Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Also let me know when you're back in my book means just that. Not to initiate contact
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Well he asked me to let him know when I'm back and I let him know already. I told him I'll be back on the 4th. So I guess he will contact if he wants to go out or for general catch up Not gonna contact him anymore Good for you, I wouldn't either.
basil67 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 The biggest thing which stands out to me is that he dismisses your concerns about low communication as you being "silly". Not only is he refusing to address your concerns, but is being patronising to boot. 1
greymatter Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Nice, he is a single dad to a child and cocaine is his drug of choice. He would not in any way be someone I'd want to date. He is showing poor judgement and as you have articulated, there are other issues. You can do much, much better. 1
Gretchen12 Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 So did you have a fight? You said something about let you know if he doesn't want to continue, and he said something about let him know when you're back. Was that meant to be like "whatever..." You're both still on the dating site. That means it's still very casual at this point. It seems having had sex was a big deal to you, but probably was not to him, neither is doing coke. You meet all sorts online. Frankly I don't understand what precisely was wrong with the communication. I only know you have been unhappy and then it all came to a head.
Versacehottie Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 Also let me know when you're back in my book means just that. Not to initiate contact Then why are you looking for answers "to what you guys are to each other" via his snoop on your dating profile? (or even whatsapp if that's what profile you meant). Either of those avenues is a poor substitute for ACTUALLY being in a good, moving forward place. "Let me know"=YOU tell him. Lastly if it's casual, which it surely seems like it is (or perhaps falling apart), there is very little expectation or concern of what your comings and goings are. Only when it will suit each of you and when that happens to finally be on the same page, i.e. date/time. He is acting like someone who is fine with some time off from you, just saying. This is a loose arrangement at best. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 So did you have a fight? You said something about let you know if he doesn't want to continue, and he said something about let him know when you're back. Was that meant to be like "whatever..." You're both still on the dating site. That means it's still very casual at this point. It seems having had sex was a big deal to you, but probably was not to him, neither is doing coke. You meet all sorts online. Frankly I don't understand what precisely was wrong with the communication. I only know you have been unhappy and then it all came to a head. No we didn't fight. He said he can't meet this week before me going holiday and I said I understand and if in any case he doesn't want to continue this to let me know. I also said that yes I would like to meet when I get back why not. His reply was let me know when you are back so he skipped what I said above So I let him know when I back already. The ball is in his court. I just believe I have done everything on my side
chillii Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 (edited) Yeah , you've done more than enough imo/ Hate to say it though but whenever l see sex mentioned so often in the same post as his all seeming sorta low interest that usually adds up to one thing sorry to say, the two aren't connected . Anyway , if he is into this then you'll certainly be hearing from him now your back. he should be chomping at the bit, but l wouldn't rush off too sleep with him , see if he wants to do other things for awhile, like spend some time with you. Edited July 20, 2019 by chillii
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 Yeah , you've done more than enough imo/ Hate to say it though but whenever l see sex mentioned so often in the same post as his all seeming sorta low interest that usually adds up to one thing sorry to say, the two aren't connected . Anyway , if he is into this then you'll certainly be hearing from him now your back. he should be chomping at the bit, but l wouldn't rush off too sleep with him , see if he wants to do other things for awhile, like spend some time with you. I agree I don't think I should contact him right now. I believe I've done enough already. Really if he is interested he will catch up as he knows I'm interested. Also if he is bothered from the fact I am on the site and or that I'm going out then he should say so. I already said I want something regular etc Dunno why the difficulty
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 You're an option for him, OP, but you're taking this much more seriously than he is. Sure, he likes your company well enough when it's convenient for him but he's not interested enough to make it a more regular thing. I wouldn't bother trying to have a conversation about it. His actions are making his feelings about this crystal clear. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 You're an option for him, OP, but you're taking this much more seriously than he is. Sure, he likes your company well enough when it's convenient for him but he's not interested enough to make it a more regular thing. I wouldn't bother trying to have a conversation about it. His actions are making his feelings about this crystal clear. well def im not gonna bother him anymore
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 You're an option for him, OP, but you're taking this much more seriously than he is. Sure, he likes your company well enough when it's convenient for him but he's not interested enough to make it a more regular thing. I wouldn't bother trying to have a conversation about it. His actions are making his feelings about this crystal clear. well he said to meet daily when i move to the area that he works as i mentioned above
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 well he said to meet daily when i move to the area that he works as i mentioned above I wouldn't hold your breath on that.
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 I wouldn't hold your breath on that. Well anyway i told him that if he doesnt want to continue, to let me know and i already told him what i want as well. Didnt even ask for committment at this point as i dont know him well enough, but yes i want to get to know him and the way is to meet regularly. Its up to him if he follows up so im gonna give him space
elaine567 Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 Meeting "regularly" does not imply a relationship, it implies casual. You met this guy in April and you say you hardly know him and you are both still on dating sites and neither of you are really making time to see each other. Everything is so casual and loose it will never go anywhere. He is a single dad with a kid, I guess he enjoys the sex when he can fit you into his schedule, otherwise he isn't bothered.. Let it go. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 Meeting "regularly" does not imply a relationship, it implies casual. You met this guy in April and you say you hardly know him and you are both still on dating sites and neither of you are really making time to see each other. Everything is so casual and loose it will never go anywhere. He is a single dad with a kid, I guess he enjoys the sex when he can fit you into his schedule, otherwise he isn't bothered.. Let it go. Sorry I wouldn't make such assumptions based that someone is a single dad. He doesn't have full custody and single dads do move forward with others in relationships all the time My point is what is that he wants it's unclear really as he says he wants to do stuff together but then I'm not fully sure. I wanna make time for him and vice versa just wanna know where I stand really and what would he want out of this. For now I'm not gonna contact tho
elaine567 Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 . He doesn't have full custody and single dads do move forward with others in relationships all the time Of course they do but this one is so laid back about you he is horizontal The fact he is a single Dad and somewhat "busy" is in his favour, but you need more than he is willing to give you. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 Well I won't contact again now in order to give him space
Beendaredonedat Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 If only an occasional thing coke is the last thing that worries me I can't believe you just said that. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 I can't believe you just said that. I meant that sometimes I can do weed very occasionally if that is the case with coke it would not bother me. Not if it is done regularly tho.
Versacehottie Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 Well anyway i told him that if he doesnt want to continue, to let me know and i already told him what i want as well. Didnt even ask for committment at this point as i dont know him well enough, but yes i want to get to know him and the way is to meet regularly. Its up to him if he follows up so im gonna give him space IMO, you shouldn't have said that bolded. Act like a leader and determiner of what happens in your life and it will gain you much better results. You've just thrown yourself on a platter with a side of self-doubt and low confidence, it's not appetizing. He was already acting like he was on the fence; a statement like this turns it into a NO typically. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 Sorry I wouldn't make such assumptions based that someone is a single dad. He doesn't have full custody and single dads do move forward with others in relationships all the time My point is what is that he wants it's unclear really as he says he wants to do stuff together but then I'm not fully sure. I wanna make time for him and vice versa just wanna know where I stand really and what would he want out of this. For now I'm not gonna contact tho He is absolutely showing you what he wants out of "this". He skirted the issue at least two times you tried to discuss the relationship or where is this going. (means the status quo on his terms is ok and he will pull the plug when he wants; he is not worried about stepping up or losing you). He fails to make plans and won't budge when you try to make them with him. You've been seeing each other since April and are both still on the dating site where you met. Where you stand is fully in limbo with this guy. I'm guessing it will go nowhere. You can accept it now & stop waiting around for him or hoping for something more. I think it's bad to continue with someone who only wants casual when you want more. I don't think every single dad will be difficult to get into a relationship but it might be more skewed that way and you just have to look at the evidence as to what is going on with this specific guy. Enjoy your vacation, have a fling, meet guys, have fun with your friends, keep it going when you get back and I would drop this guy if I were you. 2
Author Chrys31 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Posted July 20, 2019 He is absolutely showing you what he wants out of "this". He skirted the issue at least two times you tried to discuss the relationship or where is this going. (means the status quo on his terms is ok and he will pull the plug when he wants; he is not worried about stepping up or losing you). He fails to make plans and won't budge when you try to make them with him. You've been seeing each other since April and are both still on the dating site where you met. Where you stand is fully in limbo with this guy. I'm guessing it will go nowhere. You can accept it now & stop waiting around for him or hoping for something more. I think it's bad to continue with someone who only wants casual when you want more. I don't think every single dad will be difficult to get into a relationship but it might be more skewed that way and you just have to look at the evidence as to what is going on with this specific guy. Enjoy your vacation, have a fling, meet guys, have fun with your friends, keep it going when you get back and I would drop this guy if I were you. Well I ain't gonna contact anyway. If he wants out of this then fine. As a person I like to keep things clear that's just who I am. From the beginning I said that I want a relationship and he said he is looking for the same. It doesn't explain tho his behaviour when I say I will go out and him snooping my dating profile. I believe he has misled me a bit.
Beendaredonedat Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 I meant that sometimes I can do weed very occasionally if that is the case with coke it would not bother me. Not if it is done regularly tho. You do know that coke is a whole lot addictive then pot will ever be. Not only that, the reaction to coke is a whole lot more manic then the stone pot will give you. Add in the cost difference and the irresponsibility of a single dad doing a drug like that and you've got a loser on your hands more times than not. Why take a chance on a dirt bag when you can have a good guy who is put together and wants to actually be with you past a hook up?
Timshel Posted July 20, 2019 Posted July 20, 2019 He is married or using you OP. There isn't much else to say except slow yourself down to hear your own thoughts and care, about yourself. You have made yourself easy pickins for disingenuous persons when you have a clinger grip on a person you do not know. Loosen the grip, this guy does not care about you. Welcome your self and enjoy being on your own. No one good will come to you when you are so afraid. It's a beacon of mistreat me on your forehead. It seems some men and women get more excited the less they get from a potential partner. There lies the reason for failure. 1
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