i dont understand his behaviour

[Chrys31]

You do know that coke is a whole lot addictive then pot will ever be. Not only that, the reaction to coke is a whole lot more manic then the stone pot will give you. Add in the cost difference and the irresponsibility of a single dad doing a drug like that and you've got a loser on your hands more times than not. Why take a chance on a dirt bag when you can have a good guy who is put together and wants to actually be with you past a hook up?

 

What I do always is keep things clear.

 

I attempt so. If it's not possible I just leave it.

 

In this case I left it.

 

If he contacts perhaps i will go out to give a go to clear up once and for all f 2 f.

 

If this is not possible again, then arivederci

[Chrys31]

He is married or using you OP. There isn't much else to say except slow yourself down to hear your own thoughts and care, about yourself.

 

 

You have made yourself easy pickins for disingenuous persons when you have a clinger grip on a person you do not know. Loosen the grip, this guy does not care about you. Welcome your self and enjoy being on your own. No one good will come to you when you are so afraid. It's a beacon of mistreat me on your forehead.

 

 

It seems some men and women get more excited the less they get from a potential partner.

 

 

There lies the reason for failure.

 

TBH... I have thought that maybe he is not as single as he has said. I have asked him numerous times tho.

 

He has mentioned several stuff about future too....

 

I wish some people were more honest with their intentions really

[Timshel]

Lovely woman, you already know this isn't enough. The battle you are fighting is with yourself. I am good enough you say to yourself....and so this guy will validate me, if I succeed in making this idiot care about me, that means something.

 

 

No, it means that you let some idiot use you. While you are seeking self worth sweetie, he is seeking getting laid.

 

 

Find more solid ground to walk on Chrys. You seem lovely and smart, trust yourself.

[Chrys31]

Lovely woman, you already know this isn't enough. The battle you are fighting is with yourself. I am good enough you say to yourself....and so this guy will validate me, if I succeed in making this idiot care about me, that means something.

 

 

No, it means that you let some idiot use you. While you are seeking self worth sweetie, he is seeking getting laid.

 

 

Find more solid ground to walk on Chrys. You seem lovely and smart, trust yourself.

 

Absolutely it's not enough.

 

That's why I've been trying to get to the bottom of this

[Timshel]

The bottom of what?

[Chrys31]

The bottom of what?

 

This behaviour

[smackie9]

I think everyone has already pointed that out...that you are an option when it is convenient for him, and who knows what he has hidden...a GF? a wife? a lover?

 

 

BTW if you two are out and about and the POPO pulls ya over, he could simply turn around and say the coke is yours hidden under the passenger seat.

[Chrys31]

The bottom of what?

 

I think everyone has already pointed that out...that you are an option when it is convenient for him, and who knows what he has hidden...a GF? a wife? a lover?

 

 

BTW if you two are out and about and the POPO pulls ya over, he could simply turn around and say the coke is yours hidden under the passenger seat.

 

So you think he is hiding something

[Beendaredonedat]

Yes, a wife, another chica, a livein g/f (have you been to his home?) or some coke under the passenger seat (maybe). All speculation of course but the red flags are red enough for you to not ignore.

[Chrys31]

Yes, a wife, another chica, a livein g/f (have you been to his home?) or some coke under the passenger seat (maybe). All speculation of course but the red flags are red enough for you to not ignore.

 

Well he had invited me but i couldn't make it. He said he has bought a flat and he is gonna move in and wants to invite me.

 

Of course I can't be 100% sure

[stillafool]

He's "gonna move in and invite me" doesn't sound like he's actually bought the flat yet. This guy does coke often or he wouldn't have done it around you who is not into coke. If it were a sometime thing he would wait and do it with a friend. He buys it and did it in front of you. A guy who was trying to impress you wouldn't do that unless you had expressed and interest in the drug. That was disrespectful to you.

[Versacehottie]

Well I ain't gonna contact anyway.

 

If he wants out of this then fine. As a person I like to keep things clear that's just who I am.

 

From the beginning I said that I want a relationship and he said he is looking for the same.

 

It doesn't explain tho his behaviour when I say I will go out and him snooping my dating profile.

 

I believe he has misled me a bit.[/QUOTE]

 

Um, at this point you are misleading yourself. I'm looking for a relationship doesn't mean with "you", especially if he's not acting like he wants that "with you". You are getting hung up on words and what he said in April when you first met or what was on his profile. Responsibility for how your love life goes is on you. At this point, you are conveniently ignoring the signs, despite what is right in front of you. This is not smart of you.

 

You think you are being "clear" when at this point you are verging on badgering for an answer that he won't give you because it serves him to keep things as they are. If by this point he is not escalating things, he probably won't.

 

I agree he is "hiding" things and the MOST obvious one is that he doesn't want to tell you directly of what his feelings are because that threatens the status quo for him. Don't get that excited over this, i.e. "well he must want to keep dating me, seeing me then and that's a good thing", it's not. Not in this context. Deciding you are not going to chase after him feels like a ploy since you will respond if he reaches out to you. It's not much different except you are trying to force the issue. What would be "different" is deciding proactively that this isn't good enough for you and you aren't interested, calling it off directly when you get back or when he finally reaches out to you. There is passive response or active. Taking the passive one, which you are, means you are still waiting--giving him space in your head and heart.

[Chrys31]

He's "gonna move in and invite me" doesn't sound like he's actually bought the flat yet. This guy does coke often or he wouldn't have done it around you who is not into coke. If it were a sometime thing he would wait and do it with a friend. He buys it and did it in front of you. A guy who was trying to impress you wouldn't do that unless you had expressed and interest in the drug. That was disrespectful to you.

 

He didn't do it in front of me I asked to see it as I believed in the beginning he was joking or something.

 

about the house I asked him why hasn't he moved in despite he has bought it for months now.

 

He said there have been some administrative issues and now he got the keys.

[Versacehottie]

you have to wake up. The level of what you know about this guy is like you are acquaintances, i.e. 100% casual and going nowhere. It sounds like FWBs at BEST!

 

He doesn't respect you. BTW, you shouldn't have much respect for him.

[stillafool]

He didn't do it in front of me I asked to see it as I believed in the beginning he was joking or something.

 

about the house I asked him why hasn't he moved in despite he has bought it for months now.

 

He said there have been some administrative issues and now he got the keys.

 

What prompted you to ask to see his coke stash? The concerning part is he actually had a stash to show you. Why is he keeping coke around?

[Chrys31]

What prompted you to ask to see his coke stash? The concerning part is he actually had a stash to show you. Why is he keeping coke around?

 

I honestly dunno at all.

 

I just hope he doesn't do it often

[ExpatInItaly]

I honestly dunno at all.

 

I just hope he doesn't do it often

 

I have yet to meet a very occasional user who has a stash on hand.

 

You need to wake up, Chrys.

[Chrys31]

I have yet to meet a very occasional user who has a stash on hand.

 

You need to wake up, Chrys.

 

Well as I said I dunno what's going on.

 

And most likely it's over anyway as he hasn't contacted at all

[Versacehottie]

What prompted you to ask to see his coke stash? The concerning part is he actually had a stash to show you. Why is he keeping coke around?

 

Totally agree. Asking to see "his stash" pretty much validates his behavior. It was an immature move on your part. If you want to be respected and want to show that you are not into coke, you don't ask to see it, like you are 5 year olds who just found a lizard!

 

He's a dad (right?), and he's half-dating you and he thinks this is cool and you played into it. You think perhaps being curious about his life or pumping him up in some way is helping YOUR cause with him. It's not. You know what girl he will probably fall in love with? The one that says, "what?", "coke?", "you're an idiot". And backs off because of it. You just showed him you're willing to go along with almost anything to be with him, which is the real problem as far as you getting somewhere with him.

[Chrys31]

Totally agree. Asking to see "his stash" pretty much validates his behavior. It was an immature move on your part. If you want to be respected and want to show that you are not into coke, you don't ask to see it, like you are 5 year olds who just found a lizard!

 

He's a dad (right?), and he's half-dating you and he thinks this is cool and you played into it. You think perhaps being curious about his life or pumping him up in some way is helping YOUR cause with him. It's not. You know what girl he will probably fall in love with? The one that says, "what?", "coke?", "you're an idiot". And backs off because of it. You just showed him you're willing to go along with almost anything to be with him, which is the real problem as far as you getting somewhere with him.

 

 

Sorry I don't agree .

 

I asked because I thought he was joking or something at first.

 

Then I said that I would be scared to do this as I have heard it has effects like palpitations etc and generally bad effect to the brain.

 

I told him not to even think about doing it when together of course.

 

Also how does he now it's pure or not mixed with something else.

 

But anyway that's a moot point now as I believe it's over.

 

Apparently he chickened out because he doesn't want a relationship and thought he would be stringing me along.

[Versacehottie]

Ok that's fine.

 

So why are you acting sad exactly?

 

You have just gotten this loser out of your life. You should be celebrating.

[Chrys31]

Ok that's fine.

 

So why are you acting sad exactly?

 

You have just gotten this loser out of your life. You should be celebrating.

 

Well it's not exactly pleasant to be lied to

[Versacehottie]

Ugh, it's exasperating. No it isn't pleasant to be lied to. Why are you taking someone from a dating app, in light of all that you have learned about him in this time & caught up on one half-sentence from months ago. There has been an avalanche of detail that opposes that one sentence, i.e. i don't want a relationship with you or perhaps anyone.

 

You need to be more skeptical or on your guard when you are dating. It's all a discovery, exploration process. In fact, someone who is a great guy and has never lied to you might ALSO come to the same conclusion: that he doesn't want to continue with you. You are also free to come to the same conclusion at any point in time. People like yourself really baffle me. Do you honestly and realistically believe because someone says in a profile or gives you lip service on a first date that they OWE it to you to continue regardless. NOTHING he has been doing would suggest he wants a relationship with you. You are not guaranteed one just cause you have a live one in your hands. Perhaps it is that desperation and lack of standards that has you in this very position. TBH, I have my doubts that he "lied" to you. Otherwise you would have repeatedly hung onto the fact that he said "he wanted to be together forever" and instead you are harping on the fact that he snooped on your dating profile recently. You are grasping at straws.

 

It's like you are seeing the evidence and interpreting the way you want to support what you want to support while ignoring the HUGE problem that exists. It's kind of unbelievable really. What can you do to make yourself feel better in this moment? What can you do to shore yourself up so this is not a reoccurring theme in your life?

[Chrys31]

Ugh, it's exasperating. No it isn't pleasant to be lied to. Why are you taking someone from a dating app, in light of all that you have learned about him in this time & caught up on one half-sentence from months ago. There has been an avalanche of detail that opposes that one sentence, i.e. i don't want a relationship with you or perhaps anyone.

 

You need to be more skeptical or on your guard when you are dating. It's all a discovery, exploration process. In fact, someone who is a great guy and has never lied to you might ALSO come to the same conclusion: that he doesn't want to continue with you. You are also free to come to the same conclusion at any point in time. People like yourself really baffle me. Do you honestly and realistically believe because someone says in a profile or gives you lip service on a first date that they OWE it to you to continue regardless. NOTHING he has been doing would suggest he wants a relationship with you. You are not guaranteed one just cause you have a live one in your hands. Perhaps it is that desperation and lack of standards that has you in this very position. TBH, I have my doubts that he "lied" to you. Otherwise you would have repeatedly hung onto the fact that he said "he wanted to be together forever" and instead you are harping on the fact that he snooped on your dating profile recently. You are grasping at straws.

 

It's like you are seeing the evidence and interpreting the way you want to support what you want to support while ignoring the HUGE problem that exists. It's kind of unbelievable really. What can you do to make yourself feel better in this moment? What can you do to shore yourself up so this is not a reoccurring theme in your life?

 

 

I never said that anyone owes me anything.

 

But when you ask them openly what they want out of this and generally try to make an adult conversation about things i am expecting just that.

 

Its easy imo in this day and age to say look i dont want a relationship if they dont want that.

 

There are also plenty of women who dont want relationship.

 

i will find someone else he will also so i dont know whats so difficult about it.

 

Anyway I have been talking to other guys so no big deal

[Chrys31]

Dating casually i would say a single dad since April.

 

He said he is looking for a relationship as I am.

 

His communication pattern is erratic and when i question about it he says he is busy and doesnt ignore me (Which is partially true, he bought a house recently and he does work there as well).

 

However, things are going very slow with him.

 

He has mentioned future stuff that he wants to do together, including saying he wants to cook for me and invite me to his place, he says he is very attracted to me.

 

Whilst i was on holiday he reached out and he said he hurt his arm and said also he wanted to meet me right after i come back. He was also very sexual and said he desires me

 

At that day, he said he was on call in his shift as he was an engineer but didnt expect any job to come up.

 

Long story short it came up and he said he is gutted we didnt meet up and that he wanted to try this week (last week when i came back from holiday)

 

I texted him on Wed, asking him what day did he want to come and he said that he was not sure yet as his arm is really bad and he has painting job in his new flat but he cant wait to see me

 

We spoke again today but he didnt mention to meet but he said his struggles and again called me babe etc.

 

I dont know what to do, shall i start looking for others? Shall i tell him to finish?

 

Ive already made a discussion in the past as to what he wants from this as i want someone for regular dating and he says he will have more time going forward to the summer which is not happening.

 

Just a note, he doesnt have full custody of his son and he was not married before as he said to me, just engaged.

 

II just dont know what to do