These Are The Girls I Plan To Pursue And Ask Out In The Fall of 2019

[GuitarGuy7]

Every semester for the past two years, I make myself a list and write down the girls who I plan to pursue and ask out. I don't ask out every girl on the list because in reality, half of them will have boyfriends and another third will make it clear that they either arne't interested or they want nothing to do with me, and some girls I will never even wind up talking to. The ones that do agree to meet up with me, I get friendzoned or ghosted afterwards 100% of the time.

 

 

And after two of doing this, I realize that I suck ass and I am the ultimate beta male. I have no idea how to talk to girls, how to flirt, how to escalate, I suck! I'm so terrible with women, that i'm pretty sure that a fat hobo living on the street could get laid faster than I can. Nevertheless, I keep doing this and keep subjecting myself to brutal rejection after brutal rejection in the hopes for that seemingly 0.1% chance that the stars will align and a woman will actually be attracted to me.

 

 

So without further ado, here a list.

 

 

 

 

Girl from work: - Probability of her accepting: Very low

 

 

There is this girl who sits by me at work who is somewhat cute and I would like to get to know. The problem is that due to the work environment i'm in, it's hard to talk to people. Not to mention that I rarely see her and when I do, she has her headphones in.

 

 

 

Girl from class: - Probability of her accepting: Low

 

There is this girl in my math class who is somewhat cute. I have only really ever talked to her once, but I plan to talk to her some more. I don't really think she's going to be too interested (nobody ever is, trust me iv'e been doing this for two years) but here goes nothing right?

 

 

 

Several girls from my rec sports team - probability of at least one of them accepting - medium

 

There are several girls in my rec sports league that i'm in who I think are cute. I have talked to several of them briefly a couple of times but I still don't know them well enough yet. So maybe I will shoot my shot and ask one of them out on a date. I don't expect any success because it's me we're talking about, but who knows.

 

 

 

 

Girls from improv - probably of one accepting - TBD There are some incoming freshman girls who I think are cute and I plan to pursue several of them.

 

 

 

Girls from film club - probably of one accepting - TBD

 

We shall see...

[mark clemson]

And after two of doing this, I realize that I suck ass and I am the ultimate beta male. I have no idea how to talk to girls, how to flirt, how to escalate, I suck!

 

 

The good thing is you probably have plenty of time to turn things around. Many if not most men can be sexually active into their 60's and beyond.

 

My advice to you for your current situation is:

 

- Take all reasonable steps to make yourself as attractive as possible. Believe I already linked a thread for you on that. Once you have this somewhat down, they will be interested in you. Makes a big difference.

 

- Many women are sensitive to your social skill level. So, get comfortable talking to women. Start causal conversations with as many women as possible, not necessarily ones you're interested in or from your social group. Just women. You want to be so comfortable talking to women generally that it comes totally naturally to you and you lose almost all fear of the ice-breaking. Sitting on the bus next to a woman? Ask her how her day's going or whatever comes to mind. In line at the grocery store? Same thing. Do this as much as possible.

 

- Be open to spontaneous possibilities. It's fine to focus on some women, but if/when you have the above two points down, spontaneous possibilities should start coming your way. Don't hesitate to go for it, if the woman seems like she might be good for you.

[mark clemson]

Oh yeah, by your handle do you play guitar? Once you start getting the two main points from my above post into practice a bit, make sure to play in public at a gig or two (or even just spontaneously sitting around campus). An attractive, friendly, sociable guy who plays guitar music. You could have them eating out of your palm, trust me...

[crispytoast]

I'd recommend talking a little bit to women you are attracted to without the thought of asking them out. Like be friendly and not affected by their beauty. This is especially important in an environment like work or in a class where unless you or them are about to leave the job or the semester is almost over, there is the looming possibility that if something goes wrong for you or for them that you still have to see each other every day which decreases your chances significantly as the looming possibility of drama is a huge mood killer. If they are attractive I guarantee they have guys try to flirt with them regularly and most probably aren't very good at it either, so it's a breath of fresh air when you talk to them without trying to flirt them up.

 

For example, say you are seated next to a woman in your class that you are attracted to. Even if you are attractive to her, she will be put off if you try to flirt and don't really have your game on point, are nervous or something like that. But if you are friendly to her and then just stay focused on your work and not on how she is pretty and you want to ask her out, she will be more likely to be curious about you because you're that attractive guy in her class who is nice to her but isn't just straight up trying to flirt with her. It's different than what she's used to. Over time of being your charasmatic self that you are when dating isn't on the table, you will build rapport and trust me she will give you signals if she's interested. Might very damn well throw herself at you and that's always a great feeling.

 

How do I know this? It has worked for me many times. Sometimes we end up hooking up and I have a fwb for a bit. Sometimes I just become friends with this person and I have this cool new friend that I get a long with, not to mention she's easy on the eyes. Plus usually they have cute friends and if you were gentlemanly and not overbearing they are more likely to introduce you to their friends and that's a situation where you have automatic rapport. Some time I actually prefer this over dating the girl I initially met because I have access to a larger pool of women through my friend plus I have a new friendship that honestly will probably last longer than a fwb situation. Most women talk to their friends about guys and if you are kind and sweet then word gets around and even if she doesn't want to date you, you are more likely to be seen as dateable but if you are pushy and creep them out, not only have you been shut down by her but you are also shut off to any of her close friends.

 

I'm like you and don't really have that sort of smooth talk that let's me just talk to a girl when I'm attracted to her and then get her number and take her out on a date. That's not to say I've never done that but in general when I try to do that I get ghosted too I'd say probably 75% of the time if not more. However, when I remove the idea of the end goal from my head ie stop thinking like I want to sleep with them, then I am much more suave and do a way better job of attracting women. And this is the key, attract them instead of being attracted by them. Most women would say they can feel it when a man is talking to them trying to get in their pants and if they haven't already thought about getting in your pants, you more than likely already failed before you even started.

 

By the way, get that "I'm a beta" foolishness out of your head. This might not be a popular thought on this forum but if you care about whether you are an alpha or beta, you are a beta. I hate that terminology I think it's really stupid but since we are using it, I'll put it like this: someone who is alpha doesn't think about their alphaness or about how to be more alpha. That stuff doesn't matter to them. So get that thinking out of your head because it's really not helping you at all.

 

I hope this is helpful for you man.

Edited September 20, 2019 by crispytoast

[d0nnivain]

I didn't read the descriptions of the women. The whole idea that you have a plan to pursue multiple women like some kind of strategic battle plan is just . . . wrong. Dating has to be a go with the flow kind of thing. It's one thing to say gee I think that person is attractive, then give yourself a pep talk before engaging with that person but the idea that you are planning all this out. Ugh. It just feels unnatural to me & I suspect that off putting sense I'm getting through this post comes through when you interact with these women, thereby diminishing your chances

 

It seems like you have access to target rich environments: work, school improve, rec etc.. Learn to create openings for yourself & act rather than sitting & planning & dreaming & failing to do anything

[fromheart]

Your planning to date girls with low interest in you, then wonder why it doesn't happen. This doesn't make sense.

 

Do some self work, in fact do a lot.

 

Put yourself out there, and when you meet someone with a high interest you choose her.

[elaine567]

Do some self work, in fact do a lot.

Put yourself out there, and when you meet someone with a high interest you choose her.

 

I agree. Women with little interest or women who have already friendzoned a guy are not going to agree to a date.

But, I am not exactly sure it is possible to do enough "work" to turn oneself from a guy women have little interest in, to a guy they have a high interest in.

Seems to me it is more about being able to identify those women with some or high interest and concentrating on them, even if they are not the ones one would naturally be drawn to, rather than try to transform oneself into a super stud.

 

Yes some can go to the gym and be more fit and toned, but with little charm, no gift of the gab, few social skills, no natural wit, little natural confidence, then it can still be an uphill struggle.

[normal person]

I'm so terrible with women, that i'm pretty sure that a fat hobo living on the street could get laid faster than I can.

 

So seemingly the goal of all this is "get laid?"

 

Nevertheless, I keep doing this and keep subjecting myself to brutal rejection after brutal rejection in the hopes for that seemingly 0.1% chance that the stars will align and a woman will actually be attracted to me.

 

Maybe if you weren't quite so transparent with this whole "I'll take the first woman who will have sex with me" attitude, and focused your efforts on improving yourself to the point where you could find a girl who you actually like as a human being, and talk to her as such, you might not be in this situation. You sound desperate and calculated, and if I can sense it through a computer, there's no doubt women can sniff it on you miles away and have already pre-rejected you. Desperation and this inorganic "scheming" is a surefire way to make sure women will run for the hills from you.

 

Girl from work: - Probability of her accepting: Very low

 

 

There is this girl who sits by me at work who is somewhat cute and I would like to get to know. The problem is that due to the work environment i'm in, it's hard to talk to people. Not to mention that I rarely see her and when I do, she has her headphones in.

 

Why don't you wait for literally any indication that she's interested in you before you just assume she is and get called into HR?

 

 

Girl from class: - Probability of her accepting: Low

 

There is this girl in my math class who is somewhat cute. I have only really ever talked to her once, but I plan to talk to her some more. I don't really think she's going to be too interested (nobody ever is, trust me iv'e been doing this for two years) but here goes nothing right?

 

If you've been doing this for two years with no results, have you ever considered that you might be doing it entirely wrong? If you get burned every time you touch a hot stove, maybe it's time you stop touching hot stoves. You can see this one is red hot. All you do if you touch is burn yourself yet again and advertise yourself to her, everyone she knows, and everyone who sees/hears as a guy with terrible judgment and no social awareness. If you already think she's not going to be interested, then what do you have to gain by asking her out? Why not just preserve your image until she becomes interested?

 

 

Several girls from my rec sports team - probability of at least one of them accepting - medium

 

There are several girls in my rec sports league that i'm in who I think are cute. I have talked to several of them briefly a couple of times but I still don't know them well enough yet. So maybe I will shoot my shot and ask one of them out on a date.

 

Why not "shoot your shot" after you know them (or one of them) well enough so it's not a total crapshoot for you? Surely if you get to know them a bit first you'll have a better idea as to 1). if you even like the person, 2). if they have any interest you. I don't understand the logic of asking them out before they have any idea who you are, or you who they are, when they haven't given any indication that they're interested in you. That works for Tinder and Bumble once you've already matched -- that's an invitation, but not in person when you just assume.

 

Girls from improv - probably of one accepting - TBD There are some incoming freshman girls who I think are cute and I plan to pursue several of them.

 

"Several." Why not just one you actually like, who's given some indication she also might like you?

 

 

I don't expect any success because it's me we're talking about, but who knows.

 

Is it "you," or is it that you're going about this whole process completely backwards and seemingly disingenuous, and everyone can sense it, compounding everyone's distaste for you?

 

Here's how I see this going:

 

- These women are giving you no indication that they're interested in you currently.

- You, for some reason, think that's a green light to move forward, talk to them a nominal amount, and ask them out whether or not there's any interest, even amidst signs of disinterest ("no interest" is basically disinterest).

- Not having any interest with you to begin with, these women will likely still not go out with you because you first didn't bother to register their disinterest, and then lacked the judgement to take the hint and not ask them out, they may even feel insulted that someone with such a lack of social awareness thinks he has a chance with them

- As this process repeats itself (likely as your only prerequisite to ask someone out seems to be "cute" so you'll cast a wide net), people on your campus talk, see, hear, and notice, and you solidify your identity as the desperate guy with no social awareness who asks out women without any basic discernment on the slim hope that one will sleep with him, you become "that creepy guy"

- If for some reason a woman actually might've slept with you with before, she now won't as being associated with the creepy guy will lower her social status

- You've nuked whatever chance you have

 

How about this:

- Don't ask a woman out unless she's given you a clear indication that she's interested in you (smiling at you, looking at you, being near you unnecessarily, initiating conversations with you, whatever social media things college people do these days, matching with you on Tinder/Bumble, etc).

- If she isn't giving you any indication that she's interested, wait until she does. Use your talents -- charisma, sports, intelligence, music, etc. If she doesn't like you for no reason, you need to give her one.

- If you don't have any reason for her to like you, work until you do. If it's not happening, read the situation and cut your losses. If she's clearly not interested, there's no upside in just assuming you might still have a chance and asking her out anyways. And there's plenty of downside.

Edited September 20, 2019 by normal person

[crispytoast]

So seemingly the goal of all this is "get laid?"

crispytoast approves of this scathingly honest and insightful reply.

[Veronica73]

Glad I’m not the only one who found this whole approach a bit off-putting to say the least.

[FMW]

Maybe you're too focused on your list and planning strategy to pay attention to the naturally occurring opportunities to meet women with whom you might actually click.

[preraph]

Okay, I like a plan. Now, on your sports team one where there's a few, please take this advice: Forget about asking the one you think is cutest and ask the one who comes up without provocation and talks to you voluntarily and is friendliest toward you.

 

I was working off a list when in college!

[GuitarGuy7]

Your planning to date girls with low interest in you, then wonder why it doesn't happen. This doesn't make sense.

 

Do some self work, in fact do a lot.

 

Put yourself out there, and when you meet someone with a high interest you choose her.

 

 

 

That's the problem, I don't know whether or not a woman is interested in me because iv'e never had a woman be interested in me before. Iv'e never had any success with women, aside from a couple of dates, iv'e never kissed a girl, never had sex, never had a girlfriend.

[mark clemson]

So much good advice in this thread Guitar_Guy. A focus on improving yourself and honing your social skills is going to "get you laid" so much faster than any brute force approach of asking girls out. And making yourself more attractive, more well-rounded, improving your social skills, and learning to read people's social cues is a much, much better use of your time. It can pay off in so many ways.

 

People who make a good impression on their professors, at job interviews, can sense how their boss is feeling, talk their way out of a bad situation, etc. These are big advantages in life. Attracting women is just one effect.

 

And consider - while it's understandable at your age, "getting laid" shouldn't be the goal. It should be a side effect. How about making your goal a loving relationship with someone who you real really like and who really likes you back? This is emotionally healthy, and you will have a LOT more sex than you would trying to make sex the goal. Someone who you are together with for a year, sex every night or every other night or so is pretty normal when you're young. And you have a special person in your life. Even if you break up, there will always be a special memory there.

 

Isn't this what you should really want for yourself? It might not end up being "perfect," but the great parts will be really great.

[GuitarGuy7]

That's the problem.

 

I can't tell whether or not a woman is interested in me because iv'e never had any success with women. Iv'e never had sex, never kissed, iv'e had no woman be openly interested in me, so I really have no idea what to look for that would indicate interest. In fact, i'm starting to believe that no woman is attracted to me.

 

 

But I can for sure tell you when a woman is NOT interested. Leaving you on read, trying to invite her friends along when you ask to hangout, leaving you mid-conversation, openly talking about other guys she's interested in. My mistake was shooting my shot anyways, in the small 1% chance that they would actually say yes. Of course I was always wrong.

[mark clemson]

Learn how to read people's social cues. It's easier said than done, but you can start on YouTube. Once you understand the basics, there's no substitute for your own time spend observing. The nice thing is, you can do this ALL the time, in class, at work, at lunch, at the grocery store, etc. Plenty of opportunities for practice out there.

[GuitarGuy7]

Someone who you are together with for a year, sex every night or every other night or so is pretty normal when you're young.

 

 

I'm not normal, woohoo.

 

Now I definitely feel like a subhuman.

[mark clemson]

My friend, plenty of people who were virgins in their early 20's go on to live happy, fulfilling adult lives including marriage, children, and plenty of sex on the way.

 

It is true that these kinds of changes don't happen overnight. But you have plenty of time to make Sustained, gradual, cumulative effort.

 

I understand you are struggling. There's a saying "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." I think you would benefit from this approach. Do as much as you can to improve yourself etc as per this thread. Even if you don't become some guy who women flock to, you could easily become a person who has GFs and normal, loving relationships.

[mark clemson]

BTW, I meant the sex every night or every other night ONCE you're together is normal. I did not mean that everyone has GFs/BFs.

[alphamale]

That's the problem, I don't know whether or not a woman is interested in me because iv'e never had a woman be interested in me before. Iv'e never had any success with women, aside from a couple of dates, iv'e never kissed a girl, never had sex, never had a girlfriend.

 

How old are you GG7? Please don't say 35 or 40

[preraph]

That's the problem.

 

I can't tell whether or not a woman is interested in me because iv'e never had any success with women.

 

I feel like you're not listening. If you are social with those women in the sports group, which I presume you are because how can it be avoided, then instead of hitting on the one you think is best, stop staring or thinking about her and remember when is the last time any one of those women came up and said something, anything, to you or was halfway friendly. Chat that person up and be friendlier to her, see if she's friendly back. You won't get anywhere cherry picking the most attractive women who are paying you no mind.

 

Now, if none of them have ever been friendly, I've got to believe the problem lies with you not being approachable and normal acting. In a sport setting, someone should at least be saying "well done" or back slapping or just standing nearby without it being you who stands by them.

[normal person]

That's the problem.

I can't tell whether or not a woman is interested in me because iv'e never had any success with women.

 

As I mentioned, these are the types of things they do when they're interested: Smiling at you, looking at you, being near you unnecessarily, initiating conversations with you, whatever social media things college people do these days, matching with you on Tinder/Bumble, etc. If they do these types of things, they're interested. If they don't, assume they aren't.

 

But I can for sure tell you when a woman is NOT interested. Leaving you on read, trying to invite her friends along when you ask to hangout, leaving you mid-conversation, openly talking about other guys she's interested in.

 

Yeah, but you also fail to notice plenty of other signs. The first being that an absence of a sign of interest is disinterest, not an invitation.

 

If a woman likes you, you'll know. If women don't like you, maybe you should ditch this scheming, calculated approach that you've been doing (considering it's probably been making you look much less desirable) and work on developing interpersonal bonds and connections with people whose company you enjoy, without necessarily trying to sleep with them. If people don't view you as desperate and sex crazed, they might respect you more. If people respect you more, you might find yourself on a path to having better chances. One thing's for sure, the shotgun approach of blindly asking out anything female is not doing you any favors at all.