Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Hi I met this guy on April who is a single dad. We have a good chemistry, including sexual chemistry. The problem is that his communication pattern is quite erratic since we started dating and we haven't seen each other many times I asked him before we had sex what is that he wants out of this and pointed out gently the need for communication. He says always don't Be silly I'm not ignoring you I am busy with work and other stuff because he is gonna move to his newly bought flat. He said he wants regular dating like me and that moving forward to the summer he will have more time. He has mentioned future stuff about us and what he would like us to do together. After sex where he stayed the night. I noticed he is a bit distant so I asked him about it. He said again don't be silly I'm not ignoring you etc. He asked me out 2 times the past weeks but I couldn't make it as I had other plans and his suggestion was last minute. We live close by tho. Now. I asked him out this week before I left for holiday and he said he can't as he is working all week and this was short notice. He also went one week without contact but he snooped my profile on the dating site we both are. He suggested to do something when I come back. I said I understand that he can't meet. I just also told him That in any case if he doesn't want to continue this to let me know and that I would like to meet when he is back why not as he said to do something when I am back if I want. He said to let him know when I'm back and he wished me a nice holiday. He is also going on Monday. The discussion ended by me saying that I'm back on the 4th. What should I do?? Should i assume he is playing me? I asked him times if he is really single and said yes. So basically he also before sex asked me if I want only him etc. Truth is on sex it was good but intermittently he was falling a bit and then he told me he took coke. He showed me the thing as well. But overall was really good and intense. I don't know what is happening on his end and don't know if I should be looking for others... When I also said I had plans when he asked me these two times recently he seemed pissed and he was asking questions with who what I did etc Help!
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 I think it would be in your best interests to not put too much emotion into this guy. He is not nurturing a relationship with you in the least and most of your time together you have painted it as being about getting together to have sex and not much actual dating... correct me if I'm wrong. Have you been to his home? Do you know where he works? Does he contact you outside of the dating site? Have you had an exclusive talk with him?
schlumpy Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Oh the glories of online dating. Yes, move on. When you find the right guy you won't be posting on this forum that he won't make time to see you or he's too busy. He will let you know what he is doing and you will be a part of his life not someone looking in from the outside. When you are with him nothing else will matter. Don't short change yourself. Demand some romance. Best Wishes 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 His actions say it all hun. Trust me, when someone is truly interested in you they will make every effort to stay connected no matter how busy they are. I don't think he's 'playing' you necessarily but he definitely isn't as into you as you might think or hoping for. Men are pretty simple creatures most of the time. Don't waste a whole lot of time trying to figure him out and wondering what you did or can do to get him to step up. He won't because he's not at the same place as you are. Keep your options open and move on. 1
malaiyas Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 The best rule of thumb when dating is, "if they like you, you'll know it. If they don't, you'll be confused." You're confused? Move on. Create the space for someone who'll make sure you know it to come into your life. 3
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 (edited) No you should not assume he's playing you. He is no more playing you then you are playing him. On top of that you come across as needy. Why on earth would you raise the communication issue twice already? It's more in your mind then reality. Go on your vacation. When you get home, reach out to him & set up a date. Give him some notice this time. Maybe you will get lucky & he will offer something earlier then what you suggest. For example, if you are home on the 4th on the 3rd or from the AP you could contact him offering a date on Wednesday the 7th. He may offer to pick you up or say no I don't want to wait that long how about tomorrow? You gotta meet people half way. It sounds like you both have busy lives. If you are not willing to drop or rearrange your plans for him you can't be annoyed when he doesn't rearrange his plans for you. Edited July 19, 2019 by d0nnivain 3
Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Yes of course we talk on what's app not the site but he has snooped at my profile. We have dated outside most of the time just the last time we saw each other we had sex. I'm not needy I just wanna know where I stand ?? He did invite me to his house but I couldn't go at the time. He stayed all night at mine last time I just don't know what's going on
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 So.. No phone calls/texting only messaging on an app? No exclusive talk? You don't know where you stand? Surely you know you are not a priority because his action clearly show you that you aren't. Keep your heart out of it until you talk of exclusivity, you've met his friends and family and he's making regular dates often with you. That means you have to be open to being wooed which, so far it doesn't appear you have been.
stillafool Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Yes of course we talk on what's app not the site but he has snooped at my profile. We have dated outside most of the time just the last time we saw each other we had sex. I'm not needy I just wanna know where I stand ?? He did invite me to his house but I couldn't go at the time. He stayed all night at mine last time I just don't know what's going on Have you tried asking him where you stand in his life? 1
Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Have you tried asking him where you stand in his life? No messaging on the dating app. We text on WhatsApp I asked him what he wants out of this and I said that i had mentioned before we met even that i am looking for someone, for regular dating and i am saying this because I enjoy his company. Then he said he is gonna have more time as we go forward to the summer. But last time we spoke a few days ago he said to meet when i am back. TBF i have already told him im back at 4th, i dont wanna contact him again now. I even said to him that if in any case he doesnt wanna continue this, to let me know??
smackie9 Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 (edited) He's a single dad and he does coke? Did I get that right? Girl don't buy his bs.....actions speak louder than words. If you have to keep asking if everything is OK, then it's not OK. Dump this chump. He's not that into you....he only tells you what you want to hear to keep you on the hook at his convenience.....whenever that is. Edited July 19, 2019 by smackie9 2
Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 He's a single dad and he does coke? Did I get that right? Girl don't buy his bs.....actions speak louder than words. If you have to keep asking if everything is OK, then it's not OK. Dump this chump. He's not that into you....he only tells you what you want to hear to keep you on the hook at his convenience.....whenever that is. Yes i was surprised as well and i asked why he did that then he said you know you thought im a good boy and he said he is a good Boy with some bad sides to it and he kissed me . this is what im thinking too. but then i mentioned my plan to move to the area he is working because the transport is more convienient for me to go to my work and he said great we will meet daily etc.... I am not sure whats going wrong here. Too many mixed signals and he looks pissedn when i say ill go out???? I just wanna have an adult convo??
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 He's a coke user. That alone should have you running far away from him IF you have any respect for your own emotional well being. Gurl... the red flags are a flying and you're doing your best to ignore them or negate them including starting this threads in hopes of getting advise on how to ignore your gut. Get rid of him. His "distance" after spending the night with you was him probably going through a bit of withdrawl from coke. 2
Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 If only an occasional thing coke is the last thing that worries me
Versacehottie Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Yes of course we talk on what's app not the site but he has snooped at my profile. We have dated outside most of the time just the last time we saw each other we had sex. I'm not needy I just wanna know where I stand ?? He did invite me to his house but I couldn't go at the time. He stayed all night at mine last time I just don't know what's going on You want a verbal answer from him but in reality “where u Guys stand” is going to come in the form of an actions answer. Also if you both are still on the site where you met, you should not be taking this seriously because it doesn’t look like he is. Demands and pushing for answers don’t go hand in hand with this setup. I agree you should meet each other half way. Try that when u get back. Right now you are just dating casually IMO.
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 His use of coke would explain his unavailability. When he said let me know when you are back he was telling you straight up that he was not going to contact you until after you returned from your trip. He was also clearly placing the obligation to reach out on you. If you do not call him when you return, this is over. 2
spiderowl Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Beware of future faking - it is what some guys are really good at - talk as if you have a future together but the reality of a committed relationship never seems to happen. Best to go by actions not talk. If he wants to see you, he will be in contact as soon as you are home. He will make definite plans and if you two are getting on well, he will want more commitment. A guy asking a girl to be exclusive with him is not commitment: it just means he doesn't want you to have sex with anyone else. Unless he says he is going to be exclusive with you, it cannot be trusted. Consistency, regular and caring communication, actions not words, that's what you need to look out for. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 You want a verbal answer from him but in reality “where u Guys stand” is going to come in the form of an actions answer. Also if you both are still on the site where you met, you should not be taking this seriously because it doesn’t look like he is. Demands and pushing for answers don’t go hand in hand with this setup. I agree you should meet each other half way. Try that when u get back. Right now you are just dating casually IMO. Casually fine but he got pissed about going out and snooping my profile. My big problem right now is the communication especially after sex
Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 I already let him know when I am back on my last text.. I guess if he is interested he will contact me even after the trip??
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 I already let him know when I am back on my last text.. I guess if he is interested he will contact me even after the trip?? Contacting you after your trip isn't a sign he is interested in things going further than they already are. Its just an indication that he's good with the sporadic meet ups. If he's interested in advancing the relationship, he will make time to be with you so he gets to know you better. He will nurture that goal.
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 I already let him know when I am back on my last text.. I guess if he is interested he will contact me even after the trip?? He probably won't contact you once you are back. When he said "let me know when you are back" he was not asking you to specify the date when you would return. He was telling you to get in touch with him. He put that ball firmly in your court. If you expect him to call you some time after the 4th, I predict you will be waiting fruitlessly. 2
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Well, she's told him when she will be back. If he gives a hoot about her, he will contact her. If he is apathetic about her he will use the excuse that he told her to contact him when she got back but she didn't should she call him out on his apathy.
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Right & he's already been apathetic. I am telling her what his statement meant: he's expecting her to call him. He won't call. I just don't want her waiting & hoping. I suppose I could be wrong; it's happened before but I don't have a whole lot of optimism here. 2
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 I don't have a whole lot of optimism either. It's really crazy how you don't have any doubt or confusion when someone is actually into you and you them. There is none of the ambiguity the Op is currently feeling.
Author Chrys31 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 You want a verbal answer from him but in reality “where u Guys stand” is going to come in the form of an actions answer. Also if you both are still on the site where you met, you should not be taking this seriously because it doesn’t look like he is. Demands and pushing for answers don’t go hand in hand with this setup. I agree you should meet each other half way. Try that when u get back. Right now you are just dating casually IMO. I don't have a whole lot of optimism either. It's really crazy how you don't have any doubt or confusion when someone is actually into you and you them. There is none of the ambiguity the Op is currently feeling. Well he asked me to let him know when I'm back and I let him know already. I told him I'll be back on the 4th. So I guess he will contact if he wants to go out or for general catch up Not gonna contact him anymore 1
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