Aquarius9 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Hi! There was this girl that I was involved with briefly when we were seventeen; we were never officially together, but we were involved romantically. I know it's going to sound soppy and melodramatic but whatever - she was my college sweetheart as they say. (College here in England is something different than university). That was nine years ago now, but I've never forgotten about her. We were only seventeen, and people will say many relationships can't be taken seriously at that age, but I genuinely loved her back then, and it was the first time in my life that I seemed to have an actual adult romantic experience. Ever since, I've always felt like she's been a part of me, in a way. I've never forgotten the memories of her. I haven't seen her since we've left college, which was 2011. I've only sporadically spoken to her on FB messenger once every two years or something (she had a boyfriend, so there was no point). I've actually noticed that she's broken up with her long term boyfriend. If you were in my position, what with the albeit distant history we have, how would you reach out to her? You may wonder why I'm not so decisive and haven't done so yet, well, the last time I messaged her, which was two or three years ago, just asking about one of our mutual friends, she didn't respond. I don't know what to say to her! I'd ask her out for a drink, but I don't know how to word it. If I just go straight into it and ask her right off the bat out of the blue, that surely wouldn't work, so surely I'd need to just start a conversation? Maybe I'd need a way of getting her attention rather than a "Hey, you OK?". Would it be too soon, only weeks after she's broken up with that guy, and so she wouldn't want to do anything with anyone so soon? Then again, if I wait too long, someone else may get her. I appreciate all tips and advice!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I assume you live near her? I say go for it . Who knows....she may have been dumped and could use the pick me up. What's the worst that can happen? She says no and you carry on like you already have been....not talking to her in a couple of years . Keep us posted! 1
Author Aquarius9 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 I assume you live near her? I say go for it . Who knows....she may have been dumped and could use the pick me up. What's the worst that can happen? She says no and you carry on like you already have been....not talking to her in a couple of years . Keep us posted! Yeah, she lives in a city relatively near me. I just dunno what to say as an opening message/extended conversation.
alphamale Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 how do you know she is no longer dating her bf?
Author Aquarius9 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 how do you know she is no longer dating her bf? I looked on her FB haha
alphamale Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I looked on her FB haha they may be just taking a break. you need confirmation
Author Aquarius9 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 they may be just taking a break. you need confirmation Possibly. How would I do that without outright asking?
justwhoiam Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 (edited) Hi! Hi, fellow aquarius If you were in my position, what with the albeit distant history we have That got me thinking... it's the same amount of time I've been in love with my current man how would you reach out to her? What sign is she? (That might help pick an approach that works best with her). Anyway, it'd be a bit awkward, because you two sort of got estranged. You may wonder why I'm not so decisive and haven't done so yet, well, the last time I messaged her, which was two or three years ago, just asking about one of our mutual friends, she didn't respond. Right. I guess this is the most important clue to make a decision regarding this situation. If you contact her through FB messanger, she might reply or not... and you have like 50% of that going anywhere. I don't know what to say to her! That'd be problem #2. I'd ask her out for a drink, but I don't know how to word it. Well, that'd be a bit odd... and she might think: "What? Is he stalking my page??" and it'd get a bit creepy. I'd need to just start a conversation? Maybe I'd need a way of getting her attention rather than a "Hey, you OK?". Yeah... but she might not feel like starting a conversation... Would it be too soon, only weeks after she's broken up with that guy, and so she wouldn't want to do anything with anyone so soon? It's quite fresh, and your doubts are legitimate. if I wait too long, someone else may get her. And you'd kick yourself where the sun never shines I appreciate all tips and advice! Ok, I'm not sure how valuable my advice might be... but I'll give it a try. You start going to her town/city often and create opportunities to bump into her. That way, it'll totally be random and like... such a long time we haven't seen each other! Very exciting. And you start from there... You can ask what she's doing, what kind of job, etc. and avoid any question regarding relationships, unless she asks you if you're single. And then you say you need to drive back home and it's getting late, so you ask for her cell phone number and say you'll keep in touch, because you're very happy you bumped into each other. How does that sound? Obviously you need to be prepared to say what you're doing in her town, as you don't live there now and you need to have a good excuse for that Edited September 21, 2019 by justwhoiam
devilish innocent Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 I would just try to start a conversation with her on Facebook by asking how she's been. If she doesn't think it's worth responding to the message, then it's not worth pursuing her anyway. If she does respond, talk to her for a little bit about what she's been up to in general. After that if she hasn't brought up the boyfriend, mention that her Facebook doesn't say she's in a relationship and ask wasn't that different before. That should lead you to being able to find out what's happening. If she's single and available, you can try asking for her number. Good luck!
Lotsgoingon Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 You have the right to ask her out for a drink whether she's got a bf or not. "Hey, would love to get together and catch up sometime." Just show up ... you'll find out about bf ... and you'll find out after you're with her if there is still energy between you ... She'll notice if you're into her. Caution: if she's just out of a relationship, then she's not going to be ready for an immediate new relationship unless she's really immature. So there is nothing to think about here. You go out and see what happens. I myself do take one precaution: If I know someone is involved, then I get clear on whether I can enjoy a platonic meeting with them. If I can't. I avoid going out with them. Do empty your head of the fantasy long-lost and aborted love and violins and all of that when you guys meet up again. That's all fantasy in your head--not connected to reality. Reality is ... you don't really know her ... or her life ... or whether she's been a serial killer in the intervening years. Again, just show up. That's legit and low pressure. You can meet with someone, and not push anything but let the sparks flow if they're there ... and later something develops. You don't want to get together approaching her about romance right away. Ask her for a relaxed meeting already! 1
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Send her a note that says you have plans to be in her city for some weekend & you wanted to know if she'd like to meet you for a drink or dinner. It's not a lie because you plan to be there to reconnect with her. (Do not tell her that). Anyway, if she agrees to meet talk to her while you are together. If that goes well, then you can ask her for a date in the very near future. 1
schlumpy Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 This sounds like a one time opportunity so you can't prevaricate. You are going to have to risk something real or be satisfied with the fantasy love life you've been enjoying the last seven years. You indicate the attraction was mutual so plant a seed. Either call her up or meet up with her on some pretext and steer the conversation back to the days when you two had a connection. If you can get her thinking about it in a positive way it may gain some traction and take root. If she starts talking about how young and stupid she was at the time then you'll have your answer.
Author Aquarius9 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 Hi, fellow aquarius That got me thinking... it's the same amount of time I've been in love with my current man What sign is she? (That might help pick an approach that works best with her). Anyway, it'd be a bit awkward, because you two sort of got estranged. Right. I guess this is the most important clue to make a decision regarding this situation. If you contact her through FB messanger, she might reply or not... and you have like 50% of that going anywhere. That'd be problem #2. Well, that'd be a bit odd... and she might think: "What? Is he stalking my page??" and it'd get a bit creepy. Yeah... but she might not feel like starting a conversation... It's quite fresh, and your doubts are legitimate. And you'd kick yourself where the sun never shines Ok, I'm not sure how valuable my advice might be... but I'll give it a try. You start going to her town/city often and create opportunities to bump into her. That way, it'll totally be random and like... such a long time we haven't seen each other! Very exciting. And you start from there... You can ask what she's doing, what kind of job, etc. and avoid any question regarding relationships, unless she asks you if you're single. And then you say you need to drive back home and it's getting late, so you ask for her cell phone number and say you'll keep in touch, because you're very happy you bumped into each other. How does that sound? Obviously you need to be prepared to say what you're doing in her town, as you don't live there now and you need to have a good excuse for that Ah, I dunno what starsign she is, I don't really put much stock by astrology to be honest, but I'm open minded about it. While I'm a fellow Aquarius, I just liked the username haha. I'd only have a small chance of encountering her in a city. I still speak to a couple of people that we went to college with that know her and may speak to her more often than I do. I could maybe ask them to try and sort some kind of meetup out for a small group of us, if I could trust them not to screw it up.
preraph Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Hi! the last time I messaged her, which was two or three years ago, just asking about one of our mutual friends, she didn't respond. Is there any circumstance under which you wouldn't respond to someone you had romantic interest in? Who broke up with who back then? If it was you and she's not too mad about it, maybe she is interested, but if it was her, she's likely not interested.
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Ah, I dunno what starsign she is, I don't really put much stock by astrology to be honest, but I'm open minded about it. While I'm a fellow Aquarius, I just liked the username haha. I'd only have a small chance of encountering her in a city. I still speak to a couple of people that we went to college with that know her and may speak to her more often than I do. I could maybe ask them to try and sort some kind of meetup out for a small group of us, if I could trust them not to screw it up. Maybe ask them to get the group together and tell them names of those you'd like included, not telling them you're interested in her particularly more than the others. You could emphasize several you'd really like to see, her being one of them but not focusing on her alone and mention to check with those three first about a date they could make it. That way your friends don't plan the meet up at a time she can't come.
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