Melrose78 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 I don't understand my brain sometimes. I tell myself that no matter what I won't do something, than I let my immature brain take over. FFS. I met a guy 16 days ago from POF. Told myself I wasn't going to date anyone. I was going to meet new ppl and get to know them on a friend's level. And yet stupid me invites him to my place (yes, totally stupid n not safe) We hung out n he ended up staying over. Yep, we fooled around. He lives 1 1/2 hrs away. Same thing happened a few days later. Than I stayed at his house a week ago n we had sex. He's called me every night this week. Last night was the first time we didn't speak. I know he's flat out. But my brain is going into overthinking. Why the hell is wrong with me? I know I'm better than this. I'm feeling emotions I shouldn't be allowing myself to feel. I have just met him FFS. I know I need to back off. Stop making myself available. And stop acting like an immature teenager. No wonder why things didn't work out with the ex. I'm too busy being "nice". He said the other day he's not use to someone so nice n I need to start playing hard to get. Lol. In other words "you made this too easy for me. There's no chase"
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Last night was the first time we didn't speak. I know he's flat out. What does being "flat out" mean?
basil67 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 It sounds to me like there's a combination of you not knowing what you want and then looking in the wrong place for whatever it is you want. I think it's fair to say that most single men aren't looking for a woman who's a friend. Nor are they looking to get to know her as a friend first. And let's be blunt - if you can maintain a friendship, then there's not the chemistry to make a relationship anyway. So let's go back to the beginning...what is it you're actually seeking? And why?
basil67 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 What does being "flat out" mean? flat out = very busy 1
Author Melrose78 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 Basil, I love having company. But I previously got so invested in my relationship, I lost me. I know I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I was starting to think maybe something casual. But my thoughts about him tell me I can't do casual. If I'm intimate with someone, I need a spark. And there's a huge spark with him. That's my problem. I'm feeling lonely but know I need to concentrate on me. Sort of my job, find happiness within. And I think he's feeling the same about himself. We both have not long been out of relationships. Met thinking we can just go slow. Get to know each other. And jumped headfirst in. Sorry guys. I'm probably using you as a soundboard. Try to get my brain straight.
preraph Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 I don't know why you think you need a man when you have such a dapper dog ready to snuggle with you day or night. 4
Author Melrose78 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 Preraph she's awesome company. She's better than a guy in so many ways 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 Preraph she's awesome company. She's better than a guy in so many ways She is adorable . 2
basil67 Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 Ok, so you've got a spark with this guy. Is it purely sexual, or do you really like each other too? If so, next time you talk, suggest going on a date. And yes, you'll probably have sex afterwards...but if this thing is to get out of the bedroom, one of you will have to take it there. And if he refuses a date, then it's time to care for yourself and block him. 1
Author Melrose78 Posted September 22, 2019 Author Posted September 22, 2019 I can't say if it's more than sexual yet. I like him. He has a kind heart. And we laugh a lot. But too soon to know what exactly it is. I'm going to put some distance in. I think this is my internal alert telling me I'm overthinking it all. I need to take a few steps back. Let him chase me a bit.
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 How to ruin a good thing? Meet some sexy guy, do something completely spontaneous, enjoy the attractiona and chemistry THEN put some distance between you and him. Maybe he was not 'flat out' maybe it was him putting some distance between you two, how does that feel? Then you wonder what you do wrong in your romantic life. Let it unfold naturally. It's too late to play hard to get, at this point it would only ruin the possibilities. If you want to play hard to get you have to play it from the get go, not after sex. .
OnlyHonesty Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 He said the other day he's not use to someone so nice n I need to start playing hard to get. Biggest redflag Ive seen all week.... 2
preraph Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 Instead of that, do this: Hold him to the same standard of loyalty and companionship you hold your dog. You don't have to play hard to get. You just have to see what he'll do when left to his own momentum while being yourself. And for the yardstick, use a good loyal dog rather than the last boyfriend to compare him to.
Big Aus Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 No offence, but you have already slept with him, its a bit late to play hard to get. That will just send the message that you're bored of him. If there was anything about the sex that you feel uncomfortable with, eg you felt pressured, or you were drunk and regretted it, then be honest and tell him NICELY. If not, then just run with it. You've clearly fallen for the guy in some way, so its not unusual to feel a bit "all consumed" in those first few weeks. At this point just let it play out and see where it goes. If you don't want something serious, then just try not to stress out and enjoy the ride. If you're worried you're falling too fast, then try looking at the more serious aspects of the relationship and see what needs work
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 Don't distance yourself, but stop hopping into bed with him. Go out on dates but meet half way and see if you two can just enjoy each others company without the happy ending.
basil67 Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 He said the other day he's not use to someone so nice n I need to start playing hard to get. Lol. In other words "you made this too easy for me. There's no chase" Oh no....I missed this. Just walk away now.
Author Melrose78 Posted September 24, 2019 Author Posted September 24, 2019 I think I'm freaking out based on my ex. I'm so scared I will get hurt again. I know my worth. I know I have a heart of gold BUT I worry I sell myself short. How do I honestly know this?? I was cheated on by my ex. And as much as I'm trying to shake off the fear of being hurt again, it's there. I know I'm fine being single. That's not what worries me. It's the finding a balance of trusting but understanding I need to be kind of my heart. Like everyone, I want to find my forever. Maybe part of this struggle is I have 0 contact with my parent or brother's. I have a cousin who is a semi active part of my life. I have only my friends there for me. My ex's family meant a lot. And as much as I still partly have them in my life, I struggle with the loss. Hmm I think I need to speak to my beautiful counselor again lol
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