DrNo1962 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Been seeing a girl over the last couple of weeks and we are about to go out on our third date. I’m not big on texting and as soon as I make a date I tend to get on with my week as I have quite a busy schedule, knowing that I’ll eventually meet her on our date at the end of the week. However, she tends to drop me a message every now and again between dates and then takes quite a while (sometimes upwards of 24hrs+) to respond. Not sure what her strategy is, but why send me a text if you can only get back to me hours later? I also don’t answer texts at the drop of a hat but I always answer within a reasonable time frame.
Maddie82 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Maybe she is not big on texting either. Maybe she is just busy with work and cant have her phone on her. I think you're just paranoid.
Author DrNo1962 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 Maybe she is not big on texting either. Maybe she is just busy with work and cant have her phone on her. I think you're just paranoid. If she’s not big on texting why does she initiate texts then? I’ve dated girls who aren’t big on texting. As soon as we set a date we don’t talk until the day of the date.
Gretchen12 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 and what do you do when she replies late? do you reply again or no? i think it depends on your first reply, whether it's something she needed to respond to. For people who don't like to text on and on, they drag out the turn over time so it's fewer texts overall, and somebody has to text last or it won't ever stop. Sounds like neither of you like to text. So shut it down. I suggest you just reply with something that doesn't require a response and then not expect a response. Something like "look forward to seeing you this weekend." That's a closing text. Or "have a good rest of the week". Not "where would you like to meet?". For that question you call. 1
Maddie82 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 If she’s not big on texting why does she initiate texts then? I’ve dated girls who aren’t big on texting. As soon as we set a date we don’t talk until the day of the date. Why are you making such big deal out of nothing? She's still completely interested isn't she? If you keep picking at irrelevant things then she will walk. If you want to know why she takes so long to text back then you are going to have to ask her. We don't know the answer. Only she does. 3
fromheart Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Presuming your checking the territory to see of there's long term potential; It's not for anyone to tell you what you should not be happy with. If you are not happy with the way this woman communicates it will probably always be that way. Never, ever tell a woman you wish for more communication. Always walk.
basil67 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Not big on texting doesn't mean that she doesn't text. I'm not big on texting either, but that doesn't mean I never use it.
elaine567 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 He is doing the old Corey Wayne trick of making the date then going silent for the week. She doesn't like it and is left wondering if he has ghosted her. Once he replies she feels it unnecessary to boost his ego by answering quickly. She has her answer, he is still around. I see this as stupid game playing on the part of the OP, designed to annoy. If interested she is going to quickly get fed up of this nonsense. Great if he wants to be left with the emotionally unavailable, the desperate and the crazy who will put up with anything, but if he wants a sensible woman then he needs to start building some sort of a connection with her. 4
chillii Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 lf you never text so she makes the effort but then you only answer when you've decided you've waited long enough so as not to look desperate ahhh, l'm not surprised. 1
SumGuy Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Why are you making such big deal out of nothing? She's still completely interested isn't she? If you keep picking at irrelevant things then she will walk. If you want to know why she takes so long to text back then you are going to have to ask her. We don't know the answer. Only she does. Agreed. Just ask but not in any kind of way that comes across as judgmental or would make her defensive. You can even admit you are not a fan of texting yourself. What she could be doing is that it is common courtesy to not go radio silence once you plan a meet or date with someone. Take a page from the business world. For a local meeting for both parties, good practice is to reach out about a week before, then a day before. Now you both may be far enough along or of the agreed temperament that such touching base by text is not needed, good. I would take it as a positive sign that she reaches out to touch base with you especially if you don't initiate such with her. @Maddie82 It's not surprising as at least half the posts I read seem to be looking for omen and relationship portents from the littlest things. I guess it is better than entrails. It is surprising what triggers that "what does it mean?" response. I believe one can work on it by getting out of the mindset that people can be pigeon holed.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 DrNo, how old are you 2? I see 1962 in your name. Boyfriend and I are in our early 50s. When we met 4 years ago he told me didn't like texting. I wrongly expected even if he didn't like texting he should answer me at least....well nope! He meant it when he said he doesn't like texting. When I look at our text conversation it's just me talking, he doesn't reply. He may have sent me 5 texts in our 4 years dating. If you want to touch base with her between dates then call her. 1
preraph Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Maybe she's just dropping a text so you don't feel she's not interested, but doesn't really like text "conversations" that go back and forth. They can get so tedious. 2
smackie9 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I see it as the o'l Mexican stand off issue. Who's gonna text first, should I answer that text, don't want to be too available/desperate, yadda yadda yadda. IMO if this is important to you, like it's an expectation, then you are investing in the wrong woman.
elaine567 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 I don't think he expects her to text mid date, but the fact she does so, then keeps him waiting up to 24hrs to respond to him is not working to plan. He is supposed to be the cool dude - treat em mean keep em keen, by setting up the date and then silence. She is supposed to be oh so grateful for any text he does deign to send her, and answer him right away. The fact she doesn't, is confusing to him... 1
hippychick3 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 He is doing the old Corey Wayne trick of making the date then going silent for the week. She doesn't like it and is left wondering if he has ghosted her. Once he replies she feels it unnecessary to boost his ego by answering quickly. She has her answer, he is still around. I see this as stupid game playing on the part of the OP, designed to annoy. If interested she is going to quickly get fed up of this nonsense. Great if he wants to be left with the emotionally unavailable, the desperate and the crazy who will put up with anything, but if he wants a sensible woman then he needs to start building some sort of a connection with her. ^^^This It doesn't sound like you're too interested in her life, OP. Most women want to build emotional connections with the men they're dating. And the way to do that is to communicate in between dates whether through phone calls or texts. My thoughts are that you need to show more interest in this woman between dates, or she's going to find someone else who is more interested.
kendahke Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 When you stop playing games, perhaps she will mirror that. 1
Author DrNo1962 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 and what do you do when she replies late? do you reply again or no? i think it depends on your first reply, whether it's something she needed to respond to. For people who don't like to text on and on, they drag out the turn over time so it's fewer texts overall, and somebody has to text last or it won't ever stop. Sounds like neither of you like to text. So shut it down. I suggest you just reply with something that doesn't require a response and then not expect a response. Something like "look forward to seeing you this weekend." That's a closing text. Or "have a good rest of the week". Not "where would you like to meet?". For that question you call. Thanks, i've found this to be most helpful.
Author DrNo1962 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 lf you never text so she makes the effort but then you only answer when you've decided you've waited long enough so as not to look desperate ahhh, l'm not surprised. I never do that. If I receive a text from her while i'm sleeping, I will respond the next day. If I get a text from her while i'm at work, i'll respond after work hours.
Author DrNo1962 Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 He is doing the old Corey Wayne trick of making the date then going silent for the week. She doesn't like it and is left wondering if he has ghosted her. Once he replies she feels it unnecessary to boost his ego by answering quickly. She has her answer, he is still around. I see this as stupid game playing on the part of the OP, designed to annoy. If interested she is going to quickly get fed up of this nonsense. Great if he wants to be left with the emotionally unavailable, the desperate and the crazy who will put up with anything, but if he wants a sensible woman then he needs to start building some sort of a connection with her. To be honest, using the phone primarily for logistics is something that has happened long before Corey Wayne ever came around. My parents (who didn't have cell phones when they were dating) would speak once a week on the phone, set up a time to meet and it would be done. As they progressed through their relationship, the time they spent away from each other got shorter. I don't see how that is any different in the case of having a couple of texts back and forth, setting a date and getting on with your life until you see them? I've tried the build rapport through text messaging and to be honest it gets tedious and boring very quick. Not only that but it kills attraction and by the time you actually get to meet the person one-on-one you have very little to talk about because you've already told them your "life story" through text. Anyway, that's just my 2cents and I don't expect you to agree with any of it which is fine. We all have different approaches to dating and relationships.
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