max3732 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 With the same woman I met online I mentioned before that I called we had scheduled our first date at a restaurant for dinner and confirmed it the day before. About 3 hours before we were supposed to meet I sent her a text asking if we could change it to 15 to 30 minutes later. If she said no that would have been fine, but if she could do it later it would have been a bit more convenient for me. Instead she sends me back something saying she cancelled the reservation and is furious because she changed her plans to meet then and is a very punctual person and it's clear we are not a good fit for each other. When I saw that I was kind of shocked thought about telling her I could still meet at the original time, but figured if she reacted like that she's probably nuts and not worth pursuing. Maybe this was a mistake, but I did tell her later I could have made it and I thought the way she acted was unreasonable. Then she said she's glad she avoided someone as nasty as me. So we didn't really leave it in the best terms and I'm still extremely confused by her behavior.
scooby-philly Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 OP, Perhaps you could have explained why you needed to move it back or at least even stated that you asking for it to make it a bit easier for you but were okay with the original time. However, it's not unreasonable to have to reschedule things a bit. At this point, given you didn't meet yet - it's a red flag. If you had been rude or inconsiderate about it, if it was date #10 and it was a pattern, then that would be one thing. But to have her overreact first without even stopping to ask you why it's immature. Relationships are about compromise and if she can't compromise on the first date, then imagine what happens at date 10 or 100
Gaeta Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 She was looking for an excuse to not go. You can see by her reaction she'd be a pain to date. Do you want someone that inflexible in your life? nah. I remember once running out of my house to meet someone for coffee for the first time. In the drive-way there was the roof contractor.....I had completely forgot about him !!! Of course I had to go around the house with him, etc etc. I called my date, he had just made it to the coffee place............he waited a full hour for me to be done with roof contractor!! What a sweetheart! We dated a couple of months. 1
kendahke Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 She's a jerk. Plain and simple. Probably why her crazy behind is on OLD. You dodged a nuclear warhead. 3
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 First date, first impressions....and you stepped in it even further when you admitted you could have gotten there on time making this date was not much of a priority (was that your intent to get back at her?). Furthering the insult you called her unreasonable. It's no wonder she REALLY got her panties all in a knot at the end there. I get it she DID over react proving she is not a flexible person or maybe she's been stood up terribly a few too many times. Me personally I would have responded with "Well good to know." block delete and be done with it gracefully.
scooby-philly Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 First date, first impressions....and you stepped in it even further when you admitted you could have gotten there on time making this date was not much of a priority (was that your intent to get back at her?). Furthering the insult you called her unreasonable. It's no wonder she REALLY got her panties all in a knot at the end there. I get it she DID over react proving she is not a flexible person or maybe she's been stood up terribly a few too many times. Me personally I would have responded with "Well good to know." block delete and be done with it gracefully. I don't think he was that inappropriate. Things happen. Life isn't perfect. Would it be better for him to ask to reschedule, show up late, show up on time and be frazzled, or politely ask to push back by 15/30 minutes? First date with ex-fiance years ago - she thought her cat ran out of the house - spent well over an hour looking for it - only to find it in her bedroom closet - shut in when she closed it while dressing. Yes, he could have explained a little bit further to her why - but her immediate reaction was to go from 0 to 10 on the crazy meter instead of just accepting it or at least asking him why (if she's been stood up too much or taken advantage of in the past). He was not wrong to mention he was flexible afterwards nor to say it was unreasonable. He didn't insult her, belittle her, shame her, etc. He focused on what she did and to go from "let's go on a first date" to "I"m cancelling because you're a jerk and you're going to be late for our first date" is pretty unreasonable (especially if he really did ask it in a polite way) and she made a HUGE assumption and proved it's a 10 on the crazy meter by not only cancelling but saying they weren't a good fit when they haven't had the first date yet. I mean, yeah - again he could have just walked away politely as you said, but sometimes being a good person doesn't mean letting non-good people **** all over us. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 I agree with others that she overreacted. She's been stood up before on dates or been with guys chronically late ... she's not making that mistake again. Sometimes we "over-learn" a lesson. On the other hand, it is confusing that you said you wanted more time but after she reacted, you revealed that you could indeed get there at the original time. I say just be decisive ... Ask for the extra time or don't ... I've been on great dates where the other person or I came late ... but we notified the other person well ahead of time. Sounds picky I know ... but the "can we delay 15 minutes?" takes perhaps a more trust than is present on an initial date. But I think you are lucky ... she canceled and rearranged plans apparently with resentment ... so when the date didn't go perfectly to the letter, she went ballistic. That's all on her. 1
fromheart Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 Nothing to be confused about, she's a complete nutter. Time and money saved, move on. 1
basil67 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 I think she over reacted. That said, it sounded odd from your end too....you can either make it on time or you can't. And giving her a reason wouldn't have hurt. 1
chillii Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 (edited) Oh brother, you kidding, what a cardinal sin . Forget about her , why would you even want the dragon lady she's shown to be anyway, no thanks. ps, anyone that uptight is just gonna be an absolute nightmare to be around anyway man. Edited September 23, 2019 by chillii
Author max3732 Posted September 23, 2019 Author Posted September 23, 2019 First date, first impressions....and you stepped in it even further when you admitted you could have gotten there on time making this date was not much of a priority (was that your intent to get back at her?). Furthering the insult you called her unreasonable. It's no wonder she REALLY got her panties all in a knot at the end there. I get it she DID over react proving she is not a flexible person or maybe she's been stood up terribly a few too many times. Me personally I would have responded with "Well good to know." block delete and be done with it gracefully. My intent was to let he know that even if she couldn't have met 15 minutes later we still could have finally met in person and maybe hit it off or at least had a nice meal together had she not cancelled the reservation the instant I let her know I could be running late. The reason I sent her the text asking if she could meet later is I thought I might be delayed and definitely didn't want to be rude and risk asking her at the last minute or even worse showing up 15 to 30 minutes late.
Author max3732 Posted September 23, 2019 Author Posted September 23, 2019 I think she over reacted. That said, it sounded odd from your end too....you can either make it on time or you can't. And giving her a reason wouldn't have hurt. When I sent her the text I didn't know if I was going to be late or not. That's why I wanted to giver her some notice just in case it turned out I couldn't make it on time. I never in a million years expected her to react by cancelling the whole thing!
basil67 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 But did you give her a reason? While I still say she over reacted, I imagine most would be a lot more understanding if given a reason.
spiderowl Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 I think if you had messaged her and said could you postpone the date to a bit later, that might have sounded a bit off-hand but all you did was ask for half an hour. That sounds reasonable to me. The only reason why I can think that she might have been annoyed, is if for some reason she got the impression you thought she was less important than whatever was delaying you. I doubt you did that though. Some people have a 'thing' about punctuality. It is important not to let someone down or make them feel the meeting with them is less important than other things, but if an apology and slight delay is not acceptable then there is something amiss. Either they are too obsessive about punctuality or never wanted to meet in the first place. I know I could never be with someone so rigid.
snowboy91 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 I do agree the reaction was a bit over the top. She sounds super inflexible, and would not be great to be around. That being said, if I received a message saying that it would be "more convenient" to delay a date by 30 minutes, I'd feel a little uncomfortable since it feels like detail is being hidden. I'd prefer to say something like "As a heads up - I'm coming from work/xyz location, so sorry in advance if I'm about 15-30 minutes late". Most would understand that you're trying your best, but traffic and train delays happen. In fact, I consider 15 minutes late to be "on time" 1
basil67 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 I'd prefer to say something like "As a heads up - I'm coming from work/xyz location, so sorry in advance if I'm about 15-30 minutes late". Most would understand that you're trying your best, but traffic and train delays happen. In fact, I consider 15 minutes late to be "on time" This. With an added...."I'll keep you in the loop as I know more".
Author max3732 Posted September 23, 2019 Author Posted September 23, 2019 I do agree the reaction was a bit over the top. She sounds super inflexible, and would not be great to be around. That being said, if I received a message saying that it would be "more convenient" to delay a date by 30 minutes, I'd feel a little uncomfortable since it feels like detail is being hidden. I'd prefer to say something like "As a heads up - I'm coming from work/xyz location, so sorry in advance if I'm about 15-30 minutes late". Most would understand that you're trying your best, but traffic and train delays happen. In fact, I consider 15 minutes late to be "on time" Phrasing it like that would have been better. When I sent the text I just figured I could give more details in person a few hours later. I didn't say it would be "more convenient" in the initial text. All I did was ask if she could possibly meet 15 to 30 minutes later. I'm just not a big texter (if that's a word). I can type much more comfortably on the computer and normally just use texting to setup meeting in person.
Gretchen12 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 Whoa! So this was a first date from OLD, and you were going to meet at a restaurant that required reservation?! And SHE made the reservation? Fancy...
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 She overreacted. A few minutes with a heads up should have been no big deal. You dodged a bullet. 4
Lotsgoingon Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 My quibbles are minor. You dodged a bullet dude. This woman would have had you on the defensive for sneezing. 1
The Outlaw Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 If she wasn't understanding and got worked up like she did, you really didn't miss anything. She needs to look beyond what's more suitable for her. 1
SumGuy Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 She overreacted. A few minutes with a heads up should have been no big deal. You dodged a bullet. 100% agreed. Yah maybe you could have explained more, but 15-30 min late with 3 hours notice is not bad to most...it happens, people have work, other stuff despite the best planning.
SumGuy Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 ... You can be that petty when you have so many other choices. Or when you have a personality disorder, that's my bet. 2
Londy Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 She's clearly a NJ but you are showing bad judgement by committing time and money to a fancy dinner with a person you've never met. I'll guess you haven't been online dating for long. After a few lousy first dates you'll figure it out. Be glad you saved yourself the time and the expense. If you do hear from her again I suggest if you want to satisfy your curiosity and still want to meet her, you tone down that first date to a casual, brief meetup at a bar or coffee shop. Of course when you suggest it she'll probably flip out on you again but I'm getting way ahead of myself here. 1
chillii Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 She overreacted. A few minutes with a heads up should have been no big deal. You dodged a bullet. Exactly my thoughts. And what's 15mins op for crying out loud, never been with anyone would carry on like that.
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