becoming more virgin like with every day. 1
Author haikss3 Posted October 9, 2019 Author Posted October 9, 2019 So we met tonite in church. There's and Alpha course happening now to indroduce new people who don't know anything about God, Jesus, faith and church to all these mentioned things. We both came like hour earlier to help with organizing stuff. We talked briefly several times and then she showed me church library and some books she have read. That's was the coolest point of us together this night cause I'm reading all kinds books since first grade and now my desk is full with faithful books. I sure was nervous at the start cause didn't know how night will go but when I got placed in youth group it was relaxed atmosphere there and we laughed a lot. What was interesting that I was sitting right next to girl's brother who is like 17-18 years old. I started conversation since knew from FB that he does sports professionaly. Excanged few sentences but hopefully will have chance to talk again and leave good impression cause we never talked before and somehow I care what her family thinks about me. BTW have to think about nickname for girl cause can't refer to her as a girl all the time. Today I called her in my mind my future wife cause all God's signs showed that she's the one after I prayed God for a wife. And today saw this cool name for wife - wifu. So will call her wifu on here from now on. Still I want tell her that I prayed for wife while ago before found in her everything I was praying and hoping for. Yesterday when we chatted I told her there's a lot I haven't told her but probably when we meet I'm gona tell her why she's so special to me. 1
Author haikss3 Posted October 12, 2019 Author Posted October 12, 2019 (edited) Today was our 6th date. We went to the bowling and had great time just playing. High fives after good hits and just felt good. Before game I prayed God for help cause was afraid to miss a lot and look lame by that. But I started perfectly and often result was pretty even between us two despite that she went to church that had bowling. Had good time and overall wifu won but I was happy for that. Then we went to pizzeria cause she was thirsty. We ordered healthy drinks and we prayed for each other, Blessed each other. I saw one girl from world who I used to date 3 years ago(she dumped me and stopped responding texts) . She still works in that pizzeria and she looked unhappy but that made me happy cause I was with wifu having it good, better than ever before. Got to know that wifu works in factory too and that's cool cause now it makes sense why we connect so well. I told her what I wanted to tell. That she truly seems like answer to my prayers. And also told her about one thing that's bothered me, that I'm not a virgin anymore and have slept with one girl in total in my life. But that was old me and she completely understood that. Cause people change their ways when coming closer to God. Also told her that I have suffered a lot from girls but God wants broken hearts too and heals them and feels them up with love. She told me about two guys who seemed to be sign from God but one went to another country but other got into relationship with other girl soon after showing interest to her. So since then she stopped looking into signs. Like always when saying goodbyes we hugged but this time we held longer and I didn't wanted to let her go. Cause this date was really different since we met during day not night and spent more time together. I knew that longer date will be nicer and it was. All Glory to God! Edited October 12, 2019 by haikss3 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 12, 2019 Posted October 12, 2019 (edited) Sounds like things are going well. I do want to caution you ... faith and deep connection with God still runs up against our own emotional health. I want to recommend the writings of the Christian counselors, Henry Cloud and John Townscend to you. They are fantastically insightful about intimate relationships ... and for negotiating differences. Right now you guys are probably in infatuation, a period in which we minimize and don't see differences. That's a fun phase ... as you advance, you'll come out to a more mature, less high form of connection. That's where the adult challenges begin and when understanding and setting boundaries becomes crucial. Cloud and Townscend have written some amazing books on boundaries ... including one called Boundaries in Marriage. If that title scares you, they also have one simply called "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" which has just been updated, I think. It's a classic. Priceless insight in these books. Edited October 12, 2019 by Lotsgoingon
Author haikss3 Posted October 13, 2019 Author Posted October 13, 2019 I don't understand how faith and deep connection with God can run up against our own emotional health? Also that's interesting, what kind of boundaries can be in marriage cause there's should be a lot of boundaries removed after marriage. That interested me, want to take a look on that book.
divegrl Posted October 13, 2019 Posted October 13, 2019 Hi! Thank you for sharing your story. When I was dating, the key for me was to keep pursuing God more then the other person. Once I started putting that other person over God, it was over because there was no Holy Spirit to hold the relationship together. It’s like a triangle with God on the top point. The more you chase after God, the closer you will grow. Have you defined the relationship yet? Many times with Christian dating it can feel like friends just hanging out. So make sure to have a dtr, and you can say what your intentions for this relationship are. I really agree with the above poster about the book on boundaries. Most Christian libraries have it and it’s great tool for dating as well as life in general. Hope this helps. Have a beautiful day my friend.
Recommended Posts