Redguitar35 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 A couple weeks ago I had a date with a girl I met online. She had cancelled the first time, but kept the rescheduled date. We just met for a drink before she got an emergency call. Before we parted she gave me a hug and talked a lot about meeting up again. She said that weekend looked good to her but she needed to finalize her schedule and get back to me. Asked her a couple days later if the weekend still worked for her but she said she wasn’t sure yet, depended on how her project evaluation went. Didn’t ask her again after that which was a few weeks ago. She’s still active on social media and I’ll respond to some stuff she posts and she’ll respond back but we haven’t discussed meeting up again since then. Is she just not interested? That’s what I’m assuming from all this. I haven’t met anyone else online since then and don’t plan on it, I’m done with online dating.
fromheart Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 (edited) Low interest dude. Drop her. Go for the kiss on the first date, if it isn't reciprocated don't bother with a 2nd date. Edited September 20, 2019 by fromheart 1
divegrl Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 She is not interested. Do not continue to pursue her. Take care my friend.
SumGuy Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I'd agree she is not interested but it doesn't hurt to reach out one more time if you really liked and think it is worth the risk. I'd be upfront and propose something specific. Something like... "her name" have enjoyed keeping in touch with you. Last we were out you mentioned you'd like to get back together again, and know it hasn't worked out. I'm going to x to do y this day, would you like to join me? No worries if since we last met you are not feeling a connection, these things happen. If you are interested in going, just let me know by z if you can go." Give her an easy way to say no to you, making it clear you are going to be cool with it. Believe it or not I believe that in itself can tip someone from not so sure about you to hey lets give this a try. Don't propose an activity that is so fun that she might say yes just to do it. Also do not give her a lot of time to make a decision, 2 days max and at least 2 days before the event. You are not needy here, you are giving her one last chance in case she really is just busy and has been waiting for you to ask. She may come back with she doesn't know her schedule or not his time but some other. Be cool with that and then leave it to her to contact you again. Something like, "No worries. When you have some free time and want to meet again just let me know. I'd like to see you again if I am available." Then leave it completely to her to contact you again. If she ever does you can decide if you are still feeling it. I wouldn't judge her to much by her behavior to date but neither would I ignore it. Most of all I'd certainly keeping searching as it is a good assumption she is not the one. 1
fromheart Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I'd agree she is not interested but it doesn't hurt to reach out one more time if you really liked and think it is worth the risk. I'd be upfront and propose something specific. Something like... "her name" have enjoyed keeping in touch with you. Last we were out you mentioned you'd like to get back together again, and know it hasn't worked out. I'm going to x to do y this day, would you like to join me? No worries if since we last met you are not feeling a connection, these things happen. If you are interested in going, just let me know by z if you can go." Give her an easy way to say no to you, making it clear you are going to be cool with it. Believe it or not I believe that in itself can tip someone from not so sure about you to hey lets give this a try. Don't propose an activity that is so fun that she might say yes just to do it. Also do not give her a lot of time to make a decision, 2 days max and at least 2 days before the event. You are not needy here, you are giving her one last chance in case she really is just busy and has been waiting for you to ask. She may come back with she doesn't know her schedule or not his time but some other. Be cool with that and then leave it to her to contact you again. Something like, "No worries. When you have some free time and want to meet again just let me know. I'd like to see you again if I am available." Then leave it completely to her to contact you again. If she ever does you can decide if you are still feeling it. I wouldn't judge her to much by her behavior to date but neither would I ignore it. Most of all I'd certainly keeping searching as it is a good assumption she is not the one. Sorry man, but this advice is terrible. He'll come across as a needy stalker. She's already had a chance, she knows full well that he's available. 1
Twizzlestick Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I wouldn’t bother sending anything. No need to hand hold her by offering again. It was left with a date offer and she never got back. If she has a road to Damascus moment (or more likely her supply of other men drops into disappointment when she meets them) and she contacts you again it’s for her to suggest “that date you mentioned”. If you want to by then. I’d not bother myself She’s a waste of your time at this moment. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 No, don’t ask her again. If she had really wanted to see you again, I promise she would have let you know when she was free.
ChatroomHero Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 You met for a drink and she got an emergency call? Pretty clear indicator. As far as the whole, 'let me check my schedule...' it means she had no plans but didn't want to say no. The whole, 'depending on the evaluation...' or whatever is just another polite way to schedule something without ever having to follow through. If she was serious she would have made a firm date. Like, hey, we can meet Sunday. If my project evaluation goes well, I can let you know and if you are still free we can meet up Saturday. This one has no interest. The emergency call was pre-planned for someone to call her after she showed up and give her an out if she was disappointed. I wouldn't spend 1 more second thinking about her because it will be 1 second completely wasted. 2
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 (edited) Damn, I never meet someone who’s interested Edited September 20, 2019 by Redguitar35
SumGuy Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Sorry man, but this advice is terrible. He'll come across as a needy stalker. Disagree. It's not the asking that makes it needy, you know the whole adults have conversations when they wonder what the other person is thinking and don't play games according to some rule to avoid seeming needy. When you can't have an adult conversation without the little bit of vulnerability, then you need dating rules. He's just giving it one more chance before calling it quits. In a non-needy way and non-stalky way. It's not stalky or needy because it lets her know it's ok if she lost interest. It's not needy because he gives her a short time frame to respond, a reasonable time frame but not one that makes him wait for her to decide. It is not needy to ask a women to go out with you. It is not needy because he is making it clear he is picking up on signals that she lost interest, but being adult enough to not assume that without asking. Is it likely that she has already moved on? Sure, very, a good 90%. He can still take the high road of clear forthright adult communication, and the road of knowing, by being a bit vulnerable here and just ask, and put it out there. Instead of wondering. Or not. She's already had a chance, she knows full well that he's available.Most likely but if he really likes her what is the harm? It may be she has been very busy, that she herself is wondering why he hasn't asked her out again...people can be a lot more complex than the simplistic reductionism on-line dating advice gives you. Think of the big picture. He takes your advice, drops her, says to himself she had her chance and move one. That certainly feels righteous and if the OP was truly good with that why post here? It is also the path of least resistance. Maybe he just needed to hear, yah she's awful drop her. That's an easy judgment to make and he will never know if he was right. It can be done from a sense of strength, and whatever will be will be, or a sense of b*** hurt. I agree she has most likely lost interest, maybe not, maybe she is still figuring it out. Maybe he wants a woman that asks him out, in which case yes dump her. She responds to his text though, maybe she responds because she doesn't want him to wig out on her, who knows, not me, not you. There is enough there that if he is still really interested then my idea is worth a try. Say he takes my advice. Sure it may appear he "chased" her, which in the red pill world is some sin, but how you do it makes all the difference. There is chasing that comes across as chivalrous and masculine and showing interest, then there is chasing that comes across as needy and stalky. And frankly reaching out to her in a clear way with no expectations or judgments is being a man in my book. Three things can happen. (1) She says Yes, maybe this was a bump, you got a second chance which is what I think the OP wants. (2) She says No, confirms she is not interested. You have closure and also you have shown her maturity in the process, that never hurts. (3) She gives him another non-committal answer. Which places him exactly where he is today except he can say he tried and move on with full knowledge he took the mature road and will never have to wonder what if I had only asked her out again. The only down side I can see is if going out to do something is big barrier for the OP. Then yes, don't ask her out again, and that may be the problem. For me I'd suggest some local band, or some such. A scene I'd go to for fun anyway with friends or by myself, there is no reason he couldn't make it so he could meet up with friends. It's also a great story at the bar if she ends up ditching him. 1
smackie9 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Redguitar35, find an honest female friend to help you, and see what is not working with these women if you feel so defeated. Time to get some answers. 1
lurker74 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Pursuing a woman is a good thing. Chasing a woman is not. If she were interested in you, she would have found time. And I suspect the emergency call might not have been an emergency. 2
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 Redguitar35, find an honest female friend to help you, and see what is not working with these women if you feel so defeated. Time to get some answers. I don’t have any female friends. Anyway, I dress well, I’m educated have a good job and can talk on a variety of subjects. Well groomed. I don’t get why nobody’s interested in me.
alphamale Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 that "emergency call" was, in actuality, her BFF. she was extricating her friend from the date 2
Happy Lemming Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 that "emergency call" was, in actuality, her BFF. she was extricating her friend from the date Yes, I agree... That is "Standard Operating Procedure" in today's dating world.
smackie9 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I don’t have any female friends. Anyway, I dress well, I’m educated have a good job and can talk on a variety of subjects. Well groomed. I don’t get why nobody’s interested in me. Have a session with a dating coach then. 2
alphamale Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Rg35, would you describe yourself as good looking?
Ruby Slippers Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Let's focus on the positive here: you're getting dates. So some women are seeing some potential there. This is a good sign. But you're doing something on the first meet/date that isn't catching their interest. I totally agree with the advice to go for the first kiss at the end of date 1. It will give you a clear yes or no. This will save you from time wasted asking her out again, following up, not moving on to your next date. First dates where the man is a little flirty and touchy are much more fun and intriguing than ones where he's friendly but not flirty. I also think you REALLY need to lighten up your attitude about dating. I know it's not easy. BELIEVE ME, I know it can be a challenging thing. But you have got to maintain a positive attitude and make the best of it. A positive attitude and energy are very attractive. The idea, I think, is to be happy with good energy all on your own, with or without a partner. Once you get to that point, the pressure is off and dating becomes much easier.
SumGuy Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Have a session with a dating coach then. Agreed. OP have you read this guy? When I say being "vulnerable" is not a bad thing I mean "vulnerable" in the context he describes. https://markmanson.net/
Saracena Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 We just met for a drink before she got an emergency call. Before we parted she gave me a hug and talked a lot about meeting up again. She said that weekend looked good to her but she needed to finalize her schedule and get back to me. Asked her a couple days later if the weekend still worked for her but she said she wasn’t sure yet, depended on how her project evaluation went. . As soon as I read about the 'emergency call' I knew it was an excuse to end the date. It's a classic. Sorry OP. The ensuing 'willingness' was just a bluff to deflect any suspicions you may have had about how genuine it was at the time. It wasn't. . If it were she would have agreed to something well before now.
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 Let's focus on the positive here: you're getting dates. So some women are seeing some potential there. This is a good sign. But you're doing something on the first meet/date that isn't catching their interest. I totally agree with the advice to go for the first kiss at the end of date 1. It will give you a clear yes or no. This will save you from time wasted asking her out again, following up, not moving on to your next date. First dates where the man is a little flirty and touchy are much more fun and intriguing than ones where he's friendly but not flirty. I also think you REALLY need to lighten up your attitude about dating. I know it's not easy. BELIEVE ME, I know it can be a challenging thing. But you have got to maintain a positive attitude and make the best of it. A positive attitude and energy are very attractive. The idea, I think, is to be happy with good energy all on your own, with or without a partner. Once you get to that point, the pressure is off and dating becomes much easier. Let’s not forget that most of the time I’m not even getting to the first date and they cancel at the last minute.
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 Rg35, would you describe yourself as good looking? Yes. People tell me I look 23, not 33.
The Outlaw Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 If she were interested, she'd make the time to see you and keep the date and wouldn't have to check her schedule. People that are interested make time, not excuses. Don't waste your time. If it isn't reciprocated, move on.
alphamale Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Yes. People tell me I look 23, not 33. do you think you come off as confident to women?
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